tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51036234036721204972024-03-19T04:17:08.909-05:00Tales from SuburbiaThe road less traveled...heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.comBlogger129125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-19918696272881754432013-03-10T18:55:00.001-05:002013-03-10T18:56:22.655-05:00Blessed, blessed, blessed.I've been a bad blogger (again). My only real excuse is that I've been busy playing Candy Crush. Seriously. This is an addiction that can only be rivaled by the Great Spider Solitaire Addiction of 2006. I'll admit it. That is the first step, right?<br />
<br />
Anyway, last Monday, March 4 was our big anatomy scan! I was beyond excited. Brandon and I flew to Dallas and then drove to Wichita Falls on Sunday. Monday morning, we met Ivy for breakfast at IHOP and then a tour of labor and delivery at the hospital. For the most part, everything was great with that. The staff was really nice, even if mostly ignorant of the surrogacy process. I think they will do their best to accomodate us and I actually feel much better after meeting with them. I think I speak for Ivy and myself when I say that July can't get here soon enough! We cannot wait for delivery day and all the amazing, amazing feelings that come with that!<br />
<br />
Then, we were off to Ivy's doctor's office for the scan. Everything looked perfect! Two sweet hands with adorable fingers, two sweet feet with tiny toes, a gorgeous beating heart, stomach, kidneys, brain...all perfect. And...the anticipation of the gender reveal...we are having a GIRL!!! I still can't believe it! Each time we refer to her as, well, a "her" or "she" I have to take a moment to realize it's all real. We would have been thrilled with a boy or girl and really, truly just wanted a healthy baby. It has been so long since we've had a little girl though (Aubrey will be 13 in May!) and we are so excited with the newness of it. I'm also thrilled that Aubrey will have a sister (she is too, bursting into tears when she found out). And, I'm happy Blaine and Abram will have a little sister to love and protect. It's just wonderful.<br />
<br />
And, because no post is complete without pictures, here are some jewels...<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Introducing...Miss July (her nickname given by my 90 year old grandmother). She has a real name but I'm not quite ready to announce it :)</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglkViP_l_gMUyK7Y7v-oMoipgR9inBkBiaxe2v-0c_mBeJz7oS_GHVgAFWPc0J-kQCWq0BH2MX-8CEMNUhLBmVwwBZQoTl8lZh3OLXvBOEHrH5M182wcITLqocNTZewhbz_TxngWl_HG4/s1600/C360_2013-03-04-13-51-12_org-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglkViP_l_gMUyK7Y7v-oMoipgR9inBkBiaxe2v-0c_mBeJz7oS_GHVgAFWPc0J-kQCWq0BH2MX-8CEMNUhLBmVwwBZQoTl8lZh3OLXvBOEHrH5M182wcITLqocNTZewhbz_TxngWl_HG4/s320/C360_2013-03-04-13-51-12_org-1.jpg" width="294" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Ivy at 18 weeks! Isn't she adorable!?</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-i5BjREh5f2kj_3Ad5QJm-vsZoqeH8hOng4g6uPUN5MkgSoFQDACyurMD_k6X_zvfK_6xfXO4pnOHHxgf9BUcxXdeVDUnc-CQNKbu6ku-7KAEB7x52XlpY6EI32RTOGRmg7PRPp8SkJI/s1600/885968_10200296036196513_257361177_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-i5BjREh5f2kj_3Ad5QJm-vsZoqeH8hOng4g6uPUN5MkgSoFQDACyurMD_k6X_zvfK_6xfXO4pnOHHxgf9BUcxXdeVDUnc-CQNKbu6ku-7KAEB7x52XlpY6EI32RTOGRmg7PRPp8SkJI/s320/885968_10200296036196513_257361177_o.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
We did gender reveal cupcakes for our older children and a few friends. Abram was in heaven! </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2Sl6oUlk0eejVtORAlTj1nTSVeAUaQpSOCijnzYsjpi12GjYWDaPfOYKE6U-R9GgqJ0JcOYW7RBh6tFDbl0dLRpxXqMUK3-9H9K_KF7ko3DKCTeQlqju2hpK8Pi1hVljfN8R-7u0xImU/s1600/DSCN3466.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2Sl6oUlk0eejVtORAlTj1nTSVeAUaQpSOCijnzYsjpi12GjYWDaPfOYKE6U-R9GgqJ0JcOYW7RBh6tFDbl0dLRpxXqMUK3-9H9K_KF7ko3DKCTeQlqju2hpK8Pi1hVljfN8R-7u0xImU/s320/DSCN3466.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
PINK!!!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixs-qrsmkqtievpvD4ecbFI6pfs8c2GEWyDx9jR0Q2WlyMjAe3Zjo-FCO2PkUV8Qi4XvXHEC_MjMvDQ5sNNso1AEMpok8pVSY-zh_TvYVadpBoeyG4x1nwsquuzJvqp0bJc-MUIPT7wgA/s1600/DSCN3473.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixs-qrsmkqtievpvD4ecbFI6pfs8c2GEWyDx9jR0Q2WlyMjAe3Zjo-FCO2PkUV8Qi4XvXHEC_MjMvDQ5sNNso1AEMpok8pVSY-zh_TvYVadpBoeyG4x1nwsquuzJvqp0bJc-MUIPT7wgA/s320/DSCN3473.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Brandon and I celebrating our second little girl!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSI6CzioTtFIc0lYkQwbO7JBCa3VZUH4VoxR5aK2ZcCwUYhq1R2W-XhTONIZAFYCM99lNAQUU-Xea3E4YkvGy261tSwdJSbrGtKsBJl1CjGvM6pybfRdTv5FXd3waVJVCBoAo1XNAjpY8/s1600/DSCN3472.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSI6CzioTtFIc0lYkQwbO7JBCa3VZUH4VoxR5aK2ZcCwUYhq1R2W-XhTONIZAFYCM99lNAQUU-Xea3E4YkvGy261tSwdJSbrGtKsBJl1CjGvM6pybfRdTv5FXd3waVJVCBoAo1XNAjpY8/s320/DSCN3472.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-11238783721580494402013-01-17T17:04:00.000-06:002013-01-17T17:04:07.145-06:00Thankful...Monday, I flew to Dallas, rented a car, and drove 2.5 hours to Wichita Falls, TX. We are planning for Ivy to deliver the baby there because it is the closest major hospital across the TX line from her (she's in OK). We need to deliver in TX from a legal standpoint. It was her first appointment with her new OB and they did an ultrasound. Here is our sweet one...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisqbQIppAgTcX2I_FFQJxtyIAOSbJ_OFGdK8L-LmwfwziGqRYQIIB4f2tt1hoKU5NxANNA40Mq1ksUpzqwLzDNSn-7STLDX_4QdBABz4kQQiQIKzTrMWAMTF1cqBMbBf8jdwuQlIN7Y54/s1600/face1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisqbQIppAgTcX2I_FFQJxtyIAOSbJ_OFGdK8L-LmwfwziGqRYQIIB4f2tt1hoKU5NxANNA40Mq1ksUpzqwLzDNSn-7STLDX_4QdBABz4kQQiQIKzTrMWAMTF1cqBMbBf8jdwuQlIN7Y54/s320/face1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4KOjeFbTa0fIfvAuxjkGYgYRxRbs1K86vDzMklsklvzmKGkvp7LGVKBT0-PWJhzOAVSwBYXVqLN642165PyufN0-vm5YxsSCuXr-DLRxH8Rvn91YXMG89DaVsYlAMhNbcwvOzRkAjUZc/s1600/face2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4KOjeFbTa0fIfvAuxjkGYgYRxRbs1K86vDzMklsklvzmKGkvp7LGVKBT0-PWJhzOAVSwBYXVqLN642165PyufN0-vm5YxsSCuXr-DLRxH8Rvn91YXMG89DaVsYlAMhNbcwvOzRkAjUZc/s320/face2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhszO6Y3MEHtv_pNPXrOU4Y5e2gr4v7Awakd-P5RgAUQhqKN17MDAP6pRJVutxxNnDX0GyzHybWCuWZX9P-VkhykuQ8sLLJGVJ8sKgcrMetH1zaxdtPb2idAeDZ5WqKWRxumX_VSTGwjhk/s1600/side+view1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhszO6Y3MEHtv_pNPXrOU4Y5e2gr4v7Awakd-P5RgAUQhqKN17MDAP6pRJVutxxNnDX0GyzHybWCuWZX9P-VkhykuQ8sLLJGVJ8sKgcrMetH1zaxdtPb2idAeDZ5WqKWRxumX_VSTGwjhk/s320/side+view1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_8vNe5fso6hWAtsPExCWBzkNpOts-Mb8tXqHtvFIVE2Uuya4S4htdgsNK1ZvJPW7lfzPuNy5jYCi1fr2PZck2svRv9ICB8YJQd7bxjR4RFtt6t8kwdylqRLXfwQghTjGaXVu31KE0uCs/s1600/hand.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_8vNe5fso6hWAtsPExCWBzkNpOts-Mb8tXqHtvFIVE2Uuya4S4htdgsNK1ZvJPW7lfzPuNy5jYCi1fr2PZck2svRv9ICB8YJQd7bxjR4RFtt6t8kwdylqRLXfwQghTjGaXVu31KE0uCs/s320/hand.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I don't care how long I live and how many prenatal ultrasounds I see...they will always amaze me. Ivy is now 12 weeks along and baby is measuring 12 weeks 2 days. Heart was pounding away at 169bpm and looked perfect. The nuchal fold looked great. We saw the chambers of the brain and even fingers :) It was so amazing to watch that screen. I was just overwhelmed with thankfulness. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Then today, Blaine came home from school and told me that he was given an assignment to write an essay about a person who changed his life. He chose to write about his little brother, Abram. I cannot really describe what hearing that felt like. Sure, they fight like cats and dogs and have all the normal sibling angst, but at the root of it all even Blaine knows how fortunate we are to have Abram in our lives. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Too often I go through my day to day and don't reflect on what <b>our</b> journey has been like since I lost my ability to carry children. When, Blaine was born, Aubrey was 14 months old. My sole focus was survival and any spare minute of sleep I could find. I was not thankful. I loved my children, but seriously, I was not thankful. Brandon and I both made a conscious decision to cherish every moment with Abram and <i>enjoy</i> him...something we didn't do with our first two. With all that infertility and April 24, 2004 took from me, it gave me something far greater...thankfulness. I now know what it's like to long for a child and dream every night for years of their face. The longing and aching for a little head to smell. I don't know if I would have ever gotten to that place had I not been forced there. I know it could have happened; I just don't think it would have. I don't know if my older children would have gotten to that place either. They have something their friends don't: a greater appreciation for their younger brother, an understanding of the trials we sometimes have to walk through to get something far greater than we could have imagined. They have learned much younger than most that sometimes in life you have to make sacrifices, pray really hard, and be willing to do whatever it takes to see your dream come to life. And, for that, aaallllll that, I am thankful. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXpsjSMT5Sf8Tng6SONJ3vGJN_X8rZyAF02dSKimqMdrr4GxY3aC7mDeacf7JxlTVoAcwd-Th7Cg3ytcwVcHgfvFg_L210nc7ScdaAasUcLs4uj-Xihvk01VfOyvM5SZCGitoUyHVqFxI/s1600/DSCN3352.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXpsjSMT5Sf8Tng6SONJ3vGJN_X8rZyAF02dSKimqMdrr4GxY3aC7mDeacf7JxlTVoAcwd-Th7Cg3ytcwVcHgfvFg_L210nc7ScdaAasUcLs4uj-Xihvk01VfOyvM5SZCGitoUyHVqFxI/s320/DSCN3352.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-30772566066658778072013-01-01T11:19:00.000-06:002013-01-01T11:21:42.683-06:00New Year, New Beginnings<div style="text-align: justify;">
Happy New Year <span style="font-size: x-small;">(from the worst blogger on the face of the Earth)</span>! So much has happened since my last post. I was so tied up with Christmas and family that blogging became last on the list. So, here's my attempt at a catch up.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Ivy, my Brandon, and I met in Dallas on December 11 for the ultrasound. Here's what we saw...</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO3IY4aGiqMZbkg8tleAChi-x-xoPnLoIGyX4adoREFerGwc7aZnbat3f6Mu1xewYEigEz7mqRwzaU2OCbXxwSR_fWgEw9Dv4hyDbFo4bLwPsWasfCv2zNdMwy2EnaEGHeBS4Mckh88OU/s1600/C360_2012-12-11-13-54-24.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO3IY4aGiqMZbkg8tleAChi-x-xoPnLoIGyX4adoREFerGwc7aZnbat3f6Mu1xewYEigEz7mqRwzaU2OCbXxwSR_fWgEw9Dv4hyDbFo4bLwPsWasfCv2zNdMwy2EnaEGHeBS4Mckh88OU/s320/C360_2012-12-11-13-54-24.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
