Monday, December 10, 2012

Life on the Rollercoaster

Maybe that's what I need to change my blog name to. I keep hoping eventually the rollercoaster will stop and let me off though. One of these days...

Well, our first ultrasound was November 1. We have about a 4 hour drive to Irving and Ivy has a little over a 3 hour drive. On our way there, she and I were talking. We both said we'd be absolutely shocked if we saw two little ones, considering her beta numbers. When we got to the clinic, they took us straight back. Dr. E and our nurse, T, were equally excited as us, I think. Ivy laid on the table and T began. It seemed like an eternity before we saw anything but I'm sure it was only a few seconds. Then, into view was one perfect gestational sac and a yolk sac within it, exactly what you want to see at 5 weeks 4 days! Ivy looked at me and said "One baby, Heather!" Dr. E immediately said "I think you're speaking too soon. We still have half your uterus to check out!" Just then, T shifted the ultrasound wand slightly and into view...a second sac!!! Dr. E said "See! I told you!" Ivy's reaction was hilarious. I'm sure mine was just as funny. I jumped out of my chair and got as close to the screen as I could. I could not believe my eyes. With a better look, Dr. E explained that the second sac was not as well defined and was slightly smaller. He said there was no way to know whether it was a twin in the process of catching up, a twin in the process of vanishing, or a dreaded SCH (sub chorionic hematoma= a blood pocket very common in IVF pregnancies). Looking at the embryos, one was smaller than the other. Looking at the betas, from one to two did not double. From two to three it more than doubled. A twin in the process of catching up makes the most sense. After the initial shock, we all believed we had two babies. We scheduled a follow up ultrasound to check heartbeats for Dec. 14, 7 weeks 4 days.

Ivy has had the normal 1st trimester exhaustion and a little more than normal nausea and vomiting. Dr. E called her out something to help her keep her food where it belongs and things were getting better. Then came Friday. I'll save everyone the details but it involved a LOT of blood with absolutely no warning. She pulled herself together and called the nurse. After a million questions, the nurse said it sounded like a textbook SCH. Even knowing these things are common does not help. Ivy's had some bleeding off and on since but nothing like that initial bleed. Thank God! In light of that, our second ultrasound has been moved up to tomorrow, the 11th. We are expecting that the second sac we saw on the 30th was actually the bleed and are all praying for a healthy baby and heartbeat tomorrow.

I have a peace I really can't explain...the peace that surpasses understanding. In August when we found out we were not pregnant, Brandon wrote an email to his family telling them the news. In it he said, "We don't understand why we felt so strongly that we were to go down this road only to have it fail." My heart was in a million pieces and those words summed it up. Four months later, I feel like God has revealed one of the answers to me. Ivy and I have known each other for four years online: surrogacy support boards, facebook, email. We matched for this journey at the end of May. I've felt I've known her for the last four years but the way our relationship has grown in the last four months is remarkable. She is one of my closest friends and we talk and text about all kinds of things. Of course, I wish we would have gotten pregnant in August, but in light of everything, I'm so thankful for the extra time to get to know Ivy better. It really is a sweet, sweet relationship that I cherish. Coming to terms with losing the ability to carry your own child is not easy and entrusting someone else to do it is not something everyone can do. The friendship that goes so far beyond this life that I have with Dawn and now, Ivy, is such gift though. I am thankful.

No comments: