It's been awhile. Life takes so many twists and turns. I've always liked the seasons analogy. We float along between winter, spring, summer, and fall. Each season of our life lasting a brief moment in time until the next comes along. We have entered a new season.
Since the birth of Abram, we've been soaking up the sun of summer. He is pure joy to be around. Life is good with him in it. Since my last post, we built and moved into our dream home, we began homeschooling our two older children, and we have made Houston our home.
I started this blog years ago, way before blogging was cool. I was suffering from insomnia and blogging gave me a way to get my thoughts out of my head and clear my mind just enough to sleep. I liked to write about the cute things my toddlers did and said and keep my family updated on all of the goings on in our lives. Then, came surrogacy. I loved using it to chronicle our journey to our third child. I began sleeping (or being up with a baby) and life just became, well, life. I'm back because I need a place to journal everything going on inside of me. A place to put my thoughts and visit them as necessary (and hopefully get some sleep in the process). Our fall...
I started feeling bad at the beginning of the year. I seemed to jump from sickness to sickness and just couldn't get well. By the end of February, I decided the incredible fatigue I was feeling, the heart palpitations, and strange pains needed to be dealt with. I'll spare you the incredible frustration of the last two months and bring you to today. I have a tumor in my chest. That has not gotten easier to type or say. Doctors believed it is what is called a thymoma. We don't yet know if this mass is benign or malignant. It has the potential to be either, with about the same odds of each. Either way, I will have a full body PET scan this coming Thursday to look for evidence of cancer cells and a serious operation the following Tuesday, May 17. The thymoma sits directly behind my breastbone and just above my heart. Even if benign, it has to be removed. No other options. This will involve open heart surgery. Needless to say, I'm nervous, scared, anxious, hopeful, and, ashamed to say, angry. We have been through so much and life was just getting good. This is not supposed to be happening, yet I wake up each day and it is. It is absolutely unbelievable.
So, I'm writing again. I'm going to use this ol' blog to get my feelings out: anxiety, nervousness, fear, hope, anger, and all. Once again, my blog has transformed. Let's hope the next time it's spring.
2 comments:
To me it seems like we've gone up the slow part of the roller coaster, and are blazing down its twists and turns lately... with a big drop ahead. Just know that here I am, sitting next to you, white knuckled, holding onto the bar. In full belief that this ride was designed to hold us, yet in full fear that it all blows apart during the drop. And through it all, this is my greatest comfort-- that I am happy to be sharing the seat with you, my bride. Hang on. Scream if you have to. I'm screaming too.
It brings me to tears reading these words. You are an amazing person and the faith you guys share is inspiring to say the least. You are loved by so many and protected by a healing Savior. We'll be praying for you guys!
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