One absolutely beautiful, exactly on target at 7 weeks 1 day, baby with a heart rate of 144bpm. There really is nothing like that sight. Overjoyed is the only word to even come close to the emotions we were all feeling. Dr. E. said the bleed looked to be just about gone and he felt the pregnancy was very stable. Music to our ears! He released Ivy to her OB's care and told her to quit her medications at 11 weeks. We exchanged lots of hugs with the staff at ARCC and said our see-you-in-a-couple-years (remember, we have two frozen maybe babies there). It was a wonderful day.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
So, here we are. Ivy is 10 weeks 1 day today and still feeling pretty green (Zofran has helped a ton). She has 6 more days of the crazy med regimen she's been on for months and her first OB appointment is January 14, 12 weeks, for an ultrasound and meeting with a Nurse Practitioner. I am going to fly up to Dallas and then drive the rest of the way to Wichita Falls to be there for that. I cannot wait to see how our baby has grown! Our official due date is July 29. I cannot wait!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
Ivy came to visit us in Houston for the first time last weekend. We had a great time! Friday night we had a get together with some of our surrogacy friends. It was so much fun. Then Saturday, Ivy and I went shopping at a large outlet mall here. It was so fun to watch her try on maternity clothes and we just enjoyed the time together. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
Saturday night, Ivy, my Brandon, Kelly, and I went to the Rockets/Thunder game. I am a huge Rockets fan and Ivy loves the Thunder. Talk about a blast <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(even if the Rockets lost)</span>! Kelly and I took this picture while in Las Vegas in August...</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUjRTSNRNDUs4Y73bh0HpqwRgGDqpezFsXg2wCavGj16T5deYQskdnldhFBuigp5CLE-nHsxhVCotusku5YDR0hzfUqOI9sFDQmwC2tfPvVSvg4QGockGtje1gRakbpmJCf40WIiuJA7o/s1600/8905_4300099590674_426897900_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUjRTSNRNDUs4Y73bh0HpqwRgGDqpezFsXg2wCavGj16T5deYQskdnldhFBuigp5CLE-nHsxhVCotusku5YDR0hzfUqOI9sFDQmwC2tfPvVSvg4QGockGtje1gRakbpmJCf40WIiuJA7o/s320/8905_4300099590674_426897900_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
We recently decided that we will try to recreate this picture everywhere we go. Here we are at the Rockets/76ers game on December 19. We decided this on the fly and obviously forgot what the original picture looked like...</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLM6SSlPK5yPJRgiE4aTkIClxYrntlJjUG4Xu2Ofk2z2EUM7MnGJkfA3JZrmXfBolLDuBFwENKprVaHs76ZDrCETrNfGbIArXbruZIXFJ26d_ncEZVNAt8mHOftWXMo6FHguhD7v2iiIs/s1600/262731_4254975647711_273963363_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLM6SSlPK5yPJRgiE4aTkIClxYrntlJjUG4Xu2Ofk2z2EUM7MnGJkfA3JZrmXfBolLDuBFwENKprVaHs76ZDrCETrNfGbIArXbruZIXFJ26d_ncEZVNAt8mHOftWXMo6FHguhD7v2iiIs/s320/262731_4254975647711_273963363_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
And, then the Rockets/Thunder game on December 29. This time we added Ivy to the middle in her James Harden beard (if you don't get that, you are not an NBA fan). I cannot even describe how hard we laughed. Even if no one else thinks we are hysterically funny, we do so it's okay.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg7H69DpqKxSjEcAHX_9CS_8Y5s4ekvVuCM1qK2UvSawushzWWClQDsX_SVyhd5UFGgrfX0HHqpcRDr5kx76BhBXydRE2Z4zNG7eWIek2oU1dAXAYx_gzLvc5VcSN_HM9qxzqyzrADIqo/s1600/735500_4303730586554_45494145_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg7H69DpqKxSjEcAHX_9CS_8Y5s4ekvVuCM1qK2UvSawushzWWClQDsX_SVyhd5UFGgrfX0HHqpcRDr5kx76BhBXydRE2Z4zNG7eWIek2oU1dAXAYx_gzLvc5VcSN_HM9qxzqyzrADIqo/s320/735500_4303730586554_45494145_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I love, love, love my Kelly and Ivy!!!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-33167537704579542322012-12-10T17:59:00.003-06:002012-12-10T17:59:54.472-06:00Life on the RollercoasterMaybe that's what I need to change my blog name to. I keep hoping eventually the rollercoaster will stop and let me off though. One of these days...<br />
<br />
Well, our first ultrasound was November 1. We have about a 4 hour drive to Irving and Ivy has a little over a 3 hour drive. On our way there, she and I were talking. We both said we'd be absolutely shocked if we saw two little ones, considering her beta numbers. When we got to the clinic, they took us straight back. Dr. E and our nurse, T, were equally excited as us, I think. Ivy laid on the table and T began. It seemed like an eternity before we saw anything but I'm sure it was only a few seconds. Then, into view was one perfect gestational sac and a yolk sac within it, exactly what you want to see at 5 weeks 4 days! Ivy looked at me and said "One baby, Heather!" Dr. E immediately said "I think you're speaking too soon. We still have half your uterus to check out!" Just then, T shifted the ultrasound wand slightly and into view...a second sac!!! Dr. E said "See! I told you!" Ivy's reaction was hilarious. I'm sure mine was just as funny. I jumped out of my chair and got as close to the screen as I could. I could not believe my eyes. With a better look, Dr. E explained that the second sac was not as well defined and was slightly smaller. He said there was no way to know whether it was a twin in the process of catching up, a twin in the process of vanishing, or a dreaded SCH (sub chorionic hematoma= a blood pocket very common in IVF pregnancies). Looking at the embryos, one was smaller than the other. Looking at the betas, from one to two did not double. From two to three it more than doubled. A twin in the process of catching up makes the most sense. After the initial shock, we all believed we had two babies. We scheduled a follow up ultrasound to check heartbeats for Dec. 14, 7 weeks 4 days.<br />
<br />
Ivy has had the normal 1st trimester exhaustion and a little more than normal nausea and vomiting. Dr. E called her out something to help her keep her food where it belongs and things were getting better. Then came Friday. I'll save everyone the details but it involved a LOT of blood with absolutely no warning. She pulled herself together and called the nurse. After a million questions, the nurse said it sounded like a textbook SCH. Even knowing these things are common does not help. Ivy's had some bleeding off and on since but nothing like that initial bleed. Thank God! In light of that, our second ultrasound has been moved up to tomorrow, the 11th. We are expecting that the second sac we saw on the 30th was actually the bleed and are all praying for a healthy baby and heartbeat tomorrow.<br />
<br />
I have a peace I really can't explain...the peace that surpasses understanding. In August when we found out we were not pregnant, Brandon wrote an email to his family telling them the news. In it he said, "We don't understand why we felt so strongly that we were to go down this road only to have it fail." My heart was in a million pieces and those words summed it up. Four months later, I feel like God has revealed one of the answers to me. Ivy and I have known each other for four years online: surrogacy support boards, facebook, email. We matched for this journey at the end of May. I've felt I've known her for the last four years but the way our relationship has grown in the last four months is remarkable. She is one of my closest friends and we talk and text about all kinds of things. Of course, I wish we would have gotten pregnant in August, but in light of everything, I'm so thankful for the extra time to get to know Ivy better. It really is a sweet, sweet relationship that I cherish. Coming to terms with losing the ability to carry your own child is not easy and entrusting someone else to do it is not something everyone can do. The friendship that goes so far beyond this life that I have with Dawn and now, Ivy, is such gift though. I am thankful.heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-17220965731832437762012-11-25T21:18:00.001-06:002012-11-25T21:18:09.400-06:00Beta Catch UpI have been a horrible blogger. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster, have one really sick kiddo, and there was Thanksgiving in there too. Those are my excuses anyway :)<br />
<br />
So, to catch up, our first beta at 9dp5dt was 59. Pregnant! Then, there was the beta 48 hours later at 11dp5dt, 107. Betas should double every 48 hours although the acceptable window is 48-72 hours. We made that but it was still enough to give us all pause. I'm not going to lie, when the nurse called and told me the number, I burst into tears. I was terrified we were losing the baby or it was a chemical pregnancy. We started out a little low and then to have it not double...well, it was scary. We decided to do one more beta another 48 hours later to see what was happening, and drumroll please...we needed 214...we got...290!!! So, our doubling time between beta 1 and beta 2 was about 55 hours. Doubling time between beta 2 and beta 3 was only 33 hours! And, if you cut out that middle beta and look at an overall doubling time between beta 1 and beta 3, we're down to just under 42 hours! We all breathed a major sigh of relief with that one!<br />
<br />
So, Ivy's hpts continue to get darker and we have our first ultrasound this Friday at 5 weeks 4 days. We are all so excited to see who is in there! Whoohoo!heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-54214319370531901442012-11-16T11:12:00.000-06:002012-11-16T11:12:54.243-06:00Amazing...what one day and a ton of prayer can do...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggq8-oyp-pPVFQtaOx1EgyU5kBLUkUC8XMg6in1NGXG3ncuChppY05emrpMsrj9S5SG0zobaYs_ymW2mu2uABduBXyKPE9k1puDD_SDAATJYseEY39YSh-gl6z_P09ehwK6cQgCBhjGMY/s1600/adjust5.75.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggq8-oyp-pPVFQtaOx1EgyU5kBLUkUC8XMg6in1NGXG3ncuChppY05emrpMsrj9S5SG0zobaYs_ymW2mu2uABduBXyKPE9k1puDD_SDAATJYseEY39YSh-gl6z_P09ehwK6cQgCBhjGMY/s320/adjust5.75.jpg" width="191" /></a></div>
If you can see that second line, congratulations, your eyes are good! This was taken this morning, 5.75dp5dt and it means one thing...<br />
<b><br /></b>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>WE ARE HAVING A BABY (OR TWO)!!! </b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Ivy's been getting faint positives now since 3.5dp5dt but they were too light to even photograph, much less make us comfortable. With this one, we all agreed it's time to call it. Of course, we are still very anxious for beta on Monday, but this is definite reassurance that we've got someone snuggling in! Thank you to all of you who prayed for us. God is so good! </div>
heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-6332945989048807322012-11-15T08:45:00.000-06:002012-11-15T08:45:11.089-06:00Oh, the perils of the 2ww...I've struggled with what to write or if I should write at all. I promised transparency though, for myself and anyone who is following along. Know that we cherish every kind word, every prayer, thought, text message, email, etc. It's just hard to figure out how to respond when we don't have an answer. We were hoping, praying, wishing for a clear positive much earlier than was probably realistic (but it does happen) and we passed that on to everyone in our lives. My mistake, completely. The truth is that, despite all my optimism, IVF is a terribly complicated process and the 2ww is pure torture. It is in no way guaranteed, even when the doctor gives you a 70% chance. There is also high incidence of what is called a "chemical pregnancy" in IVF. I had never even heard of a chemical until I entered the world of surrogacy. In August, we experienced it and it is one of the cruelest jokes that can be played. Pregnancy tests will show positive and then become negative again or they just don't darken, indicating no rise or a very slow rise in hcg (hcg should rise very quickly in early pregnancy). This is an indicator that something tried to happen and then didn't develop for whatever reason and it is heartbreaking. You see those first faint lines and allow yourself to get excited only to have them fade away. Terrible.<br />
<br />
With that said, Ivy has been seeing those familiar, super faint lines for a day or so now. This is exactly what we were praying to avoid. We know we are still very early but it is nearly impossible not to let past experience taint expectations. So, please, please, please, friend, family member, random person finding my blog on the internet, pray that those lines darken up quickly and this is a viable pregnancy. Thank you all and we'll update when we have news. At the latest, beta blood test is Monday. heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-640425858517701762012-11-12T16:45:00.002-06:002012-11-12T16:47:59.054-06:00Transfer and Embryo UpdateI have a lot of ground to cover in this post and it might be all over the place, but here goes :)<br />
<br />
Transfer was Saturday morning. Everything went beautifully. Brandon needed to be home with the kids. They had been without us for 5 days and Aubrey had a dress fitting, so my mom rode with me to Dallas. It was nice to have her meet Ivy and her Brandon and see the transfer process. She was a nervous wreck though!<br />
<br />
The embryologist came in first and told us we had two beautiful blasts to transfer, one 4BB and one 4CB. (You can see more about the grading here: <a href="http://www.advancedfertility.com/blastocystimages.htm">Blasts grading system</a>) She also let me know that we had one additional blast ready to be frozen immediately! I was amazed but not as amazed as I was about to be...we also had 5 additional embryos still growing, just not quite blasts yet! From day 3 to day 5, when they expect you to lose 2/3 of your embryos, we only lost 1 embryo!!! I absolutely could not believe it. They will only freeze blasts though so they were going to watch them for one more day and then freeze what made it. More on that in a minute. The embryologist then talked with us about the chances of an embryo splitting, resulting in triplets, due to the "advanced staging" of the embryos. She made sure we were all on board and we waited for our RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist aka fertility doc). We were surprised when we were told it would be Dr. Le doing the transfer. He is the head doc at our clinic and we were not scheduled with him. When he came in, he told us he came in on his day off for our transfer because he didn't feel right letting someone else do it. That was pretty amazing. He had a very similar discussion with us and told us our chance at live birth was 70%, twins 40%, and a splitter resulting in triplets 3%. We decided we were okay with those odds and went ahead with the transfer.<br />
<br />
Ivy was a rockstar. Dr. Le went on and on about how easy she was and we all laughed the entire time. In no time, our two little blasts, had a new home.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixF202SKjfgFmlQ-yX6t8as0G7alfqr2dY1TCJnQEjnAygL1zpiDbc6c9tcSRzCQrSxpug_kjiu4l-QZRV0NCTEgTx1UBB1OLWdH__bk16zF8SJFCvJs8IJTCsDD5FJS9Mgagu_GXd9b0/s1600/5dt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixF202SKjfgFmlQ-yX6t8as0G7alfqr2dY1TCJnQEjnAygL1zpiDbc6c9tcSRzCQrSxpug_kjiu4l-QZRV0NCTEgTx1UBB1OLWdH__bk16zF8SJFCvJs8IJTCsDD5FJS9Mgagu_GXd9b0/s320/5dt.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
An actual picture of our little guys, lovingly referred to as "Boudreaux" and "Thibodeaux" for now ;)</div>
<br />
We then headed across the street to the hotel where Ivy would serve out her 24 hours of bedrest. I had snuck into her room before the transfer and left this there:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRg2FoTkHtdOaifjN2krCFmYUd4FRVkBWNqoClFk8JpYZqOJ3JiO7q8xyiT6OygK12yp4RLvKwhGMPjujdgAjTI8rAI-duYnbI443hMBzmaaqB-gyLv7JSnWz54wx29t4hTpUr8334TSc/s1600/gift.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRg2FoTkHtdOaifjN2krCFmYUd4FRVkBWNqoClFk8JpYZqOJ3JiO7q8xyiT6OygK12yp4RLvKwhGMPjujdgAjTI8rAI-duYnbI443hMBzmaaqB-gyLv7JSnWz54wx29t4hTpUr8334TSc/s320/gift.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I got with her Brandon last week and had him send me a list of all her favorite snack foods. I filled up this giant basket with chips, candies, drinks, 34 (literally!) pregnancy tests, and an LSU hoodie because <i>obviously</i> she needs an LSU hoodie. Her face when she walked in the room and saw it was priceless. It was great. We had lunch there in the room with them and then headed back to Houston.<br />
<br />
Ivy and I had originally thought it best not to test until Wednesday night but I'm dying over here! I think I've got her convinced to try Wednesday morning now. It is absolutely taking forever to get here though!!!<br />
<br />
Now, more on our totsicles aka frozen embryos. I got the call this morning that only one of our five slow pokes made it. So, we officially have two little ones on ice! The one they froze Saturday is a 4CB (same as the little one on the left above) and the one frozen Sunday is a 6CC!!! That guy was a day slow but an overachiever! I am overwhelmed. We've never had this happen before and it's hard to put into words. Before I lost my ability to carry children, I never thought about the size of our family and how many children we would ultimately have. Now, it's all I think about. Here we were praying God would grant us one more and He went so far above and beyond that we now have 4 maybe babies out there! Also, knowing we have two frozen, of course we will wait until the baby or babies Ivy is carrying are a couple years old to let those have a shot at the world outside, but I want so badly to know them now! I honestly can't describe it. My heart overflows!heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-11523153919538840922012-11-09T09:13:00.001-06:002012-11-09T09:50:43.950-06:00FAQsI've been getting lots of questions and although I always send an answer back to the person who asked, I felt it may be a good idea to answer them here too. If one (or five) people are willing to message me these, then I figure they must be on lots of people's minds.<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>How did you and Ivy meet?</li>
</ul>
I am a member of a small, private, email based, support group for surrogacy in Texas/Oklahoma. I joined this group in November 2008 when Dawn and I were just beginning our journey to bring Abram into the world. Ivy joined late December 2008 when she was just entering the world of surrogacy herself. At some point, we became facebook friends too. By the time we officially "matched" in May/June 2012, we felt like we had known each other forever even though we had never met. We finally met in August 2012 at our first transfer. What we had known from email/facebook/text/phone was instantly true in person...the two of us are meant to be lifelong friends. We had more fun than should be allowed. Lots of people even say we look alike. I love this lady!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwFfhcN8ZMekwvFnA7LeVHxK-0bc3yz6R3FdEmqpNe1I32-33avP4y_QIN79L_huUS7oXBc-O1bjJsghh4JWPu5b23oFlPsEw9fYO9IoyFNLE1NMVQnqCBerhO-ALyplMlkSlNPUE8kKo/s1600/DSCN3089.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwFfhcN8ZMekwvFnA7LeVHxK-0bc3yz6R3FdEmqpNe1I32-33avP4y_QIN79L_huUS7oXBc-O1bjJsghh4JWPu5b23oFlPsEw9fYO9IoyFNLE1NMVQnqCBerhO-ALyplMlkSlNPUE8kKo/s320/DSCN3089.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
Me and Ivy<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>It's your egg and Bradon's sperm right? Ivy is the carrier?</li>
</ul>
Yes, yes, yes. Trust me, with what my body has been feeling for weeks now, if they didn't take eggs from me we are gonna have a giant problem ;) In all seriousness, just like Abram (and his non-surrogate carried brother and sister before him), the baby or babies coming from this will be 100% biologically Brandon and mine's. Ivy has been wonderful enough, just like Dawn, to open her uterus to us...hahahaha! Seriously though, she has been on hormones for weeks now preparing her body to not only accept a pregnancy but one that is not her genetic material. It's a big deal. Once pregnancy is achieved, she will continue hormones to maintain the pregnancy through the first trimester. Then, she will love and care for our little one(s) until they are ready to make their big entrance to the world. Then, she'll be bombarded with pictures and thank yous until it makes her sick, just ask Dawn ;)<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>What is a beta?</li>
</ul>
