Tales from Suburbia

The Emotional Part

2011-10-09T20:15:00.001-05:00

We can all agree that a benign pathology report is a good thing...no, it's a great thing. And, defying the odds, when the odds are bad, is pretty remarkable too, but something happens to you when you come that close to death. I'm not sure it's something anyone can understand until they've experienced it. I know I didn't and it seems to be something that people don't talk about even when they do. When I started writing this story, I promised myself I would be 100% real...no matter the light it may paint me in to some people. The fact is I've wasted months suppressing my feelings... real, God given feelings, because of fear of being judged by that small group. I can't do it anymore. People, especially Christians, who experience these feelings need to be real.

In April 2004, I experienced aspiration pneumonia for the first time post-hysterectomy. At that time, I was given a 20% chance at survival. I had an almost 4 year old and almost 3 year old at home. I was so sick, and on top of that, reeling from having a hysterectomy at 24. I laid in my hospital bed, unable to speak, and prayed over and over for God to just take me. I couldn't do it. I was not strong enough and both the physical and emotional were just too much. Somehow, only God knows, I pulled through. I was left with deep emotional wounds. It took about a year for me to want to live again. I cried all the time. No one around me understood, and to be fair, I didn't really try to explain. I really didn't understand myself. At the time I told Brandon that I never wanted to survive something like that again. That if it ever came to it, let me go.

Every subsequent surgery, I was absolutely terrified of aspiration pneumonia. I always meet with the anesthesia team before and let them know that I have experienced this complication. Every time, they laugh and tell me there is no way it would happen again. After all, the odds of it happening the first time were so slim and we all know lightning doesn't strike the same place twice. But, to make me feel better, they'll take extra precautions, like antacids and anti-nausea medications to prevent me from throwing up post-op, having me not eat the day before surgery, and not removing the breathing tube until I am waking up. These things worked well for 5 surgeries since 2004. After all, they were only for peace of mind.

So, when the emergency doctors let me know that they were looking for either aspiration pneumonia or a pulmonary embolism that Friday morning, my thoughts were "Yeah right! It's not possible for me to have aspiration pneumonia and no way I have a pulmonary embolism!" Well, we all know now how that turned out. When the news was in, I was in shock. This just could not be happening to me. Not only was my chest open, but now this? It's redundant, but seriously, it just couldn't be happening.

This time the physical was worse, but physical pain is physical pain and I didn't wish to die like I did then. The emotional side of the ordeal has been completely different though. Now, I haven't gotten to the whole story yet and haven't even touched on what I'm dealing with today, but I said I'd be real, so here it is...I'm angry. I'm pretty sad too, but mostly, I'm just angry. It's not fair that I've had to deal with all of this. If God loves me, why does He allow me to shoulder it all? I have dealt with far more than my share and it's time I had a break! These are all thoughts I've had. Of course, the logical side of me knows those thoughts are junk. Who determines what fair is? If God's Son suffered so, why should I be immune? But logic doesn't have much to do with emotions in this case. I've had a hard time opening my devotional or my Bible. I can barely listen to Christian music (something I solely did before). I call out to God but it's difficult to pray. I can't drive by the hospital where this all went down. I've been to church one time (we never missed church) and I can't do it again. I'm only 4 months out and I know that these things are all part of the process and I will get there, but it's so hard. I don't want to feel this way. I know what the correct reaction is and I know this is not it. It's hard for me to hear people say that I'm strong or they admire me. I know me and I know that deep down, I'm ticked. It really is not admirable.

So, if you are one of the people cheering me on...THANK YOU! Know that I appreciate it and I need it, but also know that I do not have it all together. And, something you'll probably hear me say a lot, I am most definitely a work in progress.

Part 2

2011-10-06T14:54:00.005-05:00

After writing part 1 and rereading the events up until that point, something unexpected happened for me. I so clearly began to see God's hand in each tiny, seemingly insignificant step. From the nurses being unable to start an IV causing me to need a central line to Kelly staying the night with me that Thursday to give Brandon and my mom a break...all of it was Him preparing and protecting me. Talk about therapeutic!

Friday morning, May 20, the news came in that I was suffering from aspiration pneumonia and a pulmonary embolism. I was taken directly from CT back to the ICU. My mom and Brandon, who Kelly had called and told to get up to the hospital, were there waiting for me. The doctor on staff came in to let us know the diagnosis. At this point, they were unsure if there were any other clots waiting to make their move. This rendered me to complete bed rest, unable to move at all, until we knew. It also left open the possibility of being taken back to the operating room to have a vena cava filter put in to catch clots. That meant no food or drink while we waited. To say I was miserable, would be a huge understatement.

On top of those conditions, my breathing had gone way south. I was struggling. There is no worse feeling that being unable to breathe, literally drowning slowly. Apparently, I also looked pretty bad. All the color had drained from my face and was replaced with an eerie gray tint. It was decided that the oxygen mask I was wearing was not going to be sufficient. So, I went on something called bi-pap. Bi-pap is a machine that does the breathing for you. It fits really tight onto your face, covering your mouth and nose. Air is forcefully pushed into your lungs and then drawn out, effectively inhaling and exhaling for you. As they were hooking me up, the nurse told me to try to relax and not fight it. She said most patients hate it and struggle against the machine the whole time. Once I was connected, it became clear that what I knew of the difficulty I was having and what they knew were miles apart. From the moment that machine was turned on, I was in heaven! Instantly, the relief was overwhelming and all those patients that don't like it, well, they must not have felt the way I did before. My dear friend, Lise, came to visit shortly after Brandon sent out the text saying I had made a turn for the worse. She stood next to my bedside and gently stroked my head while humming hymns. I couldn't speak on the machine and was just too weak to communicate anyway, but this moment still comforts me when I'm upset. It was amazing.

Eventually, a doppler study was done of my legs and revealed no other clots. I was allowed to move (to the bathroom and back) and eat and drink again. Antibiotics, via my central line, and injections of Heparin in my stomach were started to battle the pneumonia and make the embolism "sticky". I remained on bi-pap for about a day and then weaned back to an oxygen mask. At first, I wore oxygen even to the bathroom. It was impossible to breathe without it and I was not willing to try. There were breathing treatments every couple of hours, around the clock antibiotics, chest x-rays (done in my bed) twice a day, Heparin shots, blood draws (thankfully taken from my central line), and several doctors in and out of my little corner of ICU. Not much changed for the first four days or so, other than the addition of Coumadin to my meds and a very slow weaning of my oxygen intake. During this time, I was unable to see my children at all. They were not allowed in the ICU and that was so difficult on all of us. I also began having horrific panic attacks any time I was left alone. No one was allowed to stay the night with me and it seemed like as soon as visiting hours were over, my mind would rush to a place of fear...the horror of not being able to breathe and being alone. I literally passed out from panicking one night when I had gone to the restroom. I decided from that point on, whenever I felt scared of not being able to breathe, I would say, over and over, "Jesus is the breath of life." This worked :)

By the following Thursday night, one week after heading to ICU for the second time, I was ready to move back to a regular room. This was a huge milestone, not only for my prognosis, but I got to see my kids the next day! Sweet Abram was so scared of me in that condition and all Blaine could do was hug me and tell me how much he missed me. It broke my heart.

INR is the measurement used to indicate the rate of time it takes your blood to clot. They wanted mine to be between 2.0 and 3.0 in order for me to be considered stable and able to go home. Finally, on Sunday, May 29, I was within range and discharged. I left that day on Coumadin for what was to initially be six months. I left that day with a 7 inch incision straight down my chest. I left that day with a stomach covered in bruises from Heparin injections. I left that day with a hole beneath my right collarbone from where my central line had been. I left that day with stitches in my lower abdomen from a pulled chest drain. I left that day emotionally and physically drained from such a long, horrific ordeal. I left that day and returned to my husband, my children, and my home knowing God had once again saved me from what the world thought would do me in. I left that day with no tumor in my chest and a benign pathology report.

From May 17 to Present...Part 1

2011-10-04T22:06:00.002-05:00

I had every intention of coming back here and updating as my recovery progressed. It obviously didn't happen. Things didn't go at all as planned and I have honestly been too emotional to relive it all. It was just too hard to think of going back there. I am finally feeling like it's time: time to look back and find a way to rejoice in how far God has brought me. I know He can use it to help others and while my memory is still clear, I want it in black and white for me to look back on and for my children. So, from the beginning, the morning of May 17, 2011...

We arrived at the hospital on time and were immediately taken back for preparations. They let me know that I was not going to get the privilege of a traditional IV. Nope, the surgeon had requested a "crowbar", as the nurses called it, just in case there were complications. A nurse from the ER was asked to come in and start it because none of the pre-op nurses had ever started one so large. The ER nurse had only done it once, on a severe abdominal trauma. Now, I have been through more than my fair share of IV starts, but this was unreal. I began to sweat and feel faint. Apparently, all the color drained from my face. They flipped me upside down and hooked me up to some cold air. Nope, not going to get this IV started. They decided to put a normal one in and start a central line on me once I was asleep. A central line is a catheter that goes directly into a major blood vessel. It can serve as an IV for the receiving of medicines, blood, and fluids, or it can be used to draw blood from. Mine was inserted just below my collarbone on my right side. I'd only seen these on TV and was not thrilled with the thought, but given the events to come, it turned out to be a Godsend. I was taken into an area where an anesthesiologist implanted an arterial line after the initial IV was in. This was a line put into an artery in my wrist to measure my blood pressure internally. I was then given a moment to say goodbye to Brandon and my mom and then on to the operating room.

There were tons of medical professionals in the room. Thymectomy is a pretty rare surgery and they were all pretty excited to get to see one. Mercifully, I was put to sleep pretty quickly. Surgery lasted only a couple of hours. The doctor updated Brandon, Brandon's dad, and my mom in the family waiting area. He had guesstimated from the CT scan and PET scan that the tumor was about the size of two fingertips. He said he was really questioning doing the surgery out of concern that he'd even be able to find the tumor without much digging. Well, as soon as my sternum was open, it popped up. In a matter of 3 weeks, the tumor had grown to the size of my fist and putting pressure on major blood vessels. He said he was immediately sure he had made the right call.

I woke up in the ICU in an unbelievable amount of pain. I was so unprepared for just how badly this would hurt. I had a hard time speaking, but kept trying to tell them it hurt over and over. The first couple of days are a complete blur. I remember being in pain off and on and really not liking my ICU nurse. That's about it. Surgery was Tuesday morning and by Thursday morning they were moving me to a regular room...ahead of schedule. Not long after being in a room, I began to run a low grade temp. They were concerned, but not overly. They wanted me up and walking and I did, although it was so painful. Thursday afternoon the surgeon came in to remove my chest drain. To say this is the worst thing I have ever experienced is not an exaggeration. Nothing can prepare one for what that feels like. Even now, I get nauseous just thinking about it, but it was one less machine I was hooked to. He said I would likely be released the next afternoon...way ahead of schedule! I walked, I coughed, and did everything they told me to do, in spite of the pain.

That night my friend, Kelly, stayed with me. We had a pretty nice night. I slept better than I had in weeks. About 6am, my mom called to let us know she was on her way to the hospital and to get our breakfast order. I spoke to her and then got up to use the restroom. Once in the bathroom, I began to feel short of breath. I was not thinking clearly or I would have called the nurse from there. Instead, I used every bit of strength I could muster to get back to the bed and pick up the phone. I dialed the nurse and said "need help" before collapsing on the bed. Kelly sat up to see me and ran to my side. My nurse and her supervisor were in the room within seconds. They immediately saw me and called a code. The supervisor came over to me and said, "It is about to get really scary. There are going to be lots of people in here doing lots of things to you. I need you to stay calm. We are going to help you." In no time, my room was filled with nurses, doctors, radiology techs, lab techs, and respiratory therapists. I looked at Kelly and thought I asked her to get to my mom before she saw the hoopla and to call Brandon. I know now I only gave Kelly a look and she knew what to do.

In the meantime, one nurse stood and held my hand while they attempted to check my oxygen level. My hands and feet were blue indicating they weren't getting enough to even check via normal means. They did a chest x-ray right there in the bed, hooked me to oxygen, and took an arterial gas (blood draw from the artery to check blood oxygen. Ouch!). I could hear my mom in the hall asking what was happening and the panic in her voice broke my heart. Something was definitely wrong with my lungs but it was unclear whether I was suffering from an embolism or pneumonia. They decided to take me to CT. As I was being wheeled out of the room, I saw my mom and Kelly. I'll never forget the looks on their faces.

Heading to radiology was like something from a movie. I was being transported in the bed by 3 nurses. They were running and yelling at people to clear the way. Scary. By the time we got there, I was nearly unconscious from struggling to breathe, even with oxygen. They put me into the CT scanner and then came the results...I did indeed have a pulmonary embolism in my right middle lobe, but I also had aspiration pneumonia (pneumonia from inhaling my stomach contents at some point after surgery). Either one of these is life threatening. The two together, nearly unheard of and incredibly serious. Just when I thought we were in the clear, the fight for my life really began...

Strength

2011-05-12T10:51:00.000-05:00

The thing I've probably heard the most this week is "You are so strong!" I in no way, shape, or form feel the least bit strong. In fact, I feel like I'm a weak, sniffling mess. I was telling my friend, Lori, this and said "If I seem strong, it's only because I have no other choice." She replied with, "Maybe God made you strong because He knew you'd have to be." I had never thought of it like that. Somehow it gives me comfort.

My pre-op on Tuesday was so incredibly emotionally draining. I sat there thinking over and over again, "This is not real. This cannot be happening." Everyone I came into contact with was so caring and nice. They reassured me over and over again that I'm going to be okay. They require me to wear a big red bracelet from now until surgery that pairs me with the blood they have ordered for me. I hate it. It is an ever constant reminder that this is indeed happening. Brandon called it demoralizing. That pretty much sums it up.

In other news, my PET scan was moved to tomorrow morning. We had some issues with the first facility and decided to move it to the hospital where I will have surgery. This means I will likely not get my results until Dr. Bremer comes in to speak with us before surgery. I have mixed feelings about this. I am okay with waiting a few days more and not thinking about it over my last weekend for a while. However, I hate that we will potentially be getting some devastating news just before I go under. Me, having no time to take it all in, and Brandon, not getting to talk with me about it and hold me while we both cry-good or bad. So, I'm praying they get it done and we get the news Monday.

Thank you to everyone who is praying. I cannot tell you what it means to us.

The Metamorphsis of a Blog...

2011-05-07T17:05:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile. Life takes so many twists and turns. I've always liked the seasons analogy. We float along between winter, spring, summer, and fall. Each season of our life lasting a brief moment in time until the next comes along. We have entered a new season.

Since the birth of Abram, we've been soaking up the sun of summer. He is pure joy to be around. Life is good with him in it. Since my last post, we built and moved into our dream home, we began homeschooling our two older children, and we have made Houston our home.

