Sunday, October 26, 2008

Randomness...

Is "randomness" even a word? Hmmm... Anyway, High School Musical 3 was great! And, I'm not the only one who thinks so, just ask Brandon (he'll probably lie, but I'll tell you the truth- he liked it!). It was the number 1 movie at the box office this week, so apparently, I'm not alone!

I'm beginning to get antsy about my recovery (shocking, I know!). I know I still have three more months of recovery ahead of me, at least, but I'm beginning to think about the future- something I have been putting off because of my back. I've been thinking about the fact that my kids are both in school and I'm only 28 years old. All I have ever wanted to be was a Mom. I remember being a little girl and people asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up and answering "a Mom". I never dreamt that I would be "done" so young and we would only have two children. I go through phases of obsessing over adding to our family. I wish so badly I could have more children. I know there are other ways, but the door just hasn't opened for it. *Honesty time- I am beginning to fight feelings of resentment when I hear friends of mine who can have children say things like "We're done! No way I would be crazy enough to have any more!" I know what they mean. I said the same thing after Blaine was born (remember I had two children 14 months apart!), but now my perspective has totally changed and I don't have babies or toddlers anymore and I realize how insensitive this comment can be. So, if I ever offended anyone by saying something like that, I'm sincerely sorry. End Rant* I am looking at the fact that I stay at home, am 28 years old, and my kids are gone all day. Do I think that's enough for me? Can I really justify staying at home for the next 30+ years alone? If not, what do I want to do? The only thing I seem to come up with is, I want a baby. That makes me sad.

1 comment:

bwanashajara said...

I try hard these days as I look at the train wreck I call my life to remember that God does not close one door without 1) a reason 2) opening another. And like you said...there are other ways. Maybe that is what the Lord has planned- giving the love you and Brandon show to your children to another child who desperately needs it. Lord knows we have too many children (any the age of your two) that need loving homes.

But I also recall you are one of the smarter cookies I have ever met with a talent for languages. A busy mind is a good thing (not that you don't have enough on your plate as is!). Have you thought about going back to school in the mean time?

Have faith Momma B! As I am re-learning, God reveals the path to us at the time of his choosing!