Awwwww, if you are asking this, you have obviously never been through the crazy world of infertility. This one is fun! Two weeks from egg retrieval (this time is commonly called the "two week wait"), Ivy will have a blood test to confirm pregnancy. You can think of egg retrieval as ovulation in the natural pregnancy realms. 14 days past ovulation is a typical marking point for pregnancy. We will know by then whether Ivy is pregnant or not because home pregnancy tests (hpts) will have told us, but we won't know <i>how</i> pregnant. That's where beta numbers come in. They are a quantitative marker for the amount of hcg in her bloodstream. Truthfully, they tell you you are pregnant or not, but in the world of surrogacy we obsess over them...day and night. A small number can mean a chemical pregnancy-a pregnancy that attempted to start but never developed. A large number can mean multiples. Since we will transfer two and won't have an ultrasound until 7 weeks pregnant, obsessing over the number helps pass the time ;) They will repeat them every 48 hours for a week or so. They need to double every 48 hours to indicate a healthy pregnancy. This is the most important thing!<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>If you guys still have lots of embryos left on Saturday, what will happen to them?</li>
</ul>
First, we will transfer the two absolute best into Ivy's waiting uterus. We have three options with any remaining embryos 1) dispose of them, 2) freeze them and anonymously donate them to another couple, 3) freeze them to use for ourselves later. The only suitable option for us is to freeze them for ourselves. Brandon calls this the we're-gonna-need-more-surrogates option ;) We know that if we have embryos to freeze Saturday, God will provide a way to give them a chance at life. Our previous cycles, I absolutely made myself crazy playing the number game...if we have left over embryos, what happens? will we have a willing surrogate? what if we don't <i>want</i> more children and we have extra embryos? And, amazingly, we never had any embryos left. This time, I have felt such peace about it. That if God preserves any embryos for us, not only will He provide a carrier for them, He will also put the desire and longing in our hearts to have those children come to life. Truthfully, I kinda chalked this up to our track record of never having any and deciding not to worry unnecessarily. Now, with 9 little ones growing, I know that this is <i>true</i> peace that God has placed in my heart and I am so thankful.<br />
<br />
<br />
If there is anything I haven't answered or you just have a question, please write me. I am more than willing to share and, in most cases, I bet you aren't the only one wondering.heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-41935550282926269142012-11-08T16:23:00.003-06:002012-11-08T16:23:40.094-06:00On Cloud Nine...Today is day 3 in IVF world. We were told the embryologist would call and update us on our little embryos today and I was so nervous. We have never had any embryos make it past today, with the exception of Abram, obviously, and we transferred him on day 3. So, when the phone rang my stomach did turns. You cannot imagine my surprise when the voice on the other end told me we, on day 3, still have <b>NINE</b> embryos!!! Seven that look fantastic and two that are on the slow end for growth but seem to still have a chance. All I could do was laugh hysterically...seriously. Then, in a complete lapse of judgement, I texted Ivy and said "Are you sitting down?" After she texted me back that she was, I delivered the news. Poor thing thought for sure I was going to tell her that we had none left to transfer and was freaking out. She was ecstatic when she got the real news and I totally deserve whatever she throws at me when it comes to beta numbers :)<br />
<br />
With that said, the greatest amount of loss for embryos is the time between day 3 and day 5. Statistically, only 1/3 of embryos survive this time because there are some crucial things happening those days. It is amazing, that after 3 cycles, we finally made it this far. Day 5 embryos really allow the doctors to determine which are the healthy ones. I am just so thankful! So, transfer is at 10:30am on Saturday. I cannot wait to see Ivy and her Brandon and get the transfer morning report. We're all praying for two blastocysts (the medical term for 5 day embryos that look super duper good) to transfer.<br />
<br />
Also, if you want to check out Ivy's blog, here it is...<a href="http://babybakinpartdeux.blogspot.com/">Baby Bakin Part Deux</a> Today's post is particularly hilarious!heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-5604113644032062152012-11-06T17:01:00.000-06:002012-11-06T17:01:14.724-06:00Numbers.Retrieval went well yesterday. The doctor told us on Saturday to expect 7-10 eggs. Imagine my surprise when I woke up in recovery and was told 16!!! Just to recap: my first retrieval (Abram's), I had 8 eggs. 6 were mature, 4 fertilized. We transferred 2 on day 3 (got pregnant with him) and the other 2 arrested before freezing on day 5. My second retrieval (last August), I had 9 eggs retrieved and only 2 of those fertilized normally. We transferred those 2 on day 3 and that resulted in a negative. So, we were all very anxious to get the call today from the embryologist with the fertilization report. We were hoping to have at least 4, so we could do a 5 day transfer (pushing to 5 days before transfer gives the doctors a much better idea of which embryos are viable). When the phone rang, I held my breath. In August, I never expected to hear that we only had 2 embryos and did not want that feeling again. This time...we had 14 of 16 mature eggs and 9 fertilized!!! So, at 24 hours post-fertilization, 9 embryos are growing! This is great news! We will make it to day 5 for transfer for the first time ever. The next update will be on day 3, Thursday. Odds are, several will arrest before then but we're starting out much better than we ever have. This does great things for our chances of viable pregnancy. Whew.<br />
<br />
As for me, I'm doing much better this round. The doctors decided to treat me for the complications I had last time before they occurred this time. That has made all the difference in the world. I'm still dealing with some nausea and cramping but not nearly what I experienced in August. I am just one overwhelmed and thankful girl today!heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-40970893491746350302012-11-04T18:37:00.000-06:002012-11-04T18:37:13.924-06:00It's tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime!Saturday morning's appointment revealed several follicles at the magical 19-20mm mark and several just behind. My estrogen level was at 1847, so we are good to go! I triggered last night and retrieval is scheduled for 9am.<br />
<br />
There are so many emotions going through my head. We are super anxious to get home to our children. We miss them terribly. I am so excited to hear how many eggs we get and how that translates to embryo numbers (we'll have that information Tuesday morning). I'm also looking ahead to transfer, which will be Thursday if we have less than 4 embryos and Saturday if we have more than four (either way we are only transferring two ;). Then on to pregnancy tests and, God willing, ultrasounds. It is an incredibly exciting time and one we have been waiting for for months now. At the same time, I am terrified. My retrieval in August went very wrong and I was sick for days. I'm praying that nothing like that happens this time. That cycle also left us with lots of questions, no healthy embryos, and tons of tears and heartache. Although I know I would survive it again, I don't want to...at all. So, that's where I am tonight, roughly 13 hours before I'll arrive for my procedure...a huge bundle of nerves. heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-49364437571783080182012-11-02T10:07:00.002-05:002012-11-02T10:07:33.953-05:00To Dallas We Go!My first monitoring appointment at our clinic in Dallas was yesterday. We got up before the sun and headed out at 5:45am to be here for 10:15 with the intention to stay here until I retrieve. I had an estrogen check on Monday in Houston and was at 232. Yesterday, it had risen to just over 1,200. A very nice rise given the problems I had with my levels in August. Ultrasound showed 13 follicles averaging 14mm. They expect follicles to grow about 2mm a day while on stimulation meds and they trigger a patient between 18-20mm. He went ahead and doubled my lupron and added another injection to my medications to help prevent me from ovulating (I have a history of that). In August, I had a huge jump at about the same point in my cycle I am now. Dr. E. blamed it on faulty measuring between clinics (I had been seen in Houston, Las Vegas, and Dallas in less than 5 days). This time, we all thought it was best if I stayed put in Dallas with a consistent set of eyes on me. Well, sure enough, I went back this morning and in 22 hours, my follicles went from 14mm to 3 at 19-20mm and 4 more right behind in the 17-18mm range. Dr. E. was shocked. So, with that new information, the plan is to see me again tomorrow morning and assuming everything looks like it should, I will trigger tomorrow afternoon and retrieval will be 36 hours later- Monday morning. Praying, praying, praying for a much less eventful retrieval, easier recovery, and two healthy embryos to transfer 5 days later.heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-79179031002693893952012-10-25T10:25:00.000-05:002012-10-25T10:26:22.753-05:00It's time to GO!!!Got the call from the clinic yesterday that all was well with my ultrasound and estrogen level. The doctors decided, after reviewing everything, to have me start microdose lupron this morning and then stimulation medications on Saturday morning. I had 27 resting follicles on Tuesday. Follicles are what they use to anticipate egg development. Not every follicle will house an egg and not every egg even retrieved will fertilize, but they are a good indicator of how many eggs you can expect. With such a great number of follicles already, they think I will stimulate faster than normal for this drug protocol (I've never done this particular protocol but I've stimmed faster than normal my two previous cycles too). I will have blood drawn on Monday to again check my estrogen level (developing eggs produce estrogen). If that number is on the high end, I will have an ultrasound on Tuesday to check follicle size. When the majority of folllicles reach 18-20mm, I will take a trigger injection to tell the eggs to finish maturing and release. Retrieval is 36 hours after that trigger injection. Most women require 7-10 days of stimulation drugs to be ready. That would put us sometime between Friday, November 2, and Monday, November 5, for trigger. I expect retrieval to be Monday the 5th but you really never know with IVF. We are at the mercy of my body and its reaction. Our clinic is in Irving and although I have been able to do most of my monitoring here, as time gets closer, I will need to be there. They want me there starting Thursday the 1st and I will stay until the day after my procedure, whenever that may be.<br />
