Randomness...

Is "randomness" even a word? Hmmm... Anyway, High School Musical 3 was great! And, I'm not the only one who thinks so, just ask Brandon (he'll probably lie, but I'll tell you the truth- he liked it!). It was the number 1 movie at the box office this week, so apparently, I'm not alone!

I'm beginning to get antsy about my recovery (shocking, I know!). I know I still have three more months of recovery ahead of me, at least, but I'm beginning to think about the future- something I have been putting off because of my back. I've been thinking about the fact that my kids are both in school and I'm only 28 years old. All I have ever wanted to be was a Mom. I remember being a little girl and people asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up and answering "a Mom". I never dreamt that I would be "done" so young and we would only have two children. I go through phases of obsessing over adding to our family. I wish so badly I could have more children. I know there are other ways, but the door just hasn't opened for it. *Honesty time- I am beginning to fight feelings of resentment when I hear friends of mine who can have children say things like "We're done! No way I would be crazy enough to have any more!" I know what they mean. I said the same thing after Blaine was born (remember I had two children 14 months apart!), but now my perspective has totally changed and I don't have babies or toddlers anymore and I realize how insensitive this comment can be. So, if I ever offended anyone by saying something like that, I'm sincerely sorry. End Rant* I am looking at the fact that I stay at home, am 28 years old, and my kids are gone all day. Do I think that's enough for me? Can I really justify staying at home for the next 30+ years alone? If not, what do I want to do? The only thing I seem to come up with is, I want a baby. That makes me sad.

High School Musical 3!!!

I'm going to see it today! Woo! Hoo! I'm super excited! That's all...oh, and I'm beginning to think I may be a teenager stuck in an adult's body...hmmm.

Best. Concert. Ever.

I know a lot of people think that it's totally stupid and pathetic that grown women would completely freak out over New Kids on the Block. I don't care! That concert was the best thing ever! Rachel, Ashley, Darcas, Kristy, and I had a blast! Our seats were incredible, too! Kristy even said it was one of the 4 best days of her life (she has three kids!) :) They put on a great show, as expected. But, even in my wildest dreams, it wasn't as good as reality. What I didn't expect is how emotional I got! I felt like that 8-9 year old girl again. The one who would lay on her bed listening to "I'll Be Loving You Forever" and dream that Jordan was singing it to her. It was crazy. I nearly passed out and all I could think was "I'm going to be that woman. The one with a husband and kids at home (not to mention a full torso back brace) who passed out when New Kids on the Block came on stage!" Thankfully, I didn't (thanks Ashley for the fanning!). It really was a crazy, stupid dream come true. We ALL left completely hoarse, and barely able to hear from all the screaming. I bonded with those girls and this will always be "our" thing. When we're old, we'll reminiscence about "that" concert and smile. Thanks girls for sharing it with me! And, thanks to Brandon, Tony, Tim, Michael, and John for letting us go and listening to us talk about other men for what will probably be a while!

Here are some pictures. The first is a picture of the front of the T-shirts I made for everyone. They were SUPER cute! I even put our names on the back. Ashley won a koozie from the radio station outside the Toyota Center. She was unbelievably excited :)

Still Alive

Just a quick update to let everyone know that I am, indeed, still alive. We had a great, but busy and exhausting weekend. Amanda and Tom are now officially married and Aubrey not only did a great job, she was an absolutely beautiful flower girl in an absolutely beautiful wedding. Hopefully I'll have some pictures emailed to me soon from family (it was just too much being Aubrey's personal assistant and taking pictures!). I do have a pretty hilarious video of her getting her "groove" on at the reception that I'll try to post later (if anyone knows how to do that, shoot me a line).

I'm doing okay, recovery wise. It's a long and tedious holding pattern that I'm stuck in, but I've found myself crying less this week, so that's good. There's just so much all around me that needs to be done and I simply cannot do it. It's very frustrating.

Another thing I want to address, I was reading some of my old blogs on my former blogspot and myspace and realized that I used to be pretty funny. I don't know exactly when that changed, but I'm going to try and bring the funny back. Maybe the further post-op I get, the funnier I'll get. One can only hope. For now, I leave you with some super funny pictures of my brother, Scott, riding Aubrey's bike complete with her pink helmet. I love my brother!

There is No One Else For Me...None But Jesus

In the quiet
In the stillness
I know that You are God

In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call i won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos in confusion
I know You're sovereign still

In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forever more

That about sums it up!