I started this blog years ago, way before blogging was cool. I was suffering from insomnia and blogging gave me a way to get my thoughts out of my head and clear my mind just enough to sleep. I liked to write about the cute things my toddlers did and said and keep my family updated on all of the goings on in our lives. Then, came surrogacy. I loved using it to chronicle our journey to our third child. I began sleeping (or being up with a baby) and life just became, well, life. I'm back because I need a place to journal everything going on inside of me. A place to put my thoughts and visit them as necessary (and hopefully get some sleep in the process). Our fall...

I started feeling bad at the beginning of the year. I seemed to jump from sickness to sickness and just couldn't get well. By the end of February, I decided the incredible fatigue I was feeling, the heart palpitations, and strange pains needed to be dealt with. I'll spare you the incredible frustration of the last two months and bring you to today. I have a tumor in my chest. That has not gotten easier to type or say. Doctors believed it is what is called a thymoma. We don't yet know if this mass is benign or malignant. It has the potential to be either, with about the same odds of each. Either way, I will have a full body PET scan this coming Thursday to look for evidence of cancer cells and a serious operation the following Tuesday, May 17. The thymoma sits directly behind my breastbone and just above my heart. Even if benign, it has to be removed. No other options. This will involve open heart surgery. Needless to say, I'm nervous, scared, anxious, hopeful, and, ashamed to say, angry. We have been through so much and life was just getting good. This is not supposed to be happening, yet I wake up each day and it is. It is absolutely unbelievable.

So, I'm writing again. I'm going to use this ol' blog to get my feelings out: anxiety, nervousness, fear, hope, anger, and all. Once again, my blog has transformed. Let's hope the next time it's spring.

Our Miracle Baby

2010-01-05T11:57:00.001-06:00

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Completely, Wonderfully Preoccupied

2009-12-28T16:01:00.012-06:00

The last four weeks have been a whirlwind. We welcomed our new addition and everything that goes along with having a newborn, celebrated Christmas, saw family in three different cities- some of whom I had not seen in 15 years!-, and have tried to adjust to being a family of five, all while getting two hours of sleep at a time! Whew! I'm tired. It's a good tired though. I am

so thankful for all God has blessed us with here, at the end of the year.

Abram is thriving. He is now a healthy, awake at night, asleep during the day, four week old. I love him so much my heart feels like it may burst. It's been hard to sit down and put it all in words for two reasons: 1. When I have a spare moment, I do things like shower or eat. 2. How do you put into words what I'm feeling!? I have no clue where to even begin. I'm hoping my heart and mind will get there eventually because I don't want to forget all this...I want it in a tangible form to relive.

Aubrey and Blaine have adjusted well. Aubrey is ever the little mother, watching out for her baby brother and doing things like fetching pacifiers and handing over diapers. Blaine minds his own business. He goes about life as though nothing has changed and the majority of the time it seems as though Abram is invisible to him. I did catch him telling Abram "It's okay little guy." this morning while Abram cried impatiently waiting to eat. Life is good.

Well, there's a quick update. Hopefully I won't be away so long this time. I hope you all had a wonderfully blessed Christmas like us! Next time, I hope to have time to post pictures too :)

The moment we'd all been waiting for...

2009-12-05T16:07:00.005-06:00

Dawn started having contractions last Sunday morning at 2am. She let me know around 2:45, but she wasn't sure it was the real thing. This was her 7th delivery and she has always been induced- NEVER had natural labor. We texted back and forth for awhile and then at 4:30, she went to the restroom and saw she was bleeding lightly. She decided it was probably time to get to the hospital- not that anything was wrong, but that that meant it was real. She was still pretty comfortable and really wanted to labor as long as possible at home, but decided she should be checked just to be safe. We got to the hospital about 6am, they checked her and said she was 7-8cm! We were shocked. They went ahead and ordered her epidural. It took about 15 min, they came in gave it to her and broke her water. Almost immediately, Abram had a big decel in heart rate. They had her turn on her side and put the O2 on her. It worked for about 15 sec and then his heart rate skyrocketed. They put on an internal monitor and found it was even higher 220+ and not coming down. The doctor said he was going to watch it for 2 min and if it didn't come down, they would head for the OR. He checked her again, about 15 secs after he said that, and she was bleeding dark red blood. He said "That's it! Let's move!" He told us he thought there was a possible placental abruption. They took her back and so began the scariest 35 min of my life! It's impossible to describe what it's like to sit in an empty labor room, staring at a clock tick, while fearing for the lives of your unborn child and your best friend. Makes me cry just thinking about that morning. We went from arriving at the hospital at 6am to delivery by emergency c-section at 7:17am. He came out screaming and good. Doctor really thinks the placenta had begun to detach early. The whole thing could have ended much differently, but I'm ecstatic to report that both Abram and Dawn are well. God is so good!

Abram stayed for a mere 24 hours, being born at 37 weeks 1 day (not too shabby on timing :). He's a delightful baby and nursing is going wonderfully. Aside from his very first feeding post-birth (by the nurses in the nursery..ugh!), he has been exclusively breastfed! We are now a happy family of 5.

Without further ado, presenting James "Abram" Bello, born November 29, 2009 at 7:17am, weighing 7lbs 7oz and 19 3/4 in long. Carried, with love, for nine months by his surro-mom, Dawn.

Family/Surrogacy Pictures

2009-11-16T19:08:00.006-06:00

We got together with Dawn and her family last weekend to take some pictures. My dear friend Rachel manned (womanned?) the camera and we got some great shots. Dawn is 34 weeks pregnant in these...

The above picture is all the kids, Dawn's and mine, hands on her ever growing belly. I love it. It reminds me of all the love it took to get here and how this really has been a joint effort between two families. Surrogacy, specifically Dawn, has blessed me more than I could ever put into words. I am looking forward to holding our sweet boy in the next few weeks and seeing the joy on both our families' faces when each of us sees him for the first time. He is one fortunate little guy to have so many people love him already!

Halloween '09

2009-11-02T20:44:00.003-06:00

Saturday, we headed to our dear friends', Rachel and Tony's, for what is becoming our Halloween tradition. We meet for dinner, trick-or-treating, and then Rachel and I set up for what our church lovingly calls the "after party". Our church does our October outreach on Halloween night. Three or four families volunteer to have large bounce houses set up in front of their homes during trick-or-treat hours and as kids come to bounce and get candy, members or our church give their parents pamphlets telling them about us. Rachel decided last year that she would invite all of the church over to their home afterwards for a party and I volunteered to help her get ready. It's a great time. This year her girls were a princess and a vampiress (?). My Blaine was a ninja and Aubrey was Dorothy from the "Wizard of Oz". One other friend from church, a witch, came by to trick-or-treat with the kids and they were off. Everyone had a great time (even though early on Blaine fell and busted up most of the movable joints on his body. One day that boy will learn that he's too clumsy to run!). Rachel, being the smart person she is, snapped this picture. I'm a horrible mom and took none. I don't normally think that Aubrey and Blaine look alike, but in this picture, I think they do. I cannot wait to see who Abram looks like in four short weeks!

Still Here...

2009-10-21T21:01:00.004-05:00

We made attempt #2 at seeing Abram's face. Nope, he was not having it. I guess he wants to save some mystery for the big day. Ultrasound estimated his weight to be 3lb 7oz at 30 weeks, so he's a big boy :) and everything looks great. Now, we patiently wait.

With just under 6 weeks left, I'm busy with getting everything where it needs to be for his arrival. It's been a long time since there has been a baby in our family and

I'm kinda nervous.

On the pumping front, I am now up to 2-4oz a day-most days, sometimes it's less, but I'm hopeful that my supply will increase soon. I have 44oz in the freezer and am so looking forward to nursing.

Here are a couple pictures Dawn and I took a couple of weeks ago, at 30 weeks:

Isn't she just the cutest? :)

Abram's 3D

2009-10-06T13:17:00.004-05:00

We attempted a 3D/4D ultrasound. Just as I feared, Abram was not very cooperative. He has his head buried in Dawn's right hip, his hands up at his face, and his umbilical cord in his face and all around. We go back this Friday to try again at some better pictures. Here is the one good one we got. You can see his sweet face and his cord up at his neck (not sure if it's around his neck, but it's not tight, thankfully. We'll be talking to the doctor about it.)

We go on the 12th for a growth scan and to get all the paperwork at the hospital done. Then, we have an appointment on the 14th to go over it all. Dawn is consistently measuring a week ahead and even the ultrasound tech at the 3D/4D place commented on how small Dawn is, but how big Abram is. It's clear he's already got chubby arms, cheeks, and tummy. So, we're eager to see what the growth scan shows and what they say about the cord.

As for inducing lactation, it's going well. I'm making about an ounce a day now. It may not seem like much, but to me, it's incredible! I've got 8 weeks to build up my supply and so far, I'm impressed with my body.

I cannot wait to meet my little boy! (I bet you knew that :)

Busy With Great Things

2009-09-30T09:06:00.003-05:00

The above is a picture of Dawn (l), Rachel (r), and me (center) at the baby shower they threw for me last weekend. It was wonderful. Not only did we get lots of things we needed (it's been 8 long years since we've had a baby and had zero, zilch, nada), it was also a wonderful time of fellowship. I am forever grateful for all their hard work-plus, Kelly, who was sick :( It is such a great feeling to know that people like you enough to do something like this for you!

Also, I've been pumping for 11 days now. I pump every 2 hours during the day and every 3 hours at night. So, needless to say, I'm exhausted. I know it will be worth it and I cannot wait to breastfeed my sweet baby boy in 9 short weeks, but this is hard work!

We have a 3D/4D ultrasound this Saturday. I'll be sure to post lots of pictures. Until then...

An Open Letter to Abram

2009-09-17T09:33:00.002-05:00

Dear Abram: my sweet, sweet boy,

We are knocking on the door of 27 weeks pregnant. I have been struggling these past couple of weeks. Struggling with how to put into words all I am feeling at this time and what you mean to me. Everyday we're closer to holding you and kissing that sweet head of yours...it's unbelievable. The fact that I could love you, with every fiber of my being, having never touched you or even felt you move inside of me, is mind blowing. You, before you were even conceived, were loved and ours. The whole thing is something that is difficult for anyone who hasn't been here to understand.

Some days it gets to me- the fact that I don't know you. I wish it were possible for me to know your in utero personality, to feel you kick from the inside, to know that you know me, but it's not. And, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the second best thing to that, is living it through your Aunt Dawn. She tells me all about you and how you love to wiggle inside, how you don't let her sleep at night, and how she already knows you are the sweetest baby there is :) God brought us the absolutely perfect person to bring you into this world. She has helped me through this in ways that no one, but her, to a certain point, and I will ever "get" and she loves you so much! I am so thankful that I can sit back and trust that she is taking care of you in just the way I would, if it were me.

As we count down the days, your brother and sister wait so eagerly for you! They are overjoyed with having a new baby brother and I know they will cherish you. I cannot wait for the moment I get to introduce you to them!

The longing I feel is really indescribable. I dream of you every night, and have for 3+ years. I ponder what you'll be like, what you'll look like, what you'll smell like. I cannot wait for it all to become reality and I want to cherish every second. I know now that parenting is not about just getting by, one day at a time. It is about enjoying your child and recognizing what a privilege it is to watch them grow. I plan on doing that with you. So, until we meet in 75 short, but so long, days, I'll see you in my dreams and watch and feel your Aunt Dawn's tummy move every chance I get. I love you dear boy!

Your Mom

Doing Much Better...

2009-09-04T12:59:00.002-05:00

Well, it seems that I finally beat the infection! WHOO!! HOO!! I'm feeling much better and have even gotten back on the low carb wagon. I have two weeks, from today, until I start my pumping regimen for inducing lactation and I'm hoping to be to my goal weight by then (no dieting while nursing for me).

Yep, I don't know if I have mentioned it before, but I am going to breastfeed. During the three years I longed for another child, in every dream I had of him, I was nursing. I did not even know if it was possible so, when we decided to go forward with surrogacy, I began to research. I am on a drug regimen of hormones, vitamins, and a digestive drug whose side effect is production of prolactin (one of the hormones that stimulates milk production for which they do not make a synthetic form). Two weeks from today, I will stop the hormones and replace them with two different herbs, and begin pumping. The idea is to have my supply built up enough that when the baby arrives, I am able to exclusively nurse. I am so hopeful that will be the case and I really can't wait! Pumping will be hard, especially since I'll be pumping at least once during the night, but I know it will be worth it. I'll keep you posted :)

Rolling Along...

2009-08-27T10:51:00.002-05:00

Things have just kinda been here. We enjoyed our second honeymoon and returned to real life at a pretty fast pace. I came down with a mysterious bacteria while we were gone and have been fighting it ever since (3 weeks!). We think I'm finally on the mend, but it has taken a lot out of me.

The kids went back to school this past Monday and so far, so good. I can't believe that we already have a 3rd and a 4th grader!

We've also been working on the nursery :) It's work, but fun work. Aubrey has moved into her new bedroom- the old guest room- and her old room has become Abram's room. We're almost done and it feels good and real.

Dawn is doing well and Abram is a healthy, active 24 weeks on Saturday! Viability!!! This is a huge milestone. I fully expect him to be born a completely healthy full term baby, but it's wonderful to know that if something unexpected happened at this point, he could live outside the womb.

That's about all for now. I'm off to the doctor for the second time this week and hoping there is light at the end of the tunnel for this infection!

Time to Celebrate

2009-08-04T10:27:00.003-05:00

Ten years ago this Thursday, Brandon and I walked into a church and entered into a covenant- between God, myself, and him. We met September 4, 1998 at a Sulphur High football game. I had graduated from high school the May prior and he had recently moved to Sulphur to start his career as a Chemical Engineer. He was invited by a man at work to the game and I had gone with a friend. Brandon happened to be sitting with a guy I graduated with and we sat near them to visit. I instantly was smitten :) Him, notsomuch. I decided not to let him get away. I pursued him until he gave in. By mid-June, we realized we were going to be together forever, so why wait!? We married six weeks later and haven't looked back. That wonderful day, we were surrounded by our closest friends and family and promised to love one another forever. We decided to write our own vows. Brandon, ever the musician, sat at a grand piano in the front of the church and sang his to me. The line that stuck out was when he promised to give his life for me as Christ gave His life for the Church. Then, I stood in front of him, index card in hand, and read my vows to him. I found them the other day in a box of pictures...tear stained and all. Here is what it said...

Brandon-
From the first day we met at that Friday night football game, I felt in my heart that this day would come. You were the one who needed convincing. I had prayed for that special someone from the time I knew what that meant. Something happened to me when I saw you. I knew that I would regret it for the rest of my life if I let you get away. I know everyone laughs when I say God was steering my car that Monday when I went by your house, but I truly believe that. Now, I stand before some of the most important people in our lives and promise to love until the God who unites us, separates us. This is the most important promise I have ever made and I will keep it. Through the good and the bad, there is not a single part of me that doubts that. There is no one I would rather make this covenant with. I pray we will have a marriage other people will respect. There was once a time when the only thing that made me believe that love existed were the songs on the radio. Those days are over, my prayers have been answered, and one day our children will know love exists because of our model. They will look at us and pray that one day they will have a love like their mom and dad. I love you!

I'm happy to say that I still feel that way, ten years later. Brandon, thank you for everything you are to me and our children. You are a man of God, a husband people envy, and a father that your children will speak highly of. I love you more than anything in this world, even more today than ten years ago. You are my world.

We're off to enjoy a second honeymoon. Be back next week :)

Preparing...

2009-07-29T20:08:00.005-05:00

I have begun to shop. I have become a complete etsy addict and have tons of cute stuff on order. I also ordered my gDiapers (so super cute!). It's all really exciting. I am such a different person than I was when Aubrey and Blaine were babies...never in a million years did I think I would be using any form of cloth diapers or wearing my baby, but I am planning on it. And, today, my MobyWrap arrived! It got here and I messed with it a little bit (and quickly learned I am going to need some practice). A little while later, Aubrey disappears into my bedroom. She reappeared with a scarf from my closet and her baby doll like this:

She spent the afternoon with her baby in her "wrap". It was really sweet and made me realize how incredibly happy I am that she is going to have the opportunity to see me be a mom to a baby. Blaine and her are only 14 months apart,so she has no memory of what it's like to have a baby in the house. I think these are really important lessons for her to learn as a child and I'm so glad I'm going to be the one to teach her. I'm sure when I start pumping in a few weeks and then when Abram arrives and I'm breastfeeding, things will get interesting :)

Ramblings of an emotional, not pregnant woman :)

2009-07-25T16:03:00.004-05:00

I have a bad habit. Okay, I have more than one, but one in particular that is getting to me. I read about surrogacy- a lot. I get on google and read up on what different religious views are on surrogacy. I read about what people who are born to surrogates say. I read a lot about the maternal fetal bond and what that means. I read what critics of surrogacy say. Anytime there is an article by some nutcase that has no clue what surrogacy really is, I read it. I have a problem. This is really starting to take a toll on me. It's bad enough that there are ignorant people, whom I know in real life that I have to deal with, I don't need to get myself all worked up over people on the internet. I want so badly to be an advocate for surrogacy, but then I read and realize how far we have to come and I'm just not in the emotional state to defend myself. It is impossible to describe how I feel right now. The best word would be overjoyed, but that doesn't even do it completely. I read all the negative and I don't understand how people can't see the good in this process. I'm not an idiot either- I know some surrogacy agreements are less than ideal, but why are those the ones that the general public wants to focus on?!

And then there's real life...Dawn and I have a loving, mutually respectful relationship, no, friendship. I can't birth my own child. She can. She has given something that most people would never and instead of saying things like "Wow! You are a great person for doing that!" People say things like, "I could never give up a baby!" Seriously!? It's a good thing I didn't put my baby in you then! And on my side, I get the "You sure are doing it the right way! I hate being pregnant!" Are you kidding me!? Do people really think I'm that shallow!? Like I wouldn't give all that I have to be the one carrying my own child! Don't say things until you've thought them through! Pregnancy may not be a walk in the park for some people (I was not a happy, glowy pregnant woman.), but good grief! Who wouldn't want to carry their own child! And then I get the "What an easy way to have a baby!" Ughhhhh!!! Educate yourself! This process is far from easy! I could sit here all day and talk about all that we've gone through to get to this point, but I won't. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that it is not easy finding someone we trust to carry our child, impregnating another woman with our biological child, etc. And don't get me started on the financial aspects and the things people have the nerve to say about that. We are not so wealthy we had nothing better to do with our money! We saved for two years and have done without some things because having another child was a priority for us. That's what you do when something means everything to you. And, NO, I am NOT worried that "she will keep the baby!" I did take the time to talk to her about that and know her just a bit better than you who have never even met her. But in case you're still worried about my character judgement and her intentions, yes, we did go to court and yes, the baby is legally and biologically ours- that was part of that "easy" process you referred to earlier in our conversation.

I apologize for my venting. I just had to get it out and if you read here, you're probably not one of the people who have offended me. I'm working on letting it all go and chalking it up to the fact that people will say anything when they don't know what to say. I'm also trying to stay away from surrogacy on the internet and let God handle the rest. I'm a work in progress...

Introducing (again!)...

2009-07-22T14:33:00.006-05:00

I'm overjoyed to report that all is well with our sweet boy! He looks great: has all his organs in the right places and in the right quantities, is active and already super cute. Dawn is feeling well and assures us that he is already a wonderful baby :) He is measuring one week ahead and the doctor says he is likely to be a big baby. This has Dawn a little nervous, but it'll be okay ;) I've already apologized for his big head which is definitely my genes! AND...we have a name...James Abram. James is after Brandon's dad and grandfather and Abram because we like it. We will call him Abram and Brandon has grand visions of him going by J. Abram one day. That will be up to him though. We're halfway there... 4 1/2 months until we're holding baby Abram!

7-8-09

2009-07-09T13:16:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was a HUGE day for our family! It was my dear husband's 34th birthday and that would have been exciting enough, but it just kept getting better and better. I was able to cheat and get us a "sneak peek" at Baby Bello. It was wonderful! Dawn, her husband Roger, Brandon, and me, of course, were there, but it also worked out that my brother, Scott, and my mom came too. Most importantly, the ultrasound place allowed us to bring Aubrey and Blaine! I cannot even put into words how much it meant to me to sit with them on either side of me as we were able to watch their baby brother stretch and squirm. To see the looks on their faces was truly priceless. That' right! I said baby brother!!! We're having a boy! I am totally surprised. I just had a hunch all along that it was a girl. We can't all be right all the time :) I would have been 100% happy either way. It's hard to explain after longing for this baby for such a long time, but everything after being pregnant, is just extra. I cannot wait to hold my sweet little boy!

Then, at 11:03 last night, on his Uncle Brandon's birthday, our newest nephew came into the world! We are so thrilled for J & D and that Daniel Isaac has joined our family. What his birth mother has done is something I cannot begin to imagine. May God bless her and comfort her. Welcome to the family Daniel!

Missouri 2009

2009-07-09T12:53:00.003-05:00

We had a great time! I love being able to travel and see my family. It's a shame we're so spread out though. I so wish I was able to spend more time with my sweet nieces and nephews (and their moms and dads). Here are a few highlights:

Sweet Evie girl and me

Evie giving me her big smiles :)

Blaine, me, and my sister, Amy

Kelly, Blaine, and Aubrey

Can't wait for next time already!

We're 15 weeks!

2009-06-28T17:29:00.003-05:00

Well, today we made 15 weeks! I'm not sure why, but every week feels like a milestone at this point. Everyday this baby becomes more real to me. It truly is amazing. Dawn sent me this today...

Our baby is growing right along and Dawn looks more beautiful by the day! We are so blessed to be on this ride with her. I could not ask for more.

Well, I'm off to Missouri tomorrow morning for a visit with my sister and beautiful niece. Summer is busy around here :)

Patiently Waiting (or not so much)

2009-06-24T08:47:00.003-05:00

Seems like lately, I do a lot of waiting. I have never been the best in the area of patience, but this has been great practice. So, today, I am patiently waiting and praying for the things that are further out like our ultrasound on 7/21 and the baby, in general :) But also, I am waiting and praying for things more imminent. I have some health things going on and am waiting for them to be "figured" out (more on that to come, I'm sure and unfortunately). And on a much happier note, Brandon's sister and her husband are adopting their second son this week! It was an amazingly fast thing and we've only know since last Thursday that the baby was for sure theirs, but his birth mother is schedule to be induced tomorrow! So, they're on their way to Maine (where the baby will be born) now! I cannot wait to hear his stats, see his pictures, and know all is well! God is so good!

We're Baaaaacccck...

2009-06-19T19:35:00.003-05:00

We had a great vacation. The weather was perfect, the water was clear and cool, the time was full of relaxing and fun- couldn't ask for anything more! Now, we are back to the "real" world, at least for now. I head, with the kids and the wonderful Kelly, to Missouri to visit my sister and niece next week for a week. Until then, home. I've been on the road a lot, trying to get all my visiting done before the baby comes.

As for a pregnancy update, everything is going perfectly! We have our big gender ultrasound scheduled for July 21st and I can hardly wait! I'm ready to be able to call this baby a "him" or a "her" and, most importantly, shop :)

Here are some pictures from our trip:

Time...

2009-06-03T09:00:00.000-05:00

I am really at a loss for where the time goes. Everything has been a blur since Memorial Day. My brother and I flew up to OH on Memorial Day and immediately drove approximately 2 hours to the funeral home in a little tiny, wonderful town. We attended the visitation for our grandfather and then visited with family. After that, we drove back about an hour to our hotel in another small town. Tuesday morning, back to the funeral home for the funeral...sadness. We went to lunch at the church hall after that and then visited with family some more. Then, we drove back to my dad and stepmom's house in another speck on the map :) about 3 hours away. Wednesday and Thursday morning were spent relaxing, visiting, and reminiscing. Thursday afternoon, Scott and I drove about 2 1/2 hours to the airport and headed home. I am so grateful we got to go and it was so nice to see everyone, aside from the circumstances, but whew! Friday, I did house things. Saturday, I drove Scott back to his home in Waco- about a 3 1/2 hour trip each way. I was/am exhausted. Now, it's Wednesday and this week has been spent playing "catch up" and preparing for our vacation. We leave tomorrow morning for 10 days. We'll spend tomorrow night in Baton Rouge (4 1/2 hour drive) at Brandon's parents and then, Friday morning, we head to Panama City (another 6 hours) for 8 days of much needed R&R. We'll do the same thing the following week, but in reverse ;) So, I'm spending today cleaning and packing (and blogging, obvs). I cannot wait to be on the beach, relaxing, with an empty brain. I'm sure I'll have lots of pictures to post when we return to make everyone jealous!

On another note, today is the kids last day of school. At day's end, I'll have a 4th grader and a 3rd grader! Seriously!? Where does the time go?!

Pregnancy Update...

2009-06-03T08:49:00.001-05:00

We are now 11 1/2 weeks along! Everything is going great and Dawn is still saying this is her easiest pregnancy to date! That makes my heart glad. We should be finding out the sex of our little one sometime late July. I cannot wait! Then, I'll feel like I can finally start buying things. So exciting!

My Grandpa...

2009-05-23T08:42:00.003-05:00

Herman Berry was my step-grandfather. My step-mom and dad married when I was 12 and her family accepted us immediately. Both of my blood grandfathers died when I was young, so for me, he was it. I cannot tell you what it means to me that their family put my name, my siblings' names, and my children's names in his obituary. He truly was exceptional... Herman H. Berry, 84, lived in LaRue. Date: He died Thursday, May 21st, 2009 at 11:50 a.m. at Fairhaven Community in Upper Sandusky. Personal Information: Herman was born December 26th, 1924 in Kentucky to John Everett and Elizabeth (Chapman) Berry. He married Margaret Louise Clay November 28th, 1945. He was a WWII veteran serving in the Army Air Corp. He worked at National Cash Register as a collator operator, and then taught masonry at MCI and Tri-Rivers. He was a member of the Weak Enders Campers Club. He loved fishing, and getting the family together for cook outs. He had an exceptional sense of humor, lived life to the fullest and was a devoted husband and father. Survived By: His wife: Margaret Berry survives him along with three daughters: Loretta Dawson of Marion, Linda Gossett of Clarksville, Luana Mathew of LaRue, seven grandchildren: Cassandra Myers of Marion, Patrick Dawson of Marion, Chandra DeCan of West Manchester, Amy Penman of Columbia, Missouri, Heather Bello of Houston, Texas, Sara Kolax of Springfield, Missouri, Scott Gossett of Waco, Texas, eight great-grandchildren: Bailey Myers, Ashley Phillabaum, Emma Sue DeCan, Brandon DeCan, Aubrey Bello, Blaine Bello, Carson Kolax and Evangeline Penman. His parents: John and Elizabeth Berry preceded him in death along with one grandson: Christopher Foster, three brothers: Kenneth Berry, Carl Berry and William Berry, one sister: Leona Lowman, one step-brother: James Johnson and one step-sister: Mary Purdin.

I'm off to Ohio, with my brother, for the funeral. I'm going to write a tribute to my Grandpa when I feel like I can. He more than deserves it.

We've got a baby with rhythm...

2009-05-19T17:21:00.008-05:00

Today was our very last appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist. We've graduated to bigger and better things. And much like most graduations, it was bittersweet. I will miss our Tuesday ritual: meeting Dawn, getting Dawn's two littlest ones to Kelly (who has been a lifesaver, by the way), heading up to Dr. Gill's office, being treated extra special by everyone at Dr. Gill's office, and of course, seeing our baby on that beautiful ultrasound. But, like I said, we're on to bigger and better things. Dawn is now far enough along (and doing well enough) to be under the care of her regular OB. That is reason for excitement! She also gets to stop the medications she has been on for 10 weeks- that's reason for her rear end to be excited :) It's a big day.

As for today's ultrasound, everything looks fabulous. Our baby was dancing away to the beating of Dawn's heart! It was amazing. He/she also appeared to wave at one point- truly a magical moment. I will forever be grateful for these last few weeks. Here's today's ultrasound picture at 9 weeks 2 days. This will be the last one until the BIG ultrasound in about 8 weeks!

This Weekend

2009-05-17T18:43:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, my first born turned 9! It really is amazing how quickly time passes. She is growing up into a beautiful young woman, inside and out. I am so blessed! It was a great day.

I added a pregnancy widget to the blog. To the right you can see the neat little ball that our baby bounces around in. I looked at adding it just last week, but the baby looked disturbing: tail, weird head, and all. Once again, I am amazed at the difference a week makes in gestational development. We will have another (and probably last for a few weeks) ultrasound on Tuesday. I'll be sure to update then. Thanks to everyone for all the kind words and encouragement!

Growing...

2009-05-12T15:55:00.006-05:00

It's amazing the difference a week, in utero, makes. Last week our sweet baby was merely a blob with a heartbeat. This week, we have a discernible head, arm buds, and leg buds. A strong heartbeat at 163 beats per minute and a wiggly, fun to watch baby!

Baby Bello 8 weeks 2 days- picture 1 is a length measurement, picture 2 is the heart rate, picture 3 is a full body profile shot with the head to the left and the ball at the feet being the yolk sac:

A Special Treat

2009-05-06T18:30:00.004-05:00

Here's a clip from our ultrasound yesterday- baby Bello at 7 weeks 2 days...such a miracle!

Edited to add: THIS IS A VIDEO :) Click the play button in the bottom left corner.

Speechless, Astonished, and Amazed...

2009-04-28T19:30:00.002-05:00

I have been blogging for 4 years. I don't have a huge following, but I do have a devoted group of friends and family (hi, Mom!) that like to read what I have to say. I love blogging. For me, it's been an outlet. I blog like some would keep a journal or diary. It's a place for me to chronicle our lives, vent, and share. I like to write and I am not usually one to be at a loss for words.