<br />
This is, by far, the most injections I've had in a cycle. 79 total. 60 of those 79 falling in a 10 day period. Add to that that one of those is Lovenox (high estrogen levels are a risk factor for clotting and I have a history of pulmonary embolism), and I will be one walking bruise. It will all be SO worth it though!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8Qe5iTdbvH6nx3R3UroSuvkcfPujhCq2WApBtMPOinBCmUR0Tk3Hiw4-0t3refaQ9ca8ZsggWi07G7efbyz8QEYaUhHJAMQ2VKojGvu-oafE6xBedSfmCNqEy5H0DVjs60uv15wKFPAQ/s1600/621329_4005687855672_826779863_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8Qe5iTdbvH6nx3R3UroSuvkcfPujhCq2WApBtMPOinBCmUR0Tk3Hiw4-0t3refaQ9ca8ZsggWi07G7efbyz8QEYaUhHJAMQ2VKojGvu-oafE6xBedSfmCNqEy5H0DVjs60uv15wKFPAQ/s320/621329_4005687855672_826779863_o.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Here's what 55 injections look like. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4Y_zoeW6_MA1Ut_CL0ZPoLQzkxSUXtskVmwweqUf3dleUGVuCT9V6JayuCN6AWLuxQ55oGjR-JV_VhOAEpcYmsFAotpNeZRIwaSM_IRLx75p1S1EQJ3KwZyQ5C8jAXxSPdoMS_ZfT0ko/s1600/169105_4009166182628_1208960236_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4Y_zoeW6_MA1Ut_CL0ZPoLQzkxSUXtskVmwweqUf3dleUGVuCT9V6JayuCN6AWLuxQ55oGjR-JV_VhOAEpcYmsFAotpNeZRIwaSM_IRLx75p1S1EQJ3KwZyQ5C8jAXxSPdoMS_ZfT0ko/s320/169105_4009166182628_1208960236_o.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
One down. 78 to go. If only they all used this little needle :)</div>
<br />
Ivy has her monitoring appointment on November 1 to make sure everything is nice and welcoming for our embryos. Then 5 days after retrieval, we will transfer the best two developing embryos to her. Ah, what a process!heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-12317469160721163242012-10-22T21:50:00.000-05:002012-10-22T21:50:43.578-05:00DelayedIn case not everyone has figured it out, we were delayed. Two weeks ago, I went in for my baseline ultrasound before starting injections and, TMI alert, I was in the process of ovulating through the birth control pills they had me on. Not good. Our RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) had me do a trigger injection that night to reset my ovaries. I then had blood work done last Wednesday to verify that worked. It did, so tomorrow I go in for another baseline ultrasound. If all looks well, I will start meds on Friday with a tentative retrieval November 6, 7, or 8 (the timing of these things is always a mystery). I am a nervous wreck. I just want all to go according to plan for ONCE! Because of this delay, poor Ivy has been on meds for nearly a month. She's such a trooper and has not complained at all. She's one of the good ones I tell you.<br />
<br />
The closer we get, the more anxious I get. I know I haven't gone into a lot of detail about our cycle in August, but trust me, it was a nightmare. My body revolted in just about every way possible and I was sick as a dog. So sick that after 13 years of marriage, I puked in my husband's car (multiple times). He still loves me though ;) I'm not looking forward to the physical torture cycling and retrieval are, but it will be so worth it when we see that little flicker on the ultrasound for the first time! I'm going to hold on to that image and pray my body takes it easy on me this go 'round. So, if you have a minute, please pray for us tomorrow morning that another step is complete and we get the green light. I promise to update as soon as I can too.<br />
<br />
Oh, one bright spot, the same day we found out about our medical delay, our PBO was granted by the judge. No more legal hurdles! Now, we just need an embryo or two to go with that piece of paper!heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-45239051502734402892012-10-01T13:35:00.001-05:002012-10-01T13:35:25.017-05:00A rundown of the process...I've had lots of questions about the process surrogacy takes and where we are at in it. I've never really explained it and decided that may be best. If you are like me and the type of person who just likes to know stuff, this should help. This is not necessarily a step by step for every surrogacy in every state. Each state has its own laws regarding surrogacy, so different processes apply. Also, some things are clinic mandated rather than state mandated, so those vary greatly too. For us, this is how our surrogacies have general gone. Also, there are lots of surrogacy agencies out there that can be very helpful. We have gone independent with both our journeys. It's really a personal preference.<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Generally, the first step is medical clearance for the surrogate. This may be done before or after the contract is in place. Both times, for us, our surrogates have come to us already cleared. This mostly means that an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist, the doctor who does the IVF procedure) has determined that medically they are a good candidate for surrogacy and an OB (obstetrician) has determined that they are safe to carry a pregnancy. Also, as part of this, most clinics require a psychological clearance for the surrogate and her husband.</li>
<li>Contracts. A surrogacy attorney writes up a surrogacy contract for both the surrogate and IPs (Intended Parents, that's us) to sign. This covers things you would probably never think of in a million years...or until you've been through a surrogacy. It protects both parties establishing a written agreement of the duties both sides have. From our financial responsibilities to Ivy agreeing not to do drugs to what happens to the child if Brandon and I both pass away while Ivy's pregnant, it's all in there.</li>
<li>Psychological clearance for the IPs. This was not required of us with our first surrogacy, but this time it was. Basically, we met with a psychologist and she determined that we are mentally stable enough to have another woman carry our child. </li>
<li>Legal. In Texas, surrogacy laws are very straightforward. There are criteria that must be met by the surrogate (have given birth before, be healthy, etc.) and IPs (be a married couple, have a need established by a doctor for a surrogate, etc.). Once the contract is signed by all parties, it must sit for 14 days before you can go forward with the medical stuff. Texas is a PBO (pre-birth order) state. This means that our petition is filed with the court and once a judge reviews our case and contract, we are issued a document that establishes our parentage of the child. In Abram's case, we were required to have a home study, but this is totally up to the judge. Our PBO was in hand before he even existed. In fact, before I even started medications for our IVF cycle. This document allows us to make medical decisions on the baby's behalf, as its parents. It also allows us to be the baby's parents from the moment it takes its first breath, including both our names going directly on his/her birth certificate.</li>
<li>IVF. The surrogate begins medications to suppress her ovulation and prepare her uterus to receive an embryo. I begin mediation to encourage my ovaries to produce multiple eggs, rather than the one that is normal in a month. Medication protocols vary widely in IVF. This time, Ivy started her injections yesterday, Sept 30. I begin mine on Oct 12. She has one a day. I have five. I will begin going in for ultrasounds and blood work every other day from Oct. 19. When I'm ready, I will take a trigger injection that tells my ovaries to wrap up maturing the eggs. 36 hours later, I go in for surgery. I'm put under and the eggs are harvested. That day, the eggs are fertilized with Brandon's sperm. Depending on how many we have growing and how they are doing, Ivy will go in 3 or 5 days later for two embryos to be transferred to her ready and waiting uterus. The first blood pregnancy test will be 2 weeks from retrieval day. She will likely begin testing at home a week or so from transfer though. During this time, she will stay on a variety of hormonal medications to encourage her body to accept our embryo as it would a natural pregnancy.</li>
</ul>
<br />
That's the process in a nutshell. It can be really complicated and there are tons of little steps I did not include. So, where we are...legal is done and we are waiting on the judge to issue our PBO. We've all been medically and psychologically cleared for another round. Retrieval is tentatively scheduled for the 24th or 25th of October, although I'm seriously praying it will be the 23rd, so Brandon can be with me (He'll be out of town the 24-26). Transfer is tentatively scheduled for the 29th or 30th. We appreciate all the prayers being sent up on our behalf. I'm feeling like October may be our month :) If there is anything I didn't make quite clear or any other questions, feel free to ask. I'm glad to answer. heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-91677779508900512182012-09-10T17:00:00.000-05:002012-09-10T17:00:59.856-05:00Food for thought...Today on facebook, I "liked" the page for the blog over at <a href="http://www.abellyformeababyforyou.blogspot.com/">A Belly For Me, A Baby For You</a>. They were recently featured on CNN. The basic story is that they are filming a documentary of a surrogate pregnancy. The surrogate happens to be the sister of the intended father. The twins she is carrying are biologically those of her brother and sister-in-law. They've had a lot of controversial, and uncalled for, comments.<br />
<br />
This afternoon she asked: <span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;">Let's reverse the question, would you be able to let another woman carry your baby/babies via surrogacy? Do you already have someone in mind? What do you think the hardest part about it would be?</span><br />
<br />
