Wednesday, July 29, 2009


I have begun to shop. I have become a complete etsy addict and have tons of cute stuff on order. I also ordered my gDiapers (so super cute!). It's all really exciting. I am such a different person than I was when Aubrey and Blaine were babies...never in a million years did I think I would be using any form of cloth diapers or wearing my baby, but I am planning on it. And, today, my MobyWrap arrived! It got here and I messed with it a little bit (and quickly learned I am going to need some practice). A little while later, Aubrey disappears into my bedroom. She reappeared with a scarf from my closet and her baby doll like this:
She spent the afternoon with her baby in her "wrap". It was really sweet and made me realize how incredibly happy I am that she is going to have the opportunity to see me be a mom to a baby. Blaine and her are only 14 months apart,so she has no memory of what it's like to have a baby in the house. I think these are really important lessons for her to learn as a child and I'm so glad I'm going to be the one to teach her. I'm sure when I start pumping in a few weeks and then when Abram arrives and I'm breastfeeding, things will get interesting :)

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Ramblings of an emotional, not pregnant woman :)

I have a bad habit. Okay, I have more than one, but one in particular that is getting to me. I read about surrogacy- a lot. I get on google and read up on what different religious views are on surrogacy. I read about what people who are born to surrogates say. I read a lot about the maternal fetal bond and what that means. I read what critics of surrogacy say. Anytime there is an article by some nutcase that has no clue what surrogacy really is, I read it. I have a problem. This is really starting to take a toll on me. It's bad enough that there are ignorant people, whom I know in real life that I have to deal with, I don't need to get myself all worked up over people on the internet. I want so badly to be an advocate for surrogacy, but then I read and realize how far we have to come and I'm just not in the emotional state to defend myself. It is impossible to describe how I feel right now. The best word would be overjoyed, but that doesn't even do it completely. I read all the negative and I don't understand how people can't see the good in this process. I'm not an idiot either- I know some surrogacy agreements are less than ideal, but why are those the ones that the general public wants to focus on?!

And then there's real life...Dawn and I have a loving, mutually respectful relationship, no, friendship. I can't birth my own child. She can. She has given something that most people would never and instead of saying things like "Wow! You are a great person for doing that!" People say things like, "I could never give up a baby!" Seriously!? It's a good thing I didn't put my baby in you then! And on my side, I get the "You sure are doing it the right way! I hate being pregnant!" Are you kidding me!? Do people really think I'm that shallow!? Like I wouldn't give all that I have to be the one carrying my own child! Don't say things until you've thought them through! Pregnancy may not be a walk in the park for some people (I was not a happy, glowy pregnant woman.), but good grief! Who wouldn't want to carry their own child! And then I get the "What an easy way to have a baby!" Ughhhhh!!! Educate yourself! This process is far from easy! I could sit here all day and talk about all that we've gone through to get to this point, but I won't. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that it is not easy finding someone we trust to carry our child, impregnating another woman with our biological child, etc. And don't get me started on the financial aspects and the things people have the nerve to say about that. We are not so wealthy we had nothing better to do with our money! We saved for two years and have done without some things because having another child was a priority for us. That's what you do when something means everything to you. And, NO, I am NOT worried that "she will keep the baby!" I did take the time to talk to her about that and know her just a bit better than you who have never even met her. But in case you're still worried about my character judgement and her intentions, yes, we did go to court and yes, the baby is legally and biologically ours- that was part of that "easy" process you referred to earlier in our conversation.

I apologize for my venting. I just had to get it out and if you read here, you're probably not one of the people who have offended me. I'm working on letting it all go and chalking it up to the fact that people will say anything when they don't know what to say. I'm also trying to stay away from surrogacy on the internet and let God handle the rest. I'm a work in progress...

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Introducing (again!)...

I'm overjoyed to report that all is well with our sweet boy! He looks great: has all his organs in the right places and in the right quantities, is active and already super cute. Dawn is feeling well and assures us that he is already a wonderful baby :) He is measuring one week ahead and the doctor says he is likely to be a big baby. This has Dawn a little nervous, but it'll be okay ;) I've already apologized for his big head which is definitely my genes! AND...we have a name...James Abram. James is after Brandon's dad and grandfather and Abram because we like it. We will call him Abram and Brandon has grand visions of him going by J. Abram one day. That will be up to him though. We're halfway there... 4 1/2 months until we're holding baby Abram!

Thursday, July 9, 2009


Yesterday was a HUGE day for our family! It was my dear husband's 34th birthday and that would have been exciting enough, but it just kept getting better and better. I was able to cheat and get us a "sneak peek" at Baby Bello. It was wonderful! Dawn, her husband Roger, Brandon, and me, of course, were there, but it also worked out that my brother, Scott, and my mom came too. Most importantly, the ultrasound place allowed us to bring Aubrey and Blaine! I cannot even put into words how much it meant to me to sit with them on either side of me as we were able to watch their baby brother stretch and squirm. To see the looks on their faces was truly priceless. That' right! I said baby brother!!! We're having a boy! I am totally surprised. I just had a hunch all along that it was a girl. We can't all be right all the time :) I would have been 100% happy either way. It's hard to explain after longing for this baby for such a long time, but everything after being pregnant, is just extra. I cannot wait to hold my sweet little boy!

Then, at 11:03 last night, on his Uncle Brandon's birthday, our newest nephew came into the world! We are so thrilled for J & D and that Daniel Isaac has joined our family. What his birth mother has done is something I cannot begin to imagine. May God bless her and comfort her. Welcome to the family Daniel!

Missouri 2009

We had a great time! I love being able to travel and see my family. It's a shame we're so spread out though. I so wish I was able to spend more time with my sweet nieces and nephews (and their moms and dads). Here are a few highlights:

Sweet Evie girl and me

Evie giving me her big smiles :)

Blaine, me, and my sister, Amy

Kelly, Blaine, and Aubrey

Can't wait for next time already!