But, I've never been here before. This surrogacy journey has done things to me, already, that I cannot explain. I am without words. We went in today for our second ultrasound. Standing there looking at that black and white screen, I was overcome. There, in front of my eyes, was the child I have longed for, ached for in the deepest part of my soul for nearly 4 years. Amongst, the grainy, grey sea, a black void and within it, a perfectly tiny body. Within that perfectly tiny body, an itsy bitsy flicker that changed me forever...one perfectly formed, beating heart. I really can't describe what that moment was like, much less put it in comprehensible form for all to read. The thought that when we are but the size of a grain of rice, our heart begins to beat is mind blowing. That before we are fully formed, before any of our other organs function, our heart beats is incredible. I think there is a huge significance to the order in which we develop. The Bible tells us that God knows us even before we are formed in the womb and to think that while we went about our daily lives in the last week, doing our ordinary things, God started a tiny heart beating, well, I'm speechless. All I know to do is cry out to the God that loves me so much and thank Him for healing me from years of longing and breathing life into that tiny miracle.

Yesterday...

2009-04-22T12:26:00.002-05:00

We had our first ultrasound! It was amazing! We were able to see one beautiful gestational sac and fetal pole. We go back next Tuesday, the 28th, for a repeat. By then, we should be able to see our baby's heartbeat. I am so blessed!

Now, I'm going to try to get myself motivated enough to clean this messy house and take a much needed shower. Wish me luck :)

A Complete and Utter Lack of Motivation...

2009-04-20T13:10:00.002-05:00

Something is very "off". I can't put my finger on it, but I feel like the weight of the world has found a resting place firmly on my shoulders. I am exhausted. I am pretty sure I could stay in bed 24 hours a day and still be tired. I've had a headache since Friday and just can't seem to "wake up". Things were going along great and then the rain came Friday afternoon, I've been at a loss since. I am praying that God will give me peace about all the different situations I'm dealing with and energy to do what has to be done. Above all, I am praying for a healing of relationships that seem strained.

On a MUCH happier note, our ultrasound is tomorrow morning. I am so excited to be able to get a look at what is ahead of us :) Maybe God will provide all I am asking for through this miraculous journey.

Beta #2...

2009-04-16T12:47:00.003-05:00

14 days past 3 day transfer...862!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me just say that Dawn + our embryos=an incredible team! For those of you who know nothing about beta numbers, that is fantastic! They're well above the curve and we have a doubling time of 36 hours! Dr. G wants her to be tested again tomorrow morning and after we get that number, we'll schedule the ultrasound, but it looks like it will be Monday! I am so stinkin' excited!

The 1st Beta is Back...

2009-04-14T16:06:00.002-05:00

Yesterday's beta (measurement of pregnancy hormone in the body), at 12 days past 3 day transfer was...345! For those of you not obsessed with beta numbers, that is GREAT! There is at least one strong baby in there, possibly more :) Dawn goes in tomorrow for a repeat. The number should double every 48 hours (usually less for multiples). We'll have an idea of the doubling time tomorrow and hopefully then we'll find out when our first ultrasound will be! I cannot wait!!!

This Week Has Been a Ride...

2009-04-08T12:28:00.003-05:00

I've been absent because, well, I've been without words. I know it's hard to believe, but the past week has left me speechless. We transferred two excellent embryos last Wednesday morning. It was an awesome day. Dawn was gracious enough to not only allow Brandon and I to be in the room for the procedure, but to advocate for us to be there. It was a truly life changing experience. We were able to watch as our two beautiful babies were gently put into Dawn's uterus to hopefully make a home for the next nine months! Neither of us will ever forget it! We took some time to have a little fun while waiting...

Brandon and me

Dawn and me

Brandon and me, dressed for the occasion :)

Dawn and Roger, dressed to impress!

After transfer, Dawn was on bed rest for three days. I took the opportunity to spend the days with her, hanging out and talking. It was really nice! Saturday, she was released to be upright again. We ventured into Houston to have lunch with some great ladies from the surrogacy community plus, Kelly and Vera. We had a great time and I tried sushi for the first time (don't know if I will again, but I impressed myself with my bravery!). Sunday, our families, plus Kelly and Vera (who are pretty much family, at this point!) had lunch and we decided we could not wait anymore...we had to test. It was way early, but we decided to get our negative out of the way, so we did. Monday, Dawn and two of her children came down with a terrible stomach bug. I was sick, too, but mine had to do with hyperstimulation of my ovaries (I'm on the mend now). Late Monday afternoon, the call came. Dr. G's nurse called and said that neither of our remaining embryos made it to freeze. It was a horrible end to a horrible day. Brandon and I were both heartbroken. It was a total shock and something I could have never prepared myself for. I really had no idea that I would instantly feel the way I do for those four embryos. I had no idea I would need to grieve for the two we lost. I don't know if it's something you can understand unless you've been there. I know I didn't. My mind began running with the "what-ifs" and began to wonder about the two we transferred...whether either of them were okay. Dawn and Roger were so wonderful and through this process have really felt everything along with us: the joy, excitement, frustration, worry, mourning, and all out terror...I'm sure there is a lot more to come, but I am so thankful for both of them! Dawn felt pregnant and said she was sure she was pregnant. She tested Monday night and got a faint positive! We tested three times yesterday: morning, noon, and night...all positive and getting darker! Dawn is definitely pregnant!!! In a matter of hours, God took our mourning and gave us hope! I am in complete awe of Him and the way He works all things to the good. Dawn will have her blood work done on Wednesday, the 15th and we'll find out about an ultrasound then. I cannot wait to see our baby (or babies!) and know that all is well!

This Post Brought to You by the Number: 4...

2009-03-30T15:55:00.002-05:00

Our fertilization report just came in and we have four wonderful embryos growing! Dr. G thinks that my progesterone level had something to do with us only having half of my eggs fertilize. I was a little surprised at first, that the number was so low. Then, I was reminded that all along I have said that four would be perfect. We will transfer two on Wednesday and freeze two for another go. Now, I am just praying that those four continue to thrive and get their shot at life. I had no idea I would feel the way I do right now. It's hard to even put into words. God has worked everything out so beautifully and I have faith that He will not let us down. Now, just to keep my sanity...

A Momentous Day...

2009-03-29T15:07:00.002-05:00

Well, everything went great. The worst part of the entire thing was my nerves. I was making myself crazy waiting for them to take me to the OR. I guess what you really want to know is how many, right?! We got 8 eggs! I'm really happy with that number and had to laugh about it. Everyone I know has been picking on me saying "You're the next Octomom!", then we get 8 eggs...how perfect :) NOTE: We will only be using two, this time and freezing any we have over that number!

One thing interesting...Dr. Gill came in before they took me back and explained to me why he decided to do it today. The nurse had said, Friday afternoon, that my progesterone had taken a big jump and he didn't want me to ovulate. Well, Dr. Gill said that the reason my progesterone took that jump was because one or two of my follicles had already ovulated! The ovulated follicles release the progesterone and tell your uterus (if you have one :) that it's time to head into another phase of the process. He was concerned that the rest of the follicles would ovulate, so they triggered me immediately. He also said that if we had been putting the embryos back in me, we would have had to cancel the entire cycle because of the change to the uterus from this happening! I am so glad that the nurse left all that out on Friday. I would have been nervous about ovulating all weekend!

So, thanks everyone for the well wishes! I'm good and so relieved that part is done! We'll know tomorrow how many fertilized and whether we are transferring on Tuesday or Thursday. I'll update then!

It's Time...

2009-03-27T17:54:00.000-05:00

Well, I just got the call...I will trigger tonight at 7:30 (1 1/2 hours away!!!). We have to be at the hospital for 6:00am Sunday morning and the procedure is at 7:00am! We didn't expect to have a Sunday retrieval, at all. My progesterone is on the higher side and Dr. Gill is concerned that if we wait any longer, it will go up and compromise the entire cycle. Brandon is the worship leader at our church so, service should be interesting :) And I'm sure I will be incredibly sleep deprived since we are going to the Rockets game tomorrow night and won't be home until around midnight, so by the time I get to bed, I'll probably get 4 hours of sleep.

An exciting weekend ahead...

Appointment #2 This Week...

2009-03-25T17:21:00.002-05:00

I went back in this morning for an ultrasound and bloodwork. I'm stimming well. I have several follicles on each ovary (the right is better than the left). The biggest is measuring almost 17mm and the rest range from 13-16mm. My estrogen was 1850 (I think) so, I'm holding steady with the meds. I go back on Friday (as does Dawn, but her lining was already 11.1 with a triple stripe on Monday!) and should get a trigger time then. It looks like Monday for egg retrieval and then either Wednesday or Friday for transfer. The nurse today said if she had to guess, she would guess we get 10 eggs. Sounds good to me! She was surprised when I said that was a good number and I didn't need more than that. Apparently in the world of IVF, the more the better. But, in my world, God can make big things happen with nothing, so I'm good with anything ;)

Oh, and the picture above is my feet wearing the socks I wore today. Yep ladies, I wore these to the "female doctor" today. You know the nurse loved that!

Much Needed Update...

2009-03-23T16:22:00.005-05:00

The above pictures are of the medications I am taking to get the job on my ovaries done :) It's an overwhelming thing to look at all of that and figure it out, but I'm doing it. I started my "big" shots last Thursday. They are not one of the better things I've ever done, but it's all worth it. Brandon has been great about giving them to me. He enjoys it, which makes me a little uncomfortable. Dawn and I both went in for our "checks" today. My body is reacting well to the stimulation. I have 10 great follicles on the right ovary and 8 on the left. The nurse is guessing I should be ready for retrieval on Monday-two days ahead of schedule!!! Dawn looks great too. Her lining is nice and fluffy :) and ready to make a perfect home for our babies, once again ahead of schedule! We make a GREAT team! I am so excited and in complete awe at how God is putting all of this together. It's really mind blowing.

In other news, my fantastic Aubrey got a perfect score on the Reading/English portion of her TAKS test!!! For those of you not in TX, TAKS is the standardized test they give to students here, the equivalent of LEAP in LA. Her teacher called to give me the news this afternoon. I seriously could not be more proud of her. She'll take the next portion, Math, next month. My girl rocks!

What Great Days Are Made Of...

2009-03-13T15:51:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to let everyone know that we finally got the state of Texas to clear us for surrogacy! Brandon and I went to court with our attorney this morning and officially "adopted" our soon-to-be embryos! The judge gave us the validation and we are on.

Dawn and I started our Lupron yesterday (I figured one day wouldn't make that big of a difference) and we're still looking at ER around April 1st. We're on the way!

Plus today, immediately after court, I went to my orthopedic surgeon- I had a lumbar fusion done six months and one week ago (counting every day :) He said I am not totally healed so I did not get full clearance (still can't bend, twist, or lift-bungee jumping is out too); however, he freed me from the prosthetic back brace I've been in for six months and one week!!! I cannot tell you how wonderful that is...that thing is big, bulky, incredibly uncomfortable and hot. Six months has been a long time!

It's been a GREAT day!

Aub's Spelling Words for 3/12...

2009-03-12T15:46:00.002-05:00

perspiration
similar
opposition
metallic
combination
similarity
prohibition
familiar
familiarity
invitation
mobility
fragility

And appropriately...

legality

Yep, we just got the call!!! We go to court tomorrow morning at 8:30!!! I could not be happier, at least until tomorrow when we get the "a-ok" from the judge and I get my back brace off in the same day! Now, let's just pray that is actually what happens and I don't get held up in court so I can make it to my 10:45 surgeon's appointment on time!

What I Learned This Morning...

2009-03-12T10:55:00.002-05:00

It's been a hard week. It started out with a time change (which I am convinced is a government conspiracy to make people sleepy) and Brandon being out of town. Those two things directly contributed to me being a walking zombie from Sunday to Tuesday. Then, our home study report was supposed to be filed by Wednesday. Exciting, right? There's a concrete date that it *has* to be done by. We held out hope for 45 days that it would be done sooner, but at least there was March 11, if all else fails. Yesterday, March 11-finally here!!! Whoo!!! Nothing. I waited all day to hear the news only to get a "It's not done yet." when I checked on it. So much for "court orders" right? Apparently "court orders" mean zilch when you are the state. Our home visit was done on February 12. No one can explain to me why the report on said visit would take a month much less more. I was incredibly (and understandably, I think) upset and frustrated yesterday afternoon-one more day down the drain. Plus, we're running out of pills and will have to refill if this is not done by Monday- $65 more than I should be spending and our attorney is going out of town tomorrow afternoon and won't be back until Wednesday. So, if we don't get to court tomorrow, it won't be before Wednesday.

This morning, I took the kids to school and was listening to the local Christian station on the way home. The DJ said that she has recently learned that waiting is always made easier when you wait on the Lord rather than waiting on "the thing". Wow! I so needed to hear that. I have decided not to stroke out and instead wait on the Lord. If we hear something, I'm sure you'll hear me scream from NE Houston around the world.

In other news, I have my big back appointment with my surgeon tomorrow. I am praying to be able to trash this gigantic back brace and move on with my life post back surgery. Six months is a looooonnnnnnng time in a back brace.

To answer a few questions:

No, we do not live near a pig farm (hilarious Jenn!). We live in a pretty urban area- the middle of a subdivision. However the pig got here, it's pretty incredible that it wound up in my yard of all yards.
As far as the ridiculous debt collector, apparently the debt he's wanting to collect is with Columbia House- you know the DVD, music order thingy. Well, they're a scam in and of themselves and there is no way to reach an actual person there. That's part of the problem. When the charge was originally and fraudulently made, I could not contact them to let them know that, neither could my bank. I googled the "debt collector's" number and they have a TON of fraud claims against them. I put a fraud alert on my credit and am keeping an eye on it. If something appears, I'll file a dispute. Hopefully, they are going to leave me alone.

More Random Thoughts...

2009-03-04T20:44:00.002-06:00

Today has been way overwhelming. I started out the day being upset at how our social worker drags her feet and is in no hurry whatsoever to help us. I ended it by screaming on the phone with a debt collection agency who is threatening my credit score over a charge made in my name when my identity was stolen in September 2007. So, I'm bringing back the random thoughts for today...

I think I'm going to join Kelly in the "I can never eat pork again" camp.
Why is it that people only get in a hurry for themselves? Why do they think they're doing good when they squeak in at the deadline, instead of having it done days earlier instead of playing solitaire online (at least that's what I imagine her, uh, I mean them doing.)?
I am so eager and excited to get moving with this surrogacy, but at the same time I am scared stupid that something will go wrong or the baby won't like me or something like that.
I was so angry on the phone with that jerk of a debt collector that I not only began to cry, I was shaking and felt like I was having a stroke! Seriously, I filed a police report and handled this back in October of 2007 and now they want to come after me!? And would you believe that when I began to question them about how they think they can do that when all they have is my name and phone number correct (everything else is the "real" person's information), said jerk hung up on me!!! I called the number back and he picked up and hung up the phone again!
In October of 2007 when the identity theft occurred, I filed a police report and gave them all the information I could gather on the impostor me from the creditors they'd taken out debts with. I handed them the person's birthdate, social security number, address (they were paying their phone service, internet, and blockbuster delivery with my account-smart crooks!), email address, and even their first pet's name. The good ol' detective did nothing! Zilch! Nada! My bank refunded me my money and and changed my account number. I guess that was supposed to satisfy my lust for their head. Since then, the people have tried several times to get car loans in my name and now, a year and a half later, here I am with debt collectors threatening to ruin my credit! Oy!!! I want these people in jail! They disgust me. I know where they live (about a mile down the road) and I want to go confront them myself, but Brandon says I can't.
I ordered our meds today for the IVF cycle! They should be here tomorrow!!!
I will attend my first ever school board meeting tomorrow night. I'm nervous. It's about a school boundaries proposal and I have a feeling it's going to get ugly.
Dieting is hard work.
My house is once again a wreck. It's an endless cycle: clean, dirty, clean, dirty... you get my point.
I'm going to lunch with Rachel tomorrow. I love Rachel.