Being that I have and am again let another woman carry my baby, this question peaked my interest and reading the comments really got me thinking. It's something friends and family have asked me in a round about way. It's usually something like "How are you doing? Is it strange having someone else pregnant with your baby?" The short answer to this is, yes, it is strange. As a woman, it is not a natural thing to have another woman pregnant with your child. The comments on this particular question were mostly positive. There were a few that said they could not do it or the answer I can't stand...if you can't have children, then you aren't meant to *gag*. But most said they would if they were in a position to do it financially and had a need.<br />
<br />
The recurring answer to the hardest part was a lack of control and giving up feeling your child grow inside of you. Of course, giving up all that is involved in pregnancy is hard. I have been blessed to have experienced pregnancy and birth twice with Aubrey and Blaine. Although I was not the glowy, happy pregnant woman and was pretty much miserable 6 months out of 9, I would still love to be able to experience it again. It's the way it's <i>supposed </i>to be. I can't explain what it's like to wait for another woman to find out she's pregnant and tell you that you will be a mother. I can't explain what it's like to listen to her talk about your baby in a way only she knows him or have others come up and congratulate her on her pregnancy while you're together and want with every fiber of your being to shout out that it's your baby. It is just hard. And even thought it's hard, you are so grateful for every detail she's willing to share and every moment you are expecting, even if no one can see the physical signs. As an intended mother, you have to be able to tell those feelings of hurt, grief, and, yes, even resentment where to go. They don't belong in a surrogacy journey. You have to be able to focus on the miracle it is that another woman can and would do be willing to experience those things <b>for</b> you and share those things <b>with </b>you. Sure, there are times those feelings have and I'm sure will again get away from me and I retreat to my room to cry. I think that's natural. You don't all of a sudden stop hurting for what you've lost because someone is kind enough to give it to you another way.<br />
<br />
There were also lots of "only if my sister did it" or "yes, my best friend would". That is a beautiful sentiment and amazing when it works. My first thoughts of surrogacy (way back in 2005) included a family member doing it for us. The truth is that when the rubber meets the road, not everyone is cut out to do this and that is perfectly okay. I don't want anyone who is not comfortable with it to do it for me! I like to think I would do it for any one of my family members that needed, if I were able. Truth is, that's something I will never know for sure. It's much easier having been the recipient of such an extraordinary gift to think I could give it if the roles were reversed.<br />
<br />
As for the control aspect, that is what makes it of paramount importance to chose someone you trust with...well, your child's life. No one will be happy in a surrogacy relationship where a pregnancy is being micromanaged. It just doesn't work. I needed someone who I felt would treat my baby the way I would. I have been blessed with two of those women.
heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-40921085522525226172012-09-05T17:37:00.002-05:002012-10-22T21:54:34.427-05:00The longing for more...Brandon and I have always wanted a large family. When we were dating, he used to joke that we'd keep having children until we had two girls, whenever that may be, because he didn't think he could handle three girls :) In 2004, with the news that my uterus needed to be chunked in the biohazard bin, that dream all but died. It's hard to describe knowing that something is impossible yet wanting it more than you can handle. We looked into different ways to expand our family but none felt right. Then in 2006, I found gestational surrogacy and the idea that we could still have biological children with the help of someone exceptional. There were lots of roadblocks in the way of that dream but we spent the next three years pursuing it and November 29, 2009, Abram was born after a nearly flawless journey from IVF cycle to birth. (If you want more on that check out my posts from March 2009-December 2009. I recently did and was moved emotionally back to that incredible place.)<br />
<br />
With Abram, we made the decision to be open books about surrogacy and our struggle to become parents for a third time. I chronicled the whole thing here and for our facebook friends and family. There really was nothing hidden and I felt great about that. I wanted to be an avenue for information to anyone curious about surrogacy and a champion for "normal" couples everywhere that needed reproductive help. Our surrogate, Dawn, got pregnant the first try. We had no embryos left from that IVF cycle and felt that was our answer to whether we'd ever pursue a fourth child. But again, the thought of one more time was never far from our minds.<br />
<br />
After getting the all clear on my health at the beginning of the year, we began to entertain the idea of another journey. Dawn is happily retired and the thought of not only having to do IVF again, but also finding another surrogate to help us was daunting. Could we be so fortunate again? Over the past few years, I have developed many relationships with surrogates and intended parents from across the nation. I quietly spread the word within the surrogacy community that we were contemplating a second journey. In May, I found out my friend, Ivy, was also looking to match. We've known each other for a while and I instantly felt this could work. After some wonderful chats, we officially matched. We were all very excited but something about this time felt very different to me. For reasons I don't even know myself, we decided to keep it private. With surrogacy, I don't get that moment of finding out I'm pregnant and sharing that with my husband. We share it with another couple and although it is still special and intimate in its own way, it's different. I felt like I wanted it to be between us and no one else. So, that's what we did.<br />
<br />
We began to cycle at the beginning of July. I had egg retrieval the beginning of August and we transferred our only two surviving embryos three days later. The next two weeks waiting for the blood test were pure torture. I was sick as a dog from retrieval and home pregnancy tests can be the devil. I can't even put in to words the emotional ups and downs we all went through those weeks. One thing I can say, I am forever grateful to Ivy for putting herself in a position of heartbreak for Brandon and me. It's amazing to me that anyone would willingly sign up for such pain for someone else. I mean, you sign up knowing bad things may happen, but really you sign up to get pregnant and deliver a baby, trying all on its own, you don't really expect to have your heart ripped out and trampled on or a crazy up and down ride through fire.<br />
<br />
All that to say, it didn't work. I thought I had been through it all. I thought I knew what it was like to receive that news, but I didn't and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried more than I have cried in memory. In that time of gut wrenching heartache, I realized that I didn't feel like I could really vent those feelings because we had chosen to keep the experience private, for the most part. I'm one of those crazy people who want my experiences to have meaning. I want to feel like the things I go through have a purpose. Being quiet about this made it feel like that couldn't happen, like not sharing it was acting like it didn't happen at all. It did happen and I need to honor that.<br />
<br />
So, here I am, coming out, so to speak. We long for more children, something a lot of people don't understand. We can't make that happen by ourselves and there is NO shame in that. We don't have to accept the hand that infertility dealt us. We're grieving what could have been in the form of two embryos that, for whatever reason, were not meant to become little humans we'd hold in our arms. And, ready or not, I'm taking you all along for the rest of this ride. We plan to try again in October. This time, we expect Ivy's in for a long, pregnant nine months carrying our precious cargo and we'll all be grateful for every minute! heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-68239518136353404222012-08-01T16:33:00.000-05:002012-09-05T16:35:32.296-05:00Here we go again...I'm baaaaaaaaaaccck... Let's see, what has happened since I last blogged? Well, our kids are growing like weeds. They are now 12, 11, and nearly 3! Unbelievable. We sold that dream home we built and bought into a new dream we didn't even know we had, giving up Brandon's 1.5 hour commute for an 8 minute one. We bought a big, old gem and although it has had all the issues you'd expect for a forty year old home plus some, I love it. The time we gained as a family was more than worth it. What else? Oh yeah! I'm 100% healthy! For the first time in probably 10 years, all my labs are normal! My body has learned how to function without a tumor in its chest and it is wonderful! Praise God!<br />
<br />
Now, on to bigger and better things! heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-17382053921221576092011-10-09T20:15:00.001-05:002011-10-09T20:18:47.016-05:00The Emotional PartWe can all agree that a benign pathology report is a good thing...no, it's a <b>great</b> thing. And, defying the odds, when the odds are bad, is pretty remarkable too, but something happens to you when you come that close to death. I'm not sure it's something anyone can understand until they've experienced it. I know I didn't and it seems to be something that people don't talk about even when they do. When I started writing this story, I promised myself I would be 100% real...no matter the light it may paint me in to some people. The fact is I've wasted months suppressing my feelings... real, God given feelings, because of fear of being judged by that small group. I can't do it anymore. People, especially Christians, who experience these feelings need to be real.<br />
<br />
In April 2004, I experienced aspiration pneumonia for the first time post-hysterectomy. At that time, I was given a 20% chance at survival. I had an almost 4 year old and almost 3 year old at home. I was so sick, and on top of that, reeling from having a hysterectomy at 24. I laid in my hospital bed, unable to speak, and prayed over and over for God to just take me. I couldn't do it. I was not strong enough and both the physical and emotional were just too much. Somehow, only God knows, I pulled through. I was left with deep emotional wounds. It took about a year for me to want to live again. I cried all the time. No one around me understood, and to be fair, I didn't really try to explain. I really didn't understand myself. At the time I told Brandon that I never wanted to survive something like that again. That if it ever came to it, let me go.<br />