(Hillsong United)

X-rays

I know I said I was going to get better about updating, well, I failed miserably. I have had a really "off" week. My pain meds will run out tomorrow and I've been trying to wean myself gradually and it has not been easy, at all. I have felt pretty darn horrible. We have a big wedding this weekend (Brandon's cousin), which is thankfully here in Houston, and Aubrey is the flowergirl. My mother and father-in-law will be in, as well as, one of my sister-in-laws, her husband, and children. I am really excited and can't wait to see everyone- just hope the pain and tightness doesn't get the best of me. Hopefully, we'll have some great pictures to post that I'll get to before, say, Christmas :)

I/Brandon finally got the x-rays scanned so here they are:

The first view is from the front and you can see the rods on either side of my spine and the screws in relation to my spine. If you look closely you can also see the floating bone graft just between the heads of the bottom two screws. The second view is from the side with my front being the right side of the x-ray, looking at a rod passing through the heads of two screws. You can see the angle at which the screws go into my spine and once again, closely, you can see the bone graft towards the front in the middle of the two screws. So there it is, the reason I am unable to move my torso for the next five months, visually.

I'll update more soon. Thanks everyone for writing. I really do have the best friends and family too (I love you too, Scott!).

The Lover of the Lame

I started a Beth Moore Bible study this week with a group of wonderful ladies from church. We are doing "Beloved Disciple: The Life and Ministry of John". I think I'm going to really like this study and the Lord knows how badly I need it. There have been few times in my life that I think I have been this sad, I can only think of three others (and those were completely justified by anyone standards!). I just can't seem to pull out. The difference between this time and those others is that I can actually stop and think about all I have to be thankful for and it seems so ridiculous that I could be this upset. I have a wonderful, loving husband who would do anything for me. I have two of the most awesome children in the world. We live in a great home and have been financially blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Both Brandon and I have wonderful, loving families who care for us and would be here in an instant if we needed them. Our church family is the absolute greatest. I really could never brag on them enough. They love us as though we were blood. They have blessed us in ways I never knew possible and I love them more than I could say. I have friends near and far who love me and wish me well with phone calls and emails constantly. My pre-op pain is completely gone and I am "healed" in that respect. So why am I so sad? I am a stay at home wife and mother. Taking care of my husband and children and keeping our house a home is what I do. It is my only job and right now, I cannot do it. I sit here all day and look around at how I am failing in this area. I know it's through no fault of my own, but it's there none the less. This week in the introduction to our new Bible study, Beth Moore spoke about a dear friend of hers that passed away suddenly and how this friend's husband asked Beth to look through her Bible study notes and comprise a eulogy for her out of her own words (what a neat thought!). One thing Beth found in those notes that really spoke to me was a passage her friend wrote saying, "God truly is the ultimate shame destroyer and the lover of the lame." Both of these really struck a chord with me. If you don't know my testimony, I'd be glad to share it with you and maybe one day I'll post it on here, but the thought of God being the "ultimate shame destroyer" is one that will always resonate with me. It's the reason I'm even here today. And for this season, "the lover of the lame" is something I'm going to cling to.



Last night at prayer meeting I was reminded of Psalm 100. Here is what it says:



Psalm 100


A psalm. For giving thanks.

1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
2 Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.



This is such a beautiful reminder. The Lord is good and His love never fails no matter what we have been or are going through. One of my favorite lines from any song ever (and I am a HUGE music person) is from Chris Tomlin's "Indescribable" where he says "You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same. You are amazing God." There is NO one else in all the universe that we could say that about besides God. No matter how your mother or your spouse love you (I use those two because they seem to be the closest you could get), they will never love you the way God loves you. Only we and God know the depths of our hearts and can understand how huge a thing it is to say that a perfect God could know that and love us as though we were blemish free because in His eyes, we are through the saving, redeeming, and perfect sacrifice of His son, Jesus Christ.



So for me, for now, I'm going to choose to think on the things of God and fight with all I have to stay away and out of the pit of despair that I am so desperately dangling on the edge of. And if you are reading this and you don't know the love that I'm speaking of and want more or you just need someone to talk to, someone who is right there with you, write me- hgbello@embarqmail.com

Physically, okay...

mentally, not so much. My husband and a few wonderful friends from church have a maid service coming starting tomorrow. I sobbed hysterically for awhile when I found out. Not because it was such a nice thing to do or I'm so happy, but because it is a solid realization that I cannot do it myself. I want to clean my own house. Mentally, I'm messed up.