The Most Bizarre, Disgusting Experience...

2009-03-02T17:29:00.007-06:00

So, this morning I was minding my own business, doing what I do. I took the kids to school and then came home to get on with my day of hanging with Jennifer and David, who are in visiting! Well, I pulled up in the driveway, talking to Brandon on my cell phone. There is this little, junky looking rat terrier that lives across the street. The "owners" (for lack of a better word) leave their garage open a foot or so during the day and let the dog run loose. So, I pull up this morning and he is digging in my flowerbed, right near my front door! I tell Brandon "That punk rat terrier is digging in my flowerbed! I'm going to get that dog!!!" I love my flowerbeds and don't like people who let their animals trash other people's things! Anyway, I ran after him and shooed him away. That's when I see that there is something there that he is digging at. It was rust colored and I initially thought it was some sort of giant mushroom. I thought out loud, "How on Earth have I not seen a mushroom of this size growing here!?" It was half covered in mulch so I took my foot (thankfully shoe-ed!) and dug it up and stuck my foot in it to turn it over. That's when the story becomes H-O-R-R-I-F-I-C. I tried to be nice to those of you with weaker stomachs than others and post the pictures after a jump, but the code just won't work. So, I'm sorry, but they'll have to be posted here. Scroll down to see...

In case you can't tell...It's the head, and only the head, of a hog!!! Yes, I am serious. I screamed my face off, ran away (returning later for pictures), and nearly vomited! I have no clue how it got there and hope to never see it again (the ratty terrier eventually took off with it- despite my efforts to keep him from it). I don't think I'll ever wear those shoes again and I really think that someone has it out for me. It still makes me nauseous to think about it. Everyday truly is an adventure around here. Keep in mind it was actually about 18 inches from snout to neck and I stuck my foot in its head. Top that!

Random Thoughts From Today...

2009-02-26T17:13:00.002-06:00

I still feel awful! When are these antibiotics going to work their "magic"?!
My house needs to be cleaned- BADLY!
We have no food and already being sick, the store seems like death right now.
LAUNDRY!
The "octuplets mom" really annoys me (and not for the reasons you may think). It's time for a haircut, Nadya!
Our social worker is making me coo koo bananas! Finish and file your report already!
The closer we get to egg retrieval and transfer, the more excited I get. Also, the more terrified I get! This process is so unknown to me. I don't want to have my heartbroken.
Why do people think it's okay to judge mothers who become mother through surrogacy? Where do they get the nerve to suggest that "adoption would be a better idea"? Seriously, if you know the answer to this, write me. Maybe it would help me come up with a response.
LOST stresses me out, but I love it.
I just made my first "siggy" for a message board. I'm pretty proud of myself.
My husband is a rock star at his job. I am so proud of him! I mean, who else do you personally know that actually has US patents filed in their name for brilliant ideas that are making companies millions upon millions of dollars?! We don't see a penny from it, but it's cool nonetheless. Dang "intellectual property" clauses!
I need to flatiron my hair. I look like a chia pet.
American Idol stunk last night.
DISHES!
Did I mention I'm still sick?

Aubrey's Spelling Words For This Week...

2009-02-26T17:03:00.003-06:00

custodian
ritual
composition
competition
conspiracy
designate
divinity
reptilian
serenity
paginate (Is that even a word?!)

These are my favorite of her 22 words this week. Maybe I'll make this my Thursday blog feature :)

I'm Stubborn...

2009-02-24T07:01:00.002-06:00

I have been sick for about three months. I get better for a few days and then, BAM!, I'm sick again. I have put off going to the doctor thinking that I could self medicate. Well, yesterday, I had enough. I finally went to the doctor. He looked at me and said "How long have you been sick!?" That's never a good sign. Then he went on, "Your ears are unbelievably infected, your sinuses are completely clogged and infected, and your lungs are full of fluid!" Yep, the verdict: ear infection, sinus infection, and bronchitis. I'm off to bed for the next couple of days, with my antibiotic, nasal spray, and decongestant on my nightstand...praying I get better before this weekend (Brandon's sister and her family are coming to visit)!

Oh, and next time I am sick, tell me to get my rearend to the doctor!

Is it really better to be brilliant?...

2009-02-19T16:03:00.009-06:00

I'm sitting here calling out spelling words to the female child. Why is it that a 3rd grader's homework is my homework!? I am annoyed. Gone are the days of simple spelling lists and copying your words three times each. No, after Christmas break, they tested each child and gave them their own spelling lists that are at their level (more than one child can be at the same level, but each has to test to that level). Aubrey, of course, scored as high as humanly possible and now has some ridonkulous spelling words. For example, this week, "precision", "ignition", "humane", "criminal", "breathe", and "breath" ( I know lots of grown people who can't get those last two straight!). Oh, and last week's "congregation", "congressional", "autumnal", "solemnity"- these are only samples of the 22 words she has each week! Seriously!? She not only gets graded on her spelling of said words but she also has to put them into categories, this week's being "Long vowel" and "Short vowel". So here I sit, typing and calling out words to her. I wonder what words the "other" kids have... "dog", "cat", "sat"...oh the burden of being intelligent. *sigh*

Edit: I don't know why blogger is breaking up the words "criminal" and "autumnal" but I tried to fix it and it won't let me. Blogger must have something against the words "criminal" and "autumnal"! I do too~they were on my 3rd grader's spelling list! Ugh!

Watch Out, I'm A Bright One...

2009-02-18T16:20:00.004-06:00

Last night I did something I have never done before. EVER. I got out of the shower and squirted some control balm/straightener and a dab of heat protection in my hand. I mixed as usual, in said hand. I rubbed both hands together to get the "product" evenly dispersed. Then, normally, I would have run my hands through my hair. But no, not this time. This time, I rubbed the goo, both hands worth, on my face! Yes, that's right. On. My. Face. Let this serve as a warning, watch out for me. I am a bright one.

*It could have been worse. I could have put my face wash in my hair. That would have been bad, considering it bleaches everything it touches and is messy!

We DID It...

2009-02-17T16:08:00.004-06:00

Our home study has been done. It went much like I expected it to. The social worker stayed just over an hour; she toured our home, interviewed us and the kids, and was on her merry way. Aubrey had lots of interesting things to say. Here's one gem:

Social Worker: Do you think you'll help your parents with the new baby(ies)?

Aubs: Yeah, (big sigh) I'll probably have to quit school. My mom has no idea what it's like to take care of babies anymore. She's used to Blaine and me who do everything for ourselves!

me: Aubrey, have you ever been a parent?

Aubs: Nope, just read a book. It was about a dog who had puppies, but they were strays and their lives were hard so, it applies.

Ahhh...the mind of our eight year old! That's just one of the exchanges that had me putting my face in my hands and shaking my head. Thankfully, the social worker loved her! She thought she was bright and hilarious (she is, but some people just don't know how to take her)! So, I think we "passed"! We are now waiting for the report to be filed and then we'll go to court. We're still on track for a March 31 egg retrieval and embryo transfer of either April 3 or 5, depending on how many embryos we have. I am SO excited!

2009-02-14T09:16:00.001-06:00

Wiped Out...

2009-02-10T18:10:00.002-06:00

I am wiped out in every way imaginable. One thing that I have learned from our surrogacy journey, so far, is where I am at in my cycle. This may be TMI, but since having my hysterectomy in 2004, I have no need to know (and no way to know) when it's "that time of the month". Well, now I know. It's that time of the month. At least I am able to understand why I am so emotionally and physically drained :) That and I haven't had carbs or sugar in two days! Summer, here I come!

Anyway, we were finally contacted by our assigned social worker today and our home visit is scheduled for this Thursday, the 12th (which is the Incredible Dawn's birthday)! We're nervous but SO ready to get this done and behind us. One more step towards becoming parents again- it's unbelievably exciting!

One more thing, my ginkgo bilboa note got a lot of feedback. Who woulda thunk!? I do not intend on taking it. It was more of a joke because it is said to improve memory and I just really love to say (or type, in this instance) the words ginkgo bilboa. If anyone out there is looking into it, I would say do some research. It's not good to take if you have certain medical problems (I wouldn't be able to take it because I have Raynauds' Syndrome- nothing to worry about. Just means my circulation is poor and my fingers occasionally turn purple. Note to self: take picture of purple fingers for blog) and depending on what study you look at, it may or may not actually work.

That's it for now! Later Taters!

So You Miss Me?

2009-02-06T17:01:00.002-06:00

Yes, you! Out there in internet land, you miss me!? I know you do! I haven't been blogging this week because I have felt like poo- yet again! I have been coughing since Monday and it is rather unpleasant. I'm pretty sure I have bronchitis because, well, my mom has the same symptoms so I sent her to the doctor and he said she has bronchitis. Good enough for me. I'm feeling better but still coughing. I think I have inferior lungs.

Anyway, I thought I would give a quick surrogacy update for all you that missed me :) A week ago, we found out that the judge would not waive the home study. It has been ordered, assigned to an investigator, and the paperwork, on our part, has been completed. Now, we wait. We're hoping this all gets done SOON, but there are no guarantees. However since we were not able to skip it (we must seem seedy?), we will not make our original March 3rd egg retrieval. IF the home study is done in time, we are looking at an April 1st egg retrieval and transfer on either the 4th or 6th. Dawn and I had our teaching visit with the IVF nurse on Monday. It was a lot of "stick the syringe in this bottle" and "pull it out to here" and "stick it straight into your fat, flabby stomach" (okay I added the "fat, flabby" part). We are hoping, once again dependent on the great state of Texas, that we will start our injections on March 10. I really hope I remember everything when it gets here (note to self: ginkgo biloba). It's exciting! I just wish it wasn't so much hurry up and wait.

Well, that's all I've got for now. Behave yourselves and I'll be back soon. I promise.

Heather and the Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

2009-01-28T14:12:00.006-06:00

And so begins post 2 for today. Yesterday was "one" of those days and I just need to share with all computer land what happened.

It started off okay. I went to Bible study with the girls and then to lunch with the one and only Rachel. I came home for about an hour before I needed to get my kids from school and it began. I sat in the recliner to catch up on email and look down. Normally, I would have seen this:

But, what do I see this time!? THIS:

Some of you might be saying to yourselves "so what, your shoe broke?" First, how does a shoe even break that way!? Then, let me just tell you that these are no ordinary shoes! They are my FAVORITE shoes! I love them. It's like wearing really cool socks, but better. You know? I remember the day I got them like it was yesterday. I saw them there on the shelf in Rack Room Shoes. I went for them only to realize they were expensive. I am cheap. I tried them on and then stood pondering for a few moments. I decided that my cheapness would win and walked away. My sister, who was with me, grabbed them and secretly bought them, handing them to me as we left the store. Ahhh...what a great sister to know that her sister desperately wanted those shoes, but could not overcome her frugalness (yeah, not a word, but whatevs). So, yesterday the left shoe broke. I grieved for a moment and then went to pick up my children. We got home and they began working on their homework. Blaine finished before Aubrey and began singing. Well, this did not sit well with Aubrey, AT ALL! She began having a fit, telling him to stop. At this point, my brother, Scott, calls. We are having a pretty serious discussion about some stuff and what was annoying to Aubrey becomes grounds for murder, in her mind. She begins staring Blaine down and saying things like "I'm going to kill you. You have 15 minutes to live!" I interrupt Scott and tell Aubrey to get on her knees in the corner. She obeys and then turns to Blaine and says "You're SO lucky you have your mommy here to protect you!" I finish my conversation with Scott. At about the same time I am hanging up the phone, Aubrey leaps for Blaine. I stand up quickly from the recliner to gently remind her that I am the one in charge of life and death in this house and it happens. The recliner jerks forward and then back again, my brand new and very expensive laptop falls to the floor. Yep. It broke. For your viewing pleasure:

My beautiful, broken laptop sitting on the arm or the recliner as though he had never fallen.

The power cord to my laptop- broken.

A shot of the hole that the power cord plugs into- also broken.

He landed perfectly on the cord and it jammed into the plug-in and broke both the adapter and the port. I frantically got on the phone with Dell, knowing I had very little time to find out what to do before my battery would be dead. Some wonderfully rude man with a foreign accent informed me they would send me a box, I would put the laptop in the box, send it back to them, and it would be returned to me in 3-4 weeks "as though it were a brand new computer" all for $539.09!!! NO JOKE!!! My first thought was "$539.09! Are you kidding me!?" My second thought was "a brand new computer! Are you going to erase my hard drive!?" The answer to that question was "yes, you will want to back up any important data you have." Really!? On 1/2 a battery before death!? The thing cannot charge in its condition! Apparently they don't care about that, so I paid the man, hung up the phone, and cried. Very quickly I sucked it up grabbed my 80GB iPod and a memory stick and began "backing things up". I then emailed a few people and explained my upcoming absence from the land of electronic mail. Almost immediately my dear friend Ashley's husband, John, called and said "did you already pay Dell?!" Turns out John the Great can fix it for oh, WAY less than what Dell charges and have it to me before May! I called Dell and they are refunding my small fortune. John- you are no longer a computer geek. You are now a computer god!

And lastly, here is my kids' mugshot. I had them stand there, after this happened, so I could take a picture. I told them it was for my blog about how my laptop and shoe broke. This is what I got:
Aubrey almost looks remorseful. Blaine, on the other hand, looks kinda proud. Here's hoping for better days!

Heather and the Awesomely Fantastic Day...

2009-01-28T11:05:00.007-06:00

I plan on writing two posts today. It will depend on how far I can get on this awful, outdated 2006 desktop computer (more to come on that in the other post). So, anyway, I thought I would start with happy...

Oh my goodness! I just got a text from one Ashley K.!!! Hold on. Okay, I'm back. That was exciting! (If you knew Ashley, you would understand.) Anyway, this past weekend was my birthday. My awesomely awesome friends threw the best birthday party ever for me and another great friend, Mariela. It was an 80's themed night full of dancing, big hair, tacky clothes, and fun. My friends are the absolute best. I felt so special and loved! So without further ado, here are some hilarious pictures:The gang minus two.

Dawn, me, and Kelly before the party

Darcas and me- PARTY pic!

Kelly doing what she remembers about the 80s- being born!