<br />
Every subsequent surgery, I was absolutely terrified of aspiration pneumonia. I always meet with the anesthesia team before and let them know that I have experienced this complication. Every time, they laugh and tell me there is no way it would happen again. After all, the odds of it happening the first time were so slim and we all know lightning doesn't strike the same place twice. But, to make me feel better, they'll take extra precautions, like antacids and anti-nausea medications to prevent me from throwing up post-op, having me not eat the day before surgery, and not removing the breathing tube until I am waking up. These things worked well for 5 surgeries since 2004. After all, they were only for peace of mind.<br />
<br />
So, when the emergency doctors let me know that they were looking for either aspiration pneumonia or a pulmonary embolism that Friday morning, my thoughts were "Yeah right! It's not possible for me to have aspiration pneumonia and no way I have a pulmonary embolism!" Well, we all know now how that turned out. When the news was in, I was in shock. This just could not be happening to me. Not only was my chest open, but now this? It's redundant, but seriously, it just couldn't be happening.<br />
<br />
This time the physical was worse, but physical pain is physical pain and I didn't wish to die like I did then. The emotional side of the ordeal has been completely different though. Now, I haven't gotten to the whole story yet and haven't even touched on what I'm dealing with today, but I said I'd be real, so here it is...I'm angry. I'm pretty sad too, but mostly, I'm just angry. It's not <i>fair </i>that I've had to deal with all of this. If God loves me, why does He allow me to shoulder it all? I have dealt with far more than my share and it's time I had a break! These are all thoughts I've had. Of course, the logical side of me knows those thoughts are junk. Who determines what fair is? If God's Son suffered so, why should I be immune? But logic doesn't have much to do with emotions in this case. I've had a hard time opening my devotional or my Bible. I can barely listen to Christian music (something I solely did before). I call out to God but it's difficult to pray. I can't drive by the hospital where this all went down. I've been to church one time (we never missed church) and I can't do it again. I'm only 4 months out and I know that these things are all part of the process and I will get there, but it's so hard. I don't want to feel this way. I know what the correct reaction is and I know this is not it. It's hard for me to hear people say that I'm strong or they admire me. I know me and I know that deep down, I'm ticked. It really is not admirable.<br />
<br />
So, if you are one of the people cheering me on...THANK YOU! Know that I appreciate it and I need it, but also know that I do not have it all together. And, something you'll probably hear me say a lot, I am most definitely a work in progress. heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-8296555054894219022011-10-06T14:54:00.005-05:002011-10-06T21:49:38.682-05:00Part 2After writing part 1 and rereading the events up until that point, something unexpected happened for me. I so clearly began to see God's hand in each tiny, seemingly insignificant step. From the nurses being unable to start an IV causing me to need a central line to <a href="http://adiosocd.blogspot.com/">Kelly</a> staying the night with me that Thursday to give Brandon and my mom a break...all of it was Him preparing and protecting me. Talk about therapeutic!<br />
<br />
Friday morning, May 20, the news came in that I was suffering from aspiration pneumonia and a pulmonary embolism. I was taken directly from CT back to the ICU. My mom and Brandon, who Kelly had called and told to get up to the hospital, were there waiting for me. The doctor on staff came in to let us know the diagnosis. At this point, they were unsure if there were any other clots waiting to make their move. This rendered me to complete bed rest, unable to move at all, until we knew. It also left open the possibility of being taken back to the operating room to have a vena cava filter put in to catch clots. That meant no food or drink while we waited. To say I was miserable, would be a huge understatement.<br />
<br />
On top of those conditions, my breathing had gone way south. I was struggling. There is no worse feeling that being unable to breathe, literally drowning slowly. Apparently, I also looked pretty bad. All the color had drained from my face and was replaced with an eerie gray tint. It was decided that the oxygen mask I was wearing was not going to be sufficient. So, I went on something called bi-pap. Bi-pap is a machine that does the breathing for you. It fits really tight onto your face, covering your mouth and nose. Air is forcefully pushed into your lungs and then drawn out, effectively inhaling and exhaling for you. As they were hooking me up, the nurse told me to try to relax and not fight it. She said most patients hate it and struggle against the machine the whole time. Once I was connected, it became clear that what I knew of the difficulty I was having and what they knew were miles apart. From the moment that machine was turned on, I was in heaven! Instantly, the relief was overwhelming and all those patients that don't like it, well, they must not have felt the way I did before. My dear friend, Lise, came to visit shortly after Brandon sent out the text saying I had made a turn for the worse. She stood next to my bedside and gently stroked my head while humming hymns. I couldn't speak on the machine and was just too weak to communicate anyway, but this moment still comforts me when I'm upset. It was amazing.<br />
<br />
Eventually, a doppler study was done of my legs and revealed no other clots. I was allowed to move (to the bathroom and back) and eat and drink again. Antibiotics, via my central line, and injections of Heparin in my stomach were started to battle the pneumonia and make the embolism "sticky". I remained on bi-pap for about a day and then weaned back to an oxygen mask. At first, I wore oxygen even to the bathroom. It was impossible to breathe without it and I was not willing to try. There were breathing treatments every couple of hours, around the clock antibiotics, chest x-rays (done in my bed) twice a day, Heparin shots, blood draws (thankfully taken from my central line), and several doctors in and out of my little corner of ICU. Not much changed for the first four days or so, other than the addition of Coumadin to my meds and a very slow weaning of my oxygen intake. During this time, I was unable to see my children at all. They were not allowed in the ICU and that was so difficult on all of us. I also began having horrific panic attacks any time I was left alone. No one was allowed to stay the night with me and it seemed like as soon as visiting hours were over, my mind would rush to a place of fear...the horror of not being able to breathe and being alone. I literally passed out from panicking one night when I had gone to the restroom. I decided from that point on, whenever I felt scared of not being able to breathe, I would say, over and over, "Jesus is the breath of life." This worked :)<br />
<br />
By the following Thursday night, one week after heading to ICU for the second time, I was ready to move back to a regular room. This was a huge milestone, not only for my prognosis, but I got to see my kids the next day! Sweet Abram was so scared of me in that condition and all Blaine could do was hug me and tell me how much he missed me. It broke my heart.<br />
<br />
INR is the measurement used to indicate the rate of time it takes your blood to clot. They wanted mine to be between 2.0 and 3.0 in order for me to be considered stable and able to go home. Finally, on Sunday, May 29, I was within range and discharged. I left that day on Coumadin for what was to initially be six months. I left that day with a 7 inch incision straight down my chest. I left that day with a stomach covered in bruises from Heparin injections. I left that day with a hole beneath my right collarbone from where my central line had been. I left that day with stitches in my lower abdomen from a pulled chest drain. I left that day emotionally and physically drained from such a long, horrific ordeal. I left that day and returned to my husband, my children, and my home knowing God had once again saved me from what the world thought would do me in. I left that day with no tumor in my chest and a benign pathology report.heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-50570024428074693452011-10-04T22:06:00.002-05:002011-10-06T21:46:48.753-05:00From May 17 to Present...Part 1I had every intention of coming back here and updating as my recovery progressed. It obviously didn't happen. Things didn't go at all as planned and I have honestly been too emotional to relive it all. It was just too hard to think of going back there. I am finally feeling like it's time: time to look back and find a way to rejoice in how far God has brought me. I know He can use it to help others and while my memory is still clear, I want it in black and white for me to look back on and for my children. So, from the beginning, the morning of May 17, 2011...<br />
<br />
We arrived at the hospital on time and were immediately taken back for preparations. They let me know that I was not going to get the privilege of a traditional IV. Nope, the surgeon had requested a "crowbar", as the nurses called it, just in case there were complications. A nurse from the ER was asked to come in and start it because none of the pre-op nurses had ever started one so large. The ER nurse had only done it once, on a severe abdominal trauma. Now, I have been through more than my fair share of IV starts, but this was unreal. I began to sweat and feel faint. Apparently, all the color drained from my face. They flipped me upside down and hooked me up to some cold air. Nope, not going to get this IV started. They decided to put a normal one in and start a central line on me once I was asleep. A central line is a catheter that goes directly into a major blood vessel. It can serve as an IV for the receiving of medicines, blood, and fluids, or it can be used to draw blood from. Mine was inserted just below my collarbone on my right side. I'd only seen these on TV and was not thrilled with the thought, but given the events to come, it turned out to be a Godsend. I was taken into an area where an anesthesiologist implanted an arterial line after the initial IV was in. This was a line put into an artery in my wrist to measure my blood pressure internally. I was then given a moment to say goodbye to Brandon and my mom and then on to the operating room.<br />
