Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Speechless, Astonished, and Amazed...

I have been blogging for 4 years. I don't have a huge following, but I do have a devoted group of friends and family (hi, Mom!) that like to read what I have to say. I love blogging. For me, it's been an outlet. I blog like some would keep a journal or diary. It's a place for me to chronicle our lives, vent, and share. I like to write and I am not usually one to be at a loss for words.

But, I've never been here before. This surrogacy journey has done things to me, already, that I cannot explain. I am without words. We went in today for our second ultrasound. Standing there looking at that black and white screen, I was overcome. There, in front of my eyes, was the child I have longed for, ached for in the deepest part of my soul for nearly 4 years. Amongst, the grainy, grey sea, a black void and within it, a perfectly tiny body. Within that perfectly tiny body, an itsy bitsy flicker that changed me forever...one perfectly formed, beating heart. I really can't describe what that moment was like, much less put it in comprehensible form for all to read. The thought that when we are but the size of a grain of rice, our heart begins to beat is mind blowing. That before we are fully formed, before any of our other organs function, our heart beats is incredible. I think there is a huge significance to the order in which we develop. The Bible tells us that God knows us even before we are formed in the womb and to think that while we went about our daily lives in the last week, doing our ordinary things, God started a tiny heart beating, well, I'm speechless. All I know to do is cry out to the God that loves me so much and thank Him for healing me from years of longing and breathing life into that tiny miracle.

5 comments:

Ashley said...

Amen! Praise our amazing God.

Sarah said...

I remember that feeling really well when I first saw my daughter on u/s. I was in total awe! Gosh surrogacy rocks! Congrats!

*~*Dawn*~* said...

That's so beautiful Heather.

Allison said...

Oh my goodness, you have me near tears. I am so thrilled for you guys. I can't wait to experience the same things you are feeling. I know it will be soon.

You're such an inspiration in your blog. What a blessing....

Jennifer said...

Amen!!!