Ashley and me doing our "Romy and Michelle" with Darcas crashing the background.

My "Vogue" pose

Darcas, Kelly, Mariela, me, and Rachel

Dawn and me

Who knew Twizzlers could be so much fun!?

Rachel and me- PARTY pic!

The birthday girls!

Jenny (who is 20wks with twins, btw) and Old Heather :)

Kelly may be the funniest person I know!

I had a blast! I can never say thank you enough to the wonderful friends that did this for me and the wonderful friends who came to share it with me! You guys rock!

Not Much...

2009-01-21T16:12:00.004-06:00

It's amazing how things tend to get quieter when children are sick. Aubrey and Blaine have been spending their days sitting around or sleeping. Brandon caught "it", so he's been working from home the last couple of days. I have managed to stay well and am hoping the worst is over.

So, I'm going to take this opportunity to respond to a few comments:

From the post "Things Heather Hate..."

Ashley said...
I'm kinda scared of you now, especially because you put people who are always late. However, I noticed that flighty people did not make the list-phew!
Ahhhh... Ashley, you never have to be scared of me! I ♥ you! Your lateness enables me to a)spend more time with you or b)spend more time with Zoey- both of which I enjoy!
Scott said...
I hate when you wake up 5-10 minutes before the alarm goes off! What are you supposed to do? Wake up? Go back to sleep? Not a good way to start the day.
Scott-Since you wrote this, I have been waking up exactly 9 minutes before my alarm- on a DAILY basis! It now has an honorary place on the list and you can lift the curse you placed on me. Thanks in advance!
Sara said...
i love how creepy carwly things always hop in your hair!! haha
Sara- not funny- AT ALL, brings tears to my eyes in fact! And you misspelled "crawly"!!! Scott, can you please put said curse from above comment on Sara? Thank you in advance!

From the post: "Don't Forget the Lyrics :)"

Sara said...
We used to sing, "hold me closer Tony Danza" instead of Tiny Dancer
Correction Sara- YOU used to sing, "hold me closer Tony Danza"! Admittedly, I used to sing (stopped last week, in fact), "hold me close I'm tired of dancin'". Much better than "Tony Danza", in my humble yet accurate opinion!
Allison said...
Correct lyric: Secret Agent Man
What I sing: Secret Asian Man
Correct lyric: Big Ole Jet Airliner
What I sing: Big Ole Jet Carolina
Correct lyric: Gimme the beat boys
What I sing: Gimme the Beach Boys
Correct lyric: Peaceful, easy feeling
What I sing: East Coast, easy feeling
It's not "secret Asian man"??????

From the post: "I'm Tired..."

Ashley said...
Sheesh.
Ashley-I'm not sure if you were annoyed with me or tired too? I assumed you meant to say "I ♥ you, Heather!"
kelly said...
Ashley and I are just precious.
Heck yeah, gots that right! I think Ashley was mean to me though, KEEELLLLLLYYYYYY!!!
sara said...
single, working parents just do it.

sara said...
oh, and we pray
Sara-I love you, sis! I think of you all the time and really respect what you do on a daily basis! I'm in awe. Seriously.

From the post: "My Sweet, Overly Irritable Blaine..."

sara said...
i think you're partial to blaine cause aubrey is more like me and blaine is more like, well, you and scott
Sara- Aubrey is definitely more like you. I'll give you that. And Blaine is definitely more like Scott. But Blaine is like me? I don't think so. I'm going to go throw a hissy fit now, thank you very much!

Thanks to everyone who left comments and messages of congratulations regarding our surrogacy journey! I really do appreciate all of you! And yes, Kelly, it is always something at the Bello household! I like it that way! Gives me something to blog about :)

Quarantined...

2009-01-19T15:42:00.002-06:00

The Aubs started running fever last night. I took her to the doctor this morning. Said doctor did the flu test and it was POSITIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's right folks, she has the FLU! A couple of hours later, the Blaine started running fever and even fell asleep on the couch! That's how bad this is- Blaine. Asleep. Couch. Middle of the day! According to doc, this flu lasts 7 days and the cough lasts 3 weeks! So, we're in quarantine! I put my kids on notice: this is the last year those little rascals talk me out of getting them the flu shot! And me, who normally has no life, had something planned for every single day this week, including my birthday! Oh well, there's always next year (assuming the flu doesn't kill me!).

The BIG Announcement...

2009-01-18T19:25:00.005-06:00

Well, I think it's finally safe to let all you out there in cyberland know our big news. Where to begin...five years ago, at the ripe age of 24, I was faced with some "womanly" health problems and left with no option but to have my uterus removed. We never felt like our family was complete (we even tried to have a baby for a few months before this happened), but felt like we just had to "deal" with the hand we were given. About three years ago, it dawned on me, we could still have biological children, I just couldn't carry them. We began researching the world of surrogacy. About that same time, we began dealing with my back problems and Blaine's digestive issues (both of which are now resolved!), the timing just wasn't right. We looked into adoption, but didn't feel led in that direction. Well, a few months ago, the "tug" to add to our family returned with a vengeance. Enter my dear, wonderful friend Dawn. I initially met Dawn two and a half years ago through my research of surrogacy. We became quick and great friends and now the timing is right for us to move forward on this journey! Dawn is going to birth a baby for us!!! This child will be 100% biologically ours, but Dawn will be his/her caretaker for 9+ months (and Aunt Dawn thereafter!). So where are we in the process? We have finished up the paperwork part of it (YAY!) and are patiently waiting to hear news on a court date (Texas is a surrogacy friendly state- we will go to court and essentially adopt our not-yet-created children, so when the baby is born our names will go on the birth certificate and there is no question as to parentage.). Hopefully that will occur in the next couple of weeks. As it looks now, we are set for an early March transfer and will know if we achieved pregnancy by mid- to late March! We are so excited and honored that God is allowing us to take part in this incredible and unique process! Words cannot describe Dawn and her wonderful family! I cannot wait to see where this journey takes us and to grow closer and love her more every single day! There are very few people who would give of themselves so unselfishly and very few people I would entrust our children to. I tell you, without a single ounce of doubt, that I could not have wished a better person to do this with. We are eternally grateful! So, fasten your seatbelts~ this blog is about to be full of inspiring, heartwarming, and hopefully funny stories from the world of gestational surrogacy.* And after that, baby pictures :)

*I'll try not to neglect filling you in on our daily adventures and stories of the two blessings we already have over this time :)
**For anyone who doesn't know much about surrogacy, I would encourage you to look into it or write me with any questions, concerns, etc. you may have. I will gladly answer them and am happy to share, in case you couldn't tell :) hgbello@embarqmail.com

No Joke...

2009-01-15T16:55:00.004-06:00

I'm sitting here working on email. Aubrey is upstairs in the game room playing on the computer. Blaine is standing in the living room by me going through a basket of candy. They each have two boxes of game shaped candy (sweet tarts) in the basket. Here is the conversation that ensues, both children yelling between floors...

Blaine: I think mine are the Clue and Monopoly games!

Aubrey: Yours are the Clue and Monopoly games!

Blaine: NOOOOO, mine are the Clue and Monopoly games!

Aubrey: That's what I said! Yours are the Clue and Monopoly games!

Blaine (completely indignant): I did not hear you!!! I was too busy talking!!!

Blaine then looks at me, as he pops a sweet tart in his mouth and calmly now: I LOVE sweet tarts! They bring health and joy! Ahhh, health and joy *sigh*

Never a dull moment :)

My Sweet, Overly Irritable, Blaine...

2009-01-15T11:58:00.005-06:00

If you know me personally, on a daily basis, this post will not come as shocking. I am a bit partial to my Blaine. There is just something about that boy that makes my heart melt. It may be his head full of curly hair or his beautiful green eyes. It may just be that he's gorgeous or maybe it's just that something that little boys do to their moms. I don't know. It's always been that when he and his sister are both doing the same undesirable act, he is going to get off easier. I'm honest about this problem and I really am taking steps to correct it. I am already working on my attitude towards his future wife.

If you know us personally, this won't come as shocking either. Blaine may be adorable in every physical way, but boy is that kid temperamental! I know some of you want to jump and blame me for this, but truth is, he's always been this way. That kid came flying out of the womb with an attitude! He was an incredibly fussy baby, the kind that would scream for literally hours straight to get what he wanted. Well what he wanted was always his momma. *insert small sneaky smile from momma here* It was difficult. He didn't walk until 19 months old because he insisted on being held by me all the time, not even Daddy would do. No bathroom trip was complete for me without Blaine screaming like he was being tortured to death outside the door. I remember his toddlerhood like this:

And my personal favorite...

Yep, most pictures we tried to take of him were taken by me, looking down at him screaming his head off, begging to be picked up. Gosh, I love that kid!

Now, at seven years old, he is still very partial to certain people (he does tolerate his dad now though). He gets set off pretty easily and most of the time, no one knows why. Luckily, his teacher at school dotes on him like I do. Looks will get you pretty far in life! In all seriousness, we are working on attitude. It's a long road ahead, but here's what happened yesterday...

Blaine was sitting at the table working on his homework (without me threatening his life!) and being sweet to his sister.

me: You sure are in a good mood today!

Blaine: Yeah, I am. It's weird. I'm usually very, very angry!

Ahhhh, small steps.

I'm Tired...

2009-01-13T19:10:00.002-06:00

Let me start by saying that I have no idea how single parents do it. My day started with the usual getting the kids ready and dropping them off at school. Then, I came home to get myself ready and met the "ladies" at Panera Bread for brunch. After that, I grocery shopped at Target (I also got some great deals on clothes for the Aubs and had a sweet note left on my windshield by Ashley and Kelly- that made my day!), came home, put the groceries away, made a phone call to "old" Heather (I'm "new" Heather at church) about the upcoming Super Bowl festivities, went to the mall to restock on Proactiv (also got sucked into a makeup demonstration and bought way too much stuff), picked up the kids from school, went to Walgreen's to pick up Brandon's meds, got myself and the kids dinner, came back home, fed the kids aforementioned dinner, and worked like crazy on Aubrey's science project (SERIOUSLY, why do they give 3rd graders science projects for their parents to do!?). Now, I'm waiting for the kids to finish baths so I can put them to bed and then crash. Where is my hubby? Well, he is at a work engagement. You know, the Rockets/Lakers game. Ever heard of it? Yeah, important business stuff. I am so glad he doesn't travel like he used to. I have gotten really used to having him home and I enjoy it. Days like today are exhausting. Good night.

How Quickly We Forget...

2009-01-12T09:32:00.004-06:00

I sat down last night and read through this blog. When I got to my August/September blogs, I sobbed. I have been feeling so much better, physically, that I have completely forgotten how bad off I was. One blog in particular, I wrote the week before my surgery. I listed the simple things I was looking forward to being able to do again, post op. It absolutely broke my heart. I am happy to report that I can do things like move without grunting and groaning, get in bed by myself (with the help of my step), dry myself off after a shower, and get into my vehicle without having to pick up my legs! I still am unable to bend, but this is not because I can't, it's because my doctor won't allow it. I make do though. I have become so much more limber than I was before. I can put on my socks, shoes, and pants- all without bending. I can pick up almost everything with my toes and put it in my hands, without bending. Things I have to get low for, like plugging something in, unloading the bottom rack of the dishwasher, or getting something from lower cabinets, I squat. I have adapted and assuming my knees hold out (I wonder some days), I don't know if I'll ever go back to bending. It's so much easier on your back to squat (and better for the thighs :) Although it's inconvenient not to bend and I am terribly hot and uncomfortable in this awful back cast, I am in NO pain! I have moments when I forget that altogether and I had definitely forgotten how bad the pain was. I am so thankful this surgery was successful and can't wait for my full release. On to bigger and better things!

*Note: I think I've decided to attempt to watch "Bones" and "CSI:" on the internet Friday mornings. Just in case all of you that offered help, cough, no one, cough, were wondering.
**Sara, I love "Bones"! Deal with it! And yes, your misspellings drive me crazy!

Quite the Dilemma...

2009-01-09T09:33:00.003-06:00

I'm in a pickle. You see last night while watching the BCS National Championship Game (way to go Florida! I still don't like you, but I LOVE that you won another one for the SEC! Now, maybe, all the Big 12 people here will be quiet! Yeah, I know, not likely. But, I digress...), FOX Network was kind enough to inform me, with one week's advance notice, that "Bones" will be moving to Thursday night! After this shocking revelation, I missed the second quarter of the game thinking about what I was going to do. See I love "Bones", but I also love "CSI:", "Grey's Anatomy", and "The Office". If you aren't a TV junkie like me, you may be wondering what the problem is. Well, now, they all come on at the same time, on the same night! "CSI:", "Grey's Anatomy", and "The Office" have all been on Thursday for the last three seasons, but I had come up with a plan. My DVR will record two shows. So, I record "Grey's Anatomy" and "The Office" while watching "The Office" because we like to laugh and we want to have it recorded as well as watch it as it airs. I then watch "CSI:" on the internet on Friday morning. This system is working, except that I am several episodes behind on "Grey's Anatomy". Now, thanks to FOX, my system is no good. The way I see it, I have two options: keep doing what I'm doing, but add "Bones" to my Friday morning internet line up (assuming FOX is going to let me watch full episodes on the internet) or DVR "Grey's" and "Bones", watch "The Office" on the upstairs TV, without having it recorded, and keep watching "CSI:" on Friday morning. I'm perplexed! Do any of you have this problem? What are you going to do? Take a moment to either share in my pain, chastise me for being a TV addict, or give me a third option I might be missing. The moments are ticking away to Thursday and I need a plan people (and a shower, but whatevs)!

Don't Forget the Lyrics :)

2009-01-08T11:24:00.003-06:00

My problem is never forgetting the lyrics. It is, however, getting the lyrics very wrong. I know the "words" to tons of songs and they stay with me forever. As a child, I learned nearly all 80s songs lyrics, especially the "hair" bands! I'm sure you've all experienced it. You're singing along with a song you like and someone you're with looks at you and says "What words did you just sing?" Instantly, you know. You have been a victim of similar, but ridiculous, sounding words that seem to belong, in your mind at least. For example, the song "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake. The correct words: "Like a drifter, I was born to walk alone" Heather's words: "Like a twister, I was born to walk along". Yeah, my loving husband got a kick out of that one. Well, my dear sweet Blaine has the same problem. Last week I was working in the kitchen with my under cabinet radio on Christian radio. Blaine was playing on the floor, singing along. The song "Amazing Grace, My Chains Are Gone" by Chris Tomlin came on. This is one of Blaine's favorites. He put his little head back and was singing as loud as he possibly could. It was an awesome moment: watching my little man use his voice to praise the Lord. Then, it happened. The correct words: "My God, My Savior has ransomed me" Blaine's version: "My God, My Savior made some tea"! He got it honestly!

Things Heather Hate...

2009-01-07T08:50:00.006-06:00

I did this several years ago on my previous blog. You know, the one blogger decided to no longer let me log in to? Well, I'm doing it again because it's that kinda day. But this time, a special treat: I'm also going to explain why Heather hate these things! Hold on to your rears!