<br />
There were tons of medical professionals in the room. Thymectomy is a pretty rare surgery and they were all pretty excited to get to see one. Mercifully, I was put to sleep pretty quickly. Surgery lasted only a couple of hours. The doctor updated Brandon, Brandon's dad, and my mom in the family waiting area. He had guesstimated from the CT scan and PET scan that the tumor was about the size of two fingertips. He said he was really questioning doing the surgery out of concern that he'd even be able to find the tumor without much digging. Well, as soon as my sternum was open, it popped up. In a matter of 3 weeks, the tumor had grown to the size of my fist and putting pressure on major blood vessels. He said he was immediately sure he had made the right call.<br />
<br />
I woke up in the ICU in an unbelievable amount of pain. I was so unprepared for just how badly this would hurt. I had a hard time speaking, but kept trying to tell them it hurt over and over. The first couple of days are a complete blur. I remember being in pain off and on and really not liking my ICU nurse. That's about it. Surgery was Tuesday morning and by Thursday morning they were moving me to a regular room...ahead of schedule. Not long after being in a room, I began to run a low grade temp. They were concerned, but not overly. They wanted me up and walking and I did, although it was so painful. Thursday afternoon the surgeon came in to remove my chest drain. To say this is the worst thing I have ever experienced is not an exaggeration. Nothing can prepare one for what that feels like. Even now, I get nauseous just thinking about it, but it was one less machine I was hooked to. He said I would likely be released the next afternoon...way ahead of schedule! I walked, I coughed, and did everything they told me to do, in spite of the pain.<br />
<br />
That night my friend, Kelly, stayed with me. We had a pretty nice night. I slept better than I had in weeks. About 6am, my mom called to let us know she was on her way to the hospital and to get our breakfast order. I spoke to her and then got up to use the restroom. Once in the bathroom, I began to feel short of breath. I was not thinking clearly or I would have called the nurse from there. Instead, I used every bit of strength I could muster to get back to the bed and pick up the phone. I dialed the nurse and said "need help" before collapsing on the bed. Kelly sat up to see me and ran to my side. My nurse and her supervisor were in the room within seconds. They immediately saw me and called a code. The supervisor came over to me and said, "It is about to get really scary. There are going to be lots of people in here doing lots of things to you. I need you to stay calm. We are going to help you." In no time, my room was filled with nurses, doctors, radiology techs, lab techs, and respiratory therapists. I looked at Kelly and thought I asked her to get to my mom before she saw the hoopla and to call Brandon. I know now I only gave Kelly a look and she knew what to do.<br />
<br />
In the meantime, one nurse stood and held my hand while they attempted to check my oxygen level. My hands and feet were blue indicating they weren't getting enough to even check via normal means. They did a chest x-ray right there in the bed, hooked me to oxygen, and took an arterial gas (blood draw from the artery to check blood oxygen. Ouch!). I could hear my mom in the hall asking what was happening and the panic in her voice broke my heart. Something was definitely wrong with my lungs but it was unclear whether I was suffering from an embolism or pneumonia. They decided to take me to CT. As I was being wheeled out of the room, I saw my mom and Kelly. I'll never forget the looks on their faces.<br />
<br />
Heading to radiology was like something from a movie. I was being transported in the bed by 3 nurses. They were running and yelling at people to clear the way. Scary. By the time we got there, I was nearly unconscious from struggling to breathe, even with oxygen. They put me into the CT scanner and then came the results...I did indeed have a pulmonary embolism in my right middle lobe, but I also had aspiration pneumonia (pneumonia from inhaling my stomach contents at some point after surgery). Either one of these is life threatening. The two together, nearly unheard of and incredibly serious. Just when I thought we were in the clear, the fight for my life really began...heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-22393345296844092892011-05-12T10:51:00.000-05:002011-05-13T15:29:12.175-05:00StrengthThe thing I've probably heard the most this week is "You are so strong!" I in no way, shape, or form feel the least bit strong. In fact, I feel like I'm a weak, sniffling mess. I was telling my friend, Lori, this and said "If I seem strong, it's only because I have no other choice." She replied with, "Maybe God made you strong because He knew you'd have to be." I had never thought of it like that. Somehow it gives me comfort. <br />
<br />
My pre-op on Tuesday was so incredibly emotionally draining. I sat there thinking over and over again, "This is not real. This cannot be happening." Everyone I came into contact with was so caring and nice. They reassured me over and over again that I'm going to be okay. They require me to wear a big red bracelet from now until surgery that pairs me with the blood they have ordered for me. I hate it. It is an ever constant reminder that this is indeed happening. Brandon called it demoralizing. That pretty much sums it up. <br />
<br />
In other news, my PET scan was moved to tomorrow morning. We had some issues with the first facility and decided to move it to the hospital where I will have surgery. This means I will likely not get my results until Dr. Bremer comes in to speak with us before surgery. I have mixed feelings about this. I am okay with waiting a few days more and not thinking about it over my last weekend for a while. However, I hate that we will potentially be getting some devastating news just before I go under. Me, having no time to take it all in, and Brandon, not getting to talk with me about it and hold me while we both cry-good or bad. So, I'm praying they get it done and we get the news Monday. <br />
<br />
Thank you to everyone who is praying. I cannot tell you what it means to us.heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-52687654163302984712011-05-07T17:05:00.000-05:002011-05-07T17:05:15.384-05:00The Metamorphsis of a Blog...It's been awhile. Life takes so many twists and turns. I've always liked the seasons analogy. We float along between winter, spring, summer, and fall. Each season of our life lasting a brief moment in time until the next comes along. We have entered a new season. <br />
<br />
Since the birth of Abram, we've been soaking up the sun of summer. He is pure joy to be around. Life is good with him in it. Since my last post, we built and moved into our dream home, we began homeschooling our two older children, and we have made Houston our home. <br />
<br />
I started this blog years ago, way before blogging was cool. I was suffering from insomnia and blogging gave me a way to get my thoughts out of my head and clear my mind just enough to sleep. I liked to write about the cute things my toddlers did and said and keep my family updated on all of the goings on in our lives. Then, came surrogacy. I loved using it to chronicle our journey to our third child. I began sleeping (or being up with a baby) and life just became, well, life. I'm back because I need a place to journal everything going on inside of me. A place to put my thoughts and visit them as necessary (and hopefully get some sleep in the process). Our fall...<br />
<br />
I started feeling bad at the beginning of the year. I seemed to jump from sickness to sickness and just couldn't get well. By the end of February, I decided the incredible fatigue I was feeling, the heart palpitations, and strange pains needed to be dealt with. I'll spare you the incredible frustration of the last two months and bring you to today. I have a tumor in my chest. That has not gotten easier to type or say. Doctors believed it is what is called a thymoma. We don't yet know if this mass is benign or malignant. It has the potential to be either, with about the same odds of each. Either way, I will have a full body PET scan this coming Thursday to look for evidence of cancer cells and a serious operation the following Tuesday, May 17. The thymoma sits directly behind my breastbone and just above my heart. Even if benign, it has to be removed. No other options. This will involve open heart surgery. Needless to say, I'm nervous, scared, anxious, hopeful, and, ashamed to say, angry. We have been through so much and life was just getting good. This is not supposed to be happening, yet I wake up each day and it is. It is absolutely unbelievable. <br />
<br />
So, I'm writing again. I'm going to use this ol' blog to get my feelings out: anxiety, nervousness, fear, hope, anger, and all. Once again, my blog has transformed. Let's hope the next time it's spring.heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5103623403672120497.post-72679722242437676292010-01-05T11:57:00.001-06:002010-01-05T11:57:59.240-06:00Our Miracle Baby<div><embed src="http://www.onetruemedia.com/share_view_player?p=9d12546c959cb735082148" quality="high" scale="noscale" width="408" height="382" wmode="transparent" name="FLVPlayer" salign="LT" flashvars="&p=9d12546c959cb735082148&skin_id=701&host=http://www.onetruemedia.com" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed><div style="margin:0px;font:12px/13px verdana,arial,sans-serif;line-height:20px;padding-bottom:15px;width:408px;text-align:center;"><a href="http://www.onetruemedia.com/landing?&utm_source=emplay&utm_medium=txt4" target="_blank" style="text-decoration:none;">Make an on-line slideshow at <span style="text-decoration:underline;">www.OneTrueMedia.com</span></a></div></div>heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11656173697526647146noreply@blogger.com4