I have a bad habit.
Okay, I have more than one, but one in particular that is getting to me. I read about surrogacy- a lot. I get on google and read up on what different religious views are on surrogacy. I read about what people who are born to surrogates say. I read a lot about the maternal fetal bond and what that means. I read what critics of surrogacy say. Anytime there is an article by some nutcase that has no clue what surrogacy really is, I read it. I have a problem. This is really starting to take a toll on me. It's bad enough that there are ignorant people, whom I know in real life that I have to deal with, I don't need to get myself all worked up over people on the
internet. I want so badly to be an advocate for surrogacy, but then I read and realize how far we have to come and I'm just not in the emotional state to defend myself. It is impossible to describe how I feel right now. The best word would be overjoyed, but that doesn't even do it completely. I read all the negative and I don't understand how people can't see the good in this process. I'm not an idiot either- I know some surrogacy agreements are less than ideal, but why are those the ones that the general public wants to focus on?!
And then there's real life...Dawn and I have a loving, mutually respectful relationship, no, friendship. I can't birth my own child. She can. She has given something that most people would never and instead of saying things like "Wow! You are a great person for doing that!" People say things like, "I could never give up a baby!" Seriously!? It's a good thing I didn't put my baby in you then! And on my side, I get the "You sure are doing it the right way! I hate being pregnant!" Are you kidding me!? Do people really think I'm that shallow!? Like I wouldn't give all that I have to be the one carrying my own child! Don't say things until you've thought them through! Pregnancy may not be a walk in the park for some people (I was not a happy, glowy pregnant woman.), but good grief! Who wouldn't want to carry their own child! And then I get the "What an easy way to have a baby!" Ughhhhh!!! Educate yourself! This process is far from easy! I could sit here all day and talk about all that we've gone through to get to this point, but I won't. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that it is not easy finding someone we trust to carry our child, impregnating another woman with our biological child, etc. And don't get me started on the financial aspects and the things people have the nerve to say about that. We are not so wealthy we had nothing better to do with our money! We saved for two years and have done without some things because having another child was a priority for us. That's what you do when something means everything to you. And, NO, I am NOT worried that "she will keep the baby!" I did take the time to talk to her about that and know her just a bit better than you who have never even met her. But in case you're still worried about my character judgement and her intentions, yes, we did go to court and yes, the baby is legally and biologically ours- that was part of that "easy" process you referred to earlier in our conversation.
I apologize for my venting. I just had to get it out and if you read here, you're probably not one of the people who have offended me. I'm working on letting it all go and chalking it up to the fact that people will say anything when they don't know what to say. I'm also trying to stay away from surrogacy on the internet and let God handle the rest. I'm a work in progress...
She spent the afternoon with her baby in her "wrap". It was really sweet and made me realize how incredibly happy I am that she is going to have the opportunity to see me be a mom to a baby. Blaine and her are only 14 months apart,so she has no memory of what it's like to have a baby in the house. I think these are really important lessons for her to learn as a child and I'm so glad I'm going to be the one to teach her. I'm sure when I start pumping in a few weeks and then when Abram arrives and I'm breastfeeding, things will get interesting :)