Things Heather Hate...(in no particular order)

purple crayons- Isn't it obvious?! Over the past five years, I have had crayons melt in my car on three different occasions: two on the seat and one on the floor- all PURPLE!!! Five years ago, I dried a PURPLE crayon in a load of white laundry. Now, this was not just any white laundry, it was our *nice* white laundry. All of Brandon's dress khakis were ruined, as were my khakis and white dress clothes. Interesting note: when I picked through the remains to find from where the purple crayon had come, there it was- a huge purple wax spot on the pocket of one of my husband's dress pants. If you know Brandon, you know I'm not kidding. Anyway, I am convinced that purple crayons hate me and are out to get me! I have nothing against the color purple, just purple crayons. It's self defense really.
goals- The only thing goals do is set you up for disappointment. In my opinion, the only thing worse than goals is someone requiring you to think about and write down your goals, like teachers, professors, or your husband at the start of a new year! UGH!
P.E. (or anything that even remotely resembles P.E.)- Physical activity is awful in general, but when someone makes you do it, it reaches a whole new level of horrible. That's all I've got to say about that.
Rude People- Lots of people fall into this category: people who lie, people who cheat, people who cut in line, people who push, people who cut you off in traffic, people who cuss in front of children, people who smack their food, people who speed in residential areas, people who mow their grass way too early in the morning, people who act like no one but themselves exist, people who are habitually late, people who take and take without ever giving, hmmm...maybe I should change this one to just "people"?
Hurricanes- You really probably don't understand this one unless you live on the Gulf Coast. If you live on the Gulf Coast, you're thinking "duh!" Well, hurricanes blow (literally and figuratively).
Lack of Electricity- see above. It's hot during hurricane season!
Fantasy Football- I haven't decided if it's actually that Heather hate fantasy football or that Heather hate Brandon playing fantasy football. I think it's a little of both. Fantasy football requires you to give up team loyalty and cheer instead for individual players and I don't like that, at all! Brandon spends all his time recruiting, trading, benching, scoring, watching, etc. said players during this time and I don't like that either!
Geckos- Not all geckos are bad. Just the ones that found their way to SW Louisiana around 1999 (they came in through the port from Italy, I've done my research!). You know the ones. They hang out, during the warm months, around your doors just waiting to jump on you or in your hair. They are see through (YUCK!) and have no eyelids (DOUBLE YUCK!). I am convinced that they are some sort of demons.
Messes- Alright, on this one, I'll admit I have a problem! I cannot stand a mess! I was not always like this, this is one that manifested itself in the past five years. My poor kids don't know what it's like to really get dirty. Thankfully they are in school now where they can experience things like painting and crafts without me around making a disgusted face and hyperventilating. I love things that are neat and clean :) ahhh!
Bad Spellers- I was born with the God given talent of spelling. However, I can appreciate the fact that not everyone was given such a gift, but with the invention of "spell check" you are without excuse, bad spellers! S-P-E-L-L C-H-E-C-K! (Maybe I should add this one to "people"?)
Here you can add things that everyone says they hate, like sin, hate (I always find this one ironic!), war, famine, poverty, sickness, etc. I hate those things too. I just think they're a little boring. Hold your fire! I'm kidding!

Well, I think that's all for now. I reserve the right to add to this list as I see fit. So, watch yourself!

I just want...

2009-01-05T12:28:00.003-06:00

to feel better!!! UGH!!! I had a couple of really great weeks: visiting with family, Christmas, got some painting done around the house, cleaned and organized some much needed areas of the house. Now, I've got the sinus gunk AGAIN (at least it's not the terrible food poisoning Aubrey and Brandon had over the weekend. I'll spare you the details, but a word to the wise, AVOID Hong Kong Chinese restaurant in Sulphur!) I have been sicker this winter than ever before. Maybe it's that this back surgery stuff really compromised my immune system. I don't know. I went to Dr. W. on Christmas Eve and my x-rays look good, just not "done". I go back at the end of March so, until then, I'm still in this terribly uncomfortable brace. I'm disappointed, but I'll survive. At least it's not the dead heat of summer. I'll try to update more later and make it a little more "happy", but for now, I'm sanitizing bed linens and towels and then off to bed again.

Good, no, Great Things In The Air

2008-12-17T20:46:00.002-06:00

I feel wonderful:

My back is finally feeling healthy (I have an appt with Dr. W on Christmas Eve and am praying for a full release).
I have my energy back.
Christmas is right around the corner.
I have two incredible children.
Words cannot describe the love I have for my husband.
We have an awesome church family who cares for us in all circumstances.
My friends are the absolute best! I'd put them up against anyone else's friends any day! Oh and we're going to have a wild and crazy girls' night out this weekend!
There are some great, incredible things on the horizon for us. More to come...

I posted prematurely :)

2008-12-11T08:00:00.007-06:00

The pictures in the previous post of the snow were taken around 8pm. I posted them and then around 10pm, looked out the window. To my surprise, it had not stopped snowing and here is what everything looked like by that time!

Sickness Has Abounded!

2008-12-10T20:59:00.006-06:00

That's right. Since I last wrote, I got over the whole 'sinus infection from a very unpleasant place' thing, felt better for a few busy days, and then came down with a stomach virus Monday afternoon. Trust me when I say you do not want the gory details. The bright side, no one (at my house) has gotten it besides me. Many of the other women at church have come down with it, but so far, I've heard nothing of the children and men. I'm glad.

So anyway, this will be a quick "catch up" post and then tomorrow (hopefully) I'll start posting regularly again. First order of business, my pet peeves about outdoor Christmas light displays. It'll rock your socks off so, be sure to check back :)

1. I got a new washer and dryer in an unbelievable Black Friday sale! They are awesome! They can do just about anything, are super fast and energy efficient, and even play a nifty little tune when they're done. The best part (at least from Brandon's point of view) is that they are front loaders and on pedestals that put them at the perfect height for me to be able to do laundry again!!! I never thought I could love a pair of appliances so much! Here are some pictures of my new babies...

2. We put up our tree and only our tree this year. It's just too hard to do more than that in my "condition". Here are some pictures of it. It stands about 15 feet tall. These really don't do it justice.

3. It SNOWED today!!! I am not kidding! The kids absolutely loved it. Here are some pictures...

I'm Sick!

2008-11-26T15:10:00.001-06:00

I don't like being sick. I have a disgusting cold or sinus infection, something like that. You know, one of those things where your throat itches, you're coughing & sneezing, you have a runny/stuffy nose (depends on the moment), your eyes are watery, your ears are stuffy, and you have a horrible headache. Yeah, I'm sick and I don't like it. Happy Thanksgiving all!

I'm a Slacker!

2008-11-20T16:25:00.005-06:00

I know I've been absent. I don't know, however, what's wrong with me. I have been feeling blah. I think it may have to do with my insane addiction to Spider Solitaire (my win percentage is 11% on difficult!). That plus the stock market and dieting, Voila! you have the makings for a blah
couple of weeks. Anyway, here are the pictures I promised of the cake I made for the LSU/Alabama game. It was really cute and I have to give Brandon credit for the goal posts. We had a great time even if we did lose in overtime. LSU really needs a good quarterback!

I'll try to update again soon. I plan on getting out of the funk real soon :)

Tomorrow's Game Day!!!

2008-11-07T09:22:00.002-06:00

We have decided to end our era of being unsocial! We love to entertain and have people over, but have been unable to since my back surgery. Well, that all ends tomorrow! We are having a big party for the LSU vs. Alabama game. I LOVE, no ADORE LSU football. It's a sickness really, but I am not in denial about our lack of ability this year. The Georgia and Florida games made me sick! I was screaming like a mad woman at the TV and I really could have ripped someone's head off. I am preparing myself for tomorrow's game to be even more upsetting, so I decided it best to have friends here to watch it with. Maybe being surrounded by my best church friends will make me act more "Christian" towards Les Miles, Nick Saban, and their respective teams. We'll see... I plan on taking some pictures (I'm making a super cool football field cake!) and I'll post them at the beginning of the week. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

2008-11-05T11:50:00.003-06:00

My kids got to vote in a mock election at school yesterday while the rest of us were "real" voting. They had been preparing all week for this. Their teachers gave them a run down of each (major) candidate for president and each (once again, major) party. I would overhear conversations between the two of them all weekend about who they thought they would vote for and why. I was asked a few times who I was voting for and decided that I was going to conduct my own little experiment and remain unbiased and keep my vote a secret. My response was "I know who I'm voting for, but I want you to decide for you. So, I'm not going to tell you until after the election." They came home from school yesterday very excited about voting. They both said that they voted for McCain and both for different reasons. It was very interesting to hear why they voted the way they did. Aubrey really didn't like Obama's plans for education and teacher enrichment. Blaine's reasons were a little more disturbing. First he said that Obama doesn't say the Pledge of Allegiance (I know the root of this, but have no idea where he heard it from). Then, he said it's because Obama smokes (I told him I don't think that's true, but I'm not sure.). Their school, as a whole, went to McCain. So, this morning I asked "Do you guys want to know who our new president is?" The answer, of course, was "YES!" I told them Obama won and here is what followed:

Aubrey: "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

Blaine (simultaneously): crying sounds

Me: "It's okay!"

Aubrey (looking at Blaine): "Well, now we're going to be poor! I guess we better start packing."

Blaine (immediately looking at me): "Yep, we're going to lose our house."

Me: "No, we're not. We are going to be okay."

Aubrey: "How do you know that?"

Me: "Because God is in control of everything and He knew who would win president. In fact, He put who He wanted in that position. And, He's going to take care of us!"

Aubrey (to Blaine): "Come on Blaine. Let's pack. We're going to have to live with Maw Maw in Louisiana."

Me: "We are going to be okay!"

Aubrey: "Do you know anyone who voted for Obama?"

Me: "I do." I then named a couple of out of state family members who were Obama supporters.

Aubrey: "Why on Earth did they do that!? Wait, they live in *insert state*!"

Me: "First of all Aubrey, they voted for Obama because they had things they liked better about him just like you had things you liked better about McCain. The thing about having the right to vote is that you also have to accept it when the person you really wanted doesn't win. That's the way democracy works. Everything will be okay. Secondly, they got to vote in *insert state* because the race was for President of the entire United States."

Aubrey: "Are you kidding me!!?? I thought it was for President of Texas! Now, where are we gonna live. Louisiana's not safe either!"

Well, my good counsel may not have helped Aubrey at all, but I'm going to cling to it. God put Barack Obama where he is now. I trust that whether it makes my earthly body happy or not.

Randomness...

2008-10-26T18:42:00.002-05:00

Is "randomness" even a word? Hmmm... Anyway, High School Musical 3 was great! And, I'm not the only one who thinks so, just ask Brandon (he'll probably lie, but I'll tell you the truth- he liked it!). It was the number 1 movie at the box office this week, so apparently, I'm not alone!

I'm beginning to get antsy about my recovery (shocking, I know!). I know I still have three more months of recovery ahead of me, at least, but I'm beginning to think about the future- something I have been putting off because of my back. I've been thinking about the fact that my kids are both in school and I'm only 28 years old. All I have ever wanted to be was a Mom. I remember being a little girl and people asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up and answering "a Mom". I never dreamt that I would be "done" so young and we would only have two children. I go through phases of obsessing over adding to our family. I wish so badly I could have more children. I know there are other ways, but the door just hasn't opened for it. *Honesty time- I am beginning to fight feelings of resentment when I hear friends of mine who can have children say things like "We're done! No way I would be crazy enough to have any more!" I know what they mean. I said the same thing after Blaine was born (remember I had two children 14 months apart!), but now my perspective has totally changed and I don't have babies or toddlers anymore and I realize how insensitive this comment can be. So, if I ever offended anyone by saying something like that, I'm sincerely sorry. End Rant* I am looking at the fact that I stay at home, am 28 years old, and my kids are gone all day. Do I think that's enough for me? Can I really justify staying at home for the next 30+ years alone? If not, what do I want to do? The only thing I seem to come up with is, I want a baby. That makes me sad.

High School Musical 3!!!

2008-10-24T09:28:00.002-05:00

I'm going to see it today! Woo! Hoo! I'm super excited! That's all...oh, and I'm beginning to think I may be a teenager stuck in an adult's body...hmmm.

Best. Concert. Ever.

2008-10-18T20:02:00.007-05:00

I know a lot of people think that it's totally stupid and pathetic that grown women would completely freak out over New Kids on the Block. I don't care! That concert was the best thing ever! Rachel, Ashley, Darcas, Kristy, and I had a blast! Our seats were incredible, too! Kristy even said it was one of the 4 best days of her life (she has three kids!) :) They put on a great show, as expected. But, even in my wildest dreams, it wasn't as good as reality. What I didn't expect is how emotional I got! I felt like that 8-9 year old girl again. The one who would lay on her bed listening to "I'll Be Loving You Forever" and dream that Jordan was singing it to her. It was crazy. I nearly passed out and all I could think was "I'm going to be that woman. The one with a husband and kids at home (not to mention a full torso back brace) who passed out when New Kids on the Block came on stage!" Thankfully, I didn't (thanks Ashley for the fanning!). It really was a crazy, stupid dream come true. We ALL left completely hoarse, and barely able to hear from all the screaming. I bonded with those girls and this will always be "our" thing. When we're old, we'll reminiscence about "that" concert and smile. Thanks girls for sharing it with me! And, thanks to Brandon, Tony, Tim, Michael, and John for letting us go and listening to us talk about other men for what will probably be a while!

Here are some pictures. The first is a picture of the front of the T-shirts I made for everyone. They were SUPER cute! I even put our names on the back. Ashley won a koozie from the radio station outside the Toyota Center. She was unbelievably excited :)

Still Alive

2008-10-14T16:42:00.004-05:00

Just a quick update to let everyone know that I am, indeed, still alive. We had a great, but busy and exhausting weekend. Amanda and Tom are now officially married and Aubrey not only did a great job, she was an absolutely beautiful flower girl in an absolutely beautiful wedding. Hopefully I'll have some pictures emailed to me soon from family (it was just too much being Aubrey's personal assistant and taking pictures!). I do have a pretty hilarious video of her getting her "groove" on at the reception that I'll try to post later (if anyone knows how to do that, shoot me a line).

I'm doing okay, recovery wise. It's a long and tedious holding pattern that I'm stuck in, but I've found myself crying less this week, so that's good. There's just so much all around me that needs to be done and I simply cannot do it. It's very frustrating.

Another thing I want to address, I was reading some of my old blogs on my former blogspot and myspace and realized that I used to be pretty funny. I don't know exactly when that changed, but I'm going to try and bring the funny back. Maybe the further post-op I get, the funnier I'll get. One can only hope. For now, I leave you with some super funny pictures of my brother, Scott, riding Aubrey's bike complete with her pink helmet. I love my brother!

There is No One Else For Me...None But Jesus

2008-10-09T15:38:00.005-05:00

In the quiet
In the stillness
I know that You are God

In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call i won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos in confusion
I know You're sovereign still

In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forever more

That about sums it up!

(Hillsong United)

X-rays

2008-10-07T19:53:00.004-05:00

I know I said I was going to get better about updating, well, I failed miserably. I have had a really "off" week. My pain meds will run out tomorrow and I've been trying to wean myself gradually and it has not been easy, at all. I have felt pretty darn horrible. We have a big wedding this weekend (Brandon's cousin), which is thankfully here in Houston, and Aubrey is the flowergirl. My mother and father-in-law will be in, as well as, one of my sister-in-laws, her husband, and children. I am really excited and can't wait to see everyone- just hope the pain and tightness doesn't get the best of me. Hopefully, we'll have some great pictures to post that I'll get to before, say, Christmas :)

I/Brandon finally got the x-rays scanned so here they are:

The first view is from the front and you can see the rods on either side of my spine and the screws in relation to my spine. If you look closely you can also see the floating bone graft just between the heads of the bottom two screws. The second view is from the side with my front being the right side of the x-ray, looking at a rod passing through the heads of two screws. You can see the angle at which the screws go into my spine and once again, closely, you can see the bone graft towards the front in the middle of the two screws. So there it is, the reason I am unable to move my torso for the next five months, visually.

I'll update more soon. Thanks everyone for writing. I really do have the best friends and family too (I love you too, Scott!).

The Lover of the Lame

2008-10-02T08:26:00.005-05:00

I started a Beth Moore Bible study this week with a group of wonderful ladies from church. We are doing "Beloved Disciple: The Life and Ministry of John". I think I'm going to really like this study and the Lord knows how badly I need it. There have been few times in my life that I think I have been this sad, I can only think of three others (and those were completely justified by anyone standards!). I just can't seem to pull out. The difference between this time and those others is that I can actually stop and think about all I have to be thankful for and it seems so ridiculous that I could be this upset. I have a wonderful, loving husband who would do anything for me. I have two of the most awesome children in the world. We live in a great home and have been financially blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Both Brandon and I have wonderful, loving families who care for us and would be here in an instant if we needed them. Our church family is the absolute greatest. I really could never brag on them enough. They love us as though we were blood. They have blessed us in ways I never knew possible and I love them more than I could say. I have friends near and far who love me and wish me well with phone calls and emails constantly. My pre-op pain is completely gone and I am "healed" in that respect. So why am I so sad? I am a stay at home wife and mother. Taking care of my husband and children and keeping our house a home is what I do. It is my only job and right now, I cannot do it. I sit here all day and look around at how I am failing in this area. I know it's through no fault of my own, but it's there none the less. This week in the introduction to our new Bible study, Beth Moore spoke about a dear friend of hers that passed away suddenly and how this friend's husband asked Beth to look through her Bible study notes and comprise a eulogy for her out of her own words (what a neat thought!). One thing Beth found in those notes that really spoke to me was a passage her friend wrote saying, "God truly is the ultimate shame destroyer and the lover of the lame." Both of these really struck a chord with me. If you don't know my testimony, I'd be glad to share it with you and maybe one day I'll post it on here, but the thought of God being the "ultimate shame destroyer" is one that will always resonate with me. It's the reason I'm even here today. And for this season, "the lover of the lame" is something I'm going to cling to.

Last night at prayer meeting I was reminded of Psalm 100. Here is what it says:

Psalm 100

A psalm. For giving thanks.

1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
2 Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

This is such a beautiful reminder. The Lord is good and His love never fails no matter what we have been or are going through. One of my favorite lines from any song ever (and I am a HUGE music person) is from Chris Tomlin's "Indescribable" where he says "You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same. You are amazing God." There is NO one else in all the universe that we could say that about besides God. No matter how your mother or your spouse love you (I use those two because they seem to be the closest you could get), they will never love you the way God loves you. Only we and God know the depths of our hearts and can understand how huge a thing it is to say that a perfect God could know that and love us as though we were blemish free because in His eyes, we are through the saving, redeeming, and perfect sacrifice of His son, Jesus Christ.

So for me, for now, I'm going to choose to think on the things of God and fight with all I have to stay away and out of the pit of despair that I am so desperately dangling on the edge of. And if you are reading this and you don't know the love that I'm speaking of and want more or you just need someone to talk to, someone who is right there with you, write me- hgbello@embarqmail.com

Physically, okay...

2008-10-01T20:45:00.002-05:00

mentally, not so much. My husband and a few wonderful friends from church have a maid service coming starting tomorrow. I sobbed hysterically for awhile when I found out. Not because it was such a nice thing to do or I'm so happy, but because it is a solid realization that I cannot do it myself. I want to clean my own house. Mentally, I'm messed up.

I'm going to do better about updating...

2008-09-26T09:32:00.002-05:00

I have resolved to do better about updating this blog. I mean, I have nothing much else to do right?

I'm doing a little better than yesterday. The kids did well at school and I did well for my first day "alone" since surgery. I go to the doctor on Monday to get an update on my progress. I really can't wait to see what my x-rays look like. I'm going to try and get a copy to show everyone my hardware.

My brother, Scott, is coming in from Waco to visit this weekend and I'm excited about seeing him. The distraction will be nice. Oh, and I love my brother. I'll try to take lots of pictures of us doing various things (mostly hanging out around the house) and post them. I just really need to figure out all the picture settings and such on my new laptop. Hey, that's a good job for Scott this weekend...

Oh and thanks no one for posting comments. I love you all! :)- (that's a smiley face with it's tongue stuck out or something like that)

An Attempt to Catch Up

2008-09-25T12:19:00.006-05:00

Today is the kids first day back at school since being out two weeks due to Ike. I thought I would attempt to catch everyone up on this blog since, well, I can't do much else. This may be a little long.

As far as hurricane recovery, everything is trying to get back to normal, but it will take a while. Not all schools, even in our district, were able to go back today. A lot of people still don't have power (I feel for those poor souls) and even worse, a lot of people don't have homes. My dear friend, Dawn, took a huge hit and I am constantly thinking of her, her hubby, and their five children. I want to help them so badly, I just have to figure out how.

As far as Posterior Lumbar Interbody Fusion (that's the clinical name and my attempt at humor), it's going. Everyone who has seen me says "You're so much further than I thought you would be at this point!" To me, it feels so slow. I guess I'll back up a little. Surgery itself went well. There were a couple of problems with my low blood pressure and that had to be treated in the operating room, but other than that I did well. I came out with a seven inch incision directly on my spine, an epidural, and three drains coming from the area. I had some difficulty with vomiting for the first day, but after that I did great. Ike was looming out in the Gulf so after some begging, my doctor decided to release me one day early to be home for the storm. I really did not want to have to be downtown in a hospital, as safe as it is, without my husband and children during a hurricane. The hurricane itself was scary. They always are, but we made it through with very minimal damage (I'll post pictures of all sorts of stuff at some point). Since I've been home, I am to wear my brace (which is actually a body molded cast that can come off for things like showering and sleeping) anytime I'm up. It's hot (especially when there was no A/C) and bulky. I don't like it. I can walk, but I'm incredibly slow. So slow that I feel like a burden and hindrance to anyone around me. I can sit, but it is SO difficult to get up and down, it's pretty much not worth it. I have a very specific routine I am to use to get in and out of bed so as not to twist my spine at all. It's difficult and exhausting. I can lay on my back, which is comfortable for a little while, or my sides, which really aren't comfortable because of the pain from the bone graft from my pelvis so, I'm having trouble sleeping. I can't do pretty much anything around the house since I can't bend or twist in any way, but I can't really reach forward very far either. Just washing my hands stretches my limits. I'm incredibly emotional. I sobbed Sunday (in front of a lot of people) over milk. Not even spilt milk, actual contained gallons of milk that were brought to us by our Pastor's wife. We needed milk, she responded as so many people in our church have with various things. Our church rocks and I am so humbled by the way people are willing to help us! I knew all these things would be "things", but one thing I've learned is that it's impossible to prepare yourself for being physically disabled in any way for any amount of time. I want to clean my house, I can't. I want to shave my legs, I can't. I want to take a shower alone, I can't. I want a long, hot bath, I can't. I want to do a lot of things, simple things, that I just can't. I know these things will come and there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel, it's just hard right now. It's only been two weeks and I am so tired of feeling like a burden to those I love. Just 5 1/2 months longer, at least. Not sure how I'm going to do it, but I am sure that my God will get me through it. I'm clinging to that...

*If you visit, please leave me a comment. I have no idea who looks at this and I think I'd write it even if it was just for me to "vent", but I would like to know that someone other than me is reading and notes of encouragement really do help!

Back UP!!!

2008-09-22T17:38:00.002-05:00

Our electricity came back up at approximately 4:00pm today! Our 10, count 'em 10, days of misery have come to an end! It was absolutely surreal to see light bulbs light up and fans come on. I am so happy. Now, I can focus on recovery and healing.

P.S. Don't stop praying for those who lost so much, many of them I know and love. Hurricanes=bad

Not Yet

2008-09-19T09:31:00.001-05:00

Still no power and the school cancellation has now been extended to next Thursday. It's getting hot again and I'm having some trouble with my incision, but waiting on a call from the doctor to find out what to do. Surviving, for now.

Did I mention that I'm addicted to Spider Solitaire?

Day 6 (or something like that) without power

2008-09-17T09:16:00.004-05:00

That's right, still no electricity. We're hearing rumors that it could be two more weeks! School has been canceled through Monday with "an update to follow" so, that doesn't look too promising for power. I'm really trying to focus on the good things: we have a home, we have family here who are doing more than any human should be asked to do for us, we have friends, the weather has been nice, and mostly, we have our health (thank goodness for pain medicine!). We also have a generator to help out at night (we're not running it all the time because it's costly and difficult to get gas). This is just so hard for me. I really need electricity to "lighten" my mood, pardon the pun. It would help. When we're up and running, I'm going to go back and journal this last week since surgery. It's just too much right now especially only being able to use the laptop when the generator's running.

One thing I do want to address right now, I've heard/read people who don't live in this area wondering what's so bad about being without electricity or "what did they do before electricity?" To try and be polite, that's ignorance. If you really don't see what the "big deal" is, try it. And I don't mean turn off your air conditioner for a day when the weather's nice. I mean no a/c, no lights (even at night!), no oven or microwave (we have a gas stovetop so, I'll let you use that), no toaster, no cellphones, no hairdryer or flat iron (thank God for a gas hot water heater), etc. And right now, NO ONE in our area has power so it's not like we can go have a break at someone else's house or at a store- not possible. Plus, there is a two to three hour wait to get gas ANYWHERE, if you can even get it so, it would be irresponsible to just drive around. The stores are open for limited hours and they let in like ten people at a time, cash only (hope you got cash before hand, because there are no banks or ATMs). They limit what you can buy like one gallon of milk and one loaf of bread. A lot of people have just gone ahead and left town, but that's not an option for us right now either. We take all these things for granted on a daily basis, but right now, in the midst of it, I really don't want to hear people belittle our situation. Walk even a day in our shoes and then we can talk! *Notice I'm not even mentioning having back surgery a week ago because I'm not looking for sympathy, just understanding* Now, I will say that the one good thing that has come from this is fellowship. People are taking care of each other and our neighbor across the street came over to talk yesterday for the first time in more than two years! I love that, but I'd love it even more with electricity :)

The Latest...

2008-09-15T13:13:00.002-05:00

I just wanted to post a quick update to let you all know that we're here. A lot of you have tried to check in on us and I really appreciate it. We are "hunkered" down still, without power. Thank God we were able to get a generator so we can at least cool off at night. I was released from the hospital a little early just so I could be home in time for the hurricane. We were unable to evacuate since I have a 20 mile limit, as far as traveling. We have no idea how long it will be until our power is up and since we can't leave, we're just hoping we don't run out of gas. I am so thankful for Brandon's parents who came here straight from suffering Gustav to help us. I don't know what we would have done without them. I know there are a lot of people who are suffering and we have so much to be thankful for: our lives and very minor property damage. It's just very difficult trying to recover from major surgery without power (and pretty depressing). Keep us in your prayers! Our cell phone towers have been taken over by FEMA apparently so, no phone service for us. I will try to check email and myspace a couple of times a day if anyone needs us (or you can comment here and our home phone is hit or miss). I'm off to cry now...

A Quick Update...

2008-09-10T13:41:00.002-05:00

just to let everyone know that I'm alive. Surgery is over and I'm recovering. I'll be in the hospital until Friday, at the least. If you need anything, you can email or comment me here. I'll be checking in periodically on my laptop, it's just very hard to type with an IV and oxygen monitor on one hand.

Thanks to everyone for the prayers! Don't stop :) I need Ike to stay away now (among other things)! More to come...

The Countdown has Begun!

2008-09-02T17:51:00.002-05:00

We have had evacuees for the past three days. My mom, Cole, and Maw Maw fled Hurricane Gustav and hung out with us. They were able to head home today and thankfully, everything is good back "home". Brandon's family didn't fair so well in Baton Rouge, but it's only property damage. They are without electricity for no one knows how long, so I feel for them. That is absolutely miserable! Now, we're hoping that the roads will be clear enough for his parents to make it here on Monday.

The countdown to surgery has officially begun. One week from today, I'll be in recovery. I am SO ready to be done with this! People keeping asking me if I am nervous. I am, but the hope of being well far outweighs the fear at this point. So, in honor of that, here's a list of things that I am unable to do right now (and for the past several weeks) and am looking forward to being able to do again:

Walk further than my bed or couch to the kitchen or bathroom without pain.

Stand for any period of time (more than a couple of minutes).

Bend over- AT ALL

Put on socks.

Wear shoes that aren't slip-ons.

Roll over in bed without help.

Get in bed without help.

Dry off the bottom half of my body after a shower or bath.

Get in the car and lift my non-leading leg in without having to pick it up with my hands and put it in.

Do anything without grunting and groaning!

So, here's to one more week until recovery begins!

One Day at a Time

2008-08-27T15:46:00.005-05:00

Well, Brandon's gone until late Saturday night and so, I really am taking it one day at a time. It's so hard without him. If I think about it, my only thought is "how am I going to make it!?" So, I try not to.

I had my appointment with the anesthesiologist on Monday. It went well. He attempted to put my mind at ease- it's just very hard considering what I went through with my last surgery (I had post-op aspiration pneumonia.). They are going to take a few extra precautions this time and hopefully, there will be no complications. I go in for my "casting" tomorrow and I still have not gotten an answer about the blood. I'm pretty annoyed about that. Anyway, I'm busy preparing our home and family for what is sure to be a long, hard time. I'm so thankful to my friends and church family. They've really taken the lead with all this and have started a volunteer calendar for feeding us, helping with childcare, cleaning, etc. They rock!

Brandon got me a mack-daddy laptop as a kinda surgery gift. It is uber-cool! I have a huge 17" HD screen, backlit keyboard, Blu-Ray player, DVD burner among other things. It also has PhotoShop. I have been wanting to get into PhotoShop for quite some time and plan on becoming a pro (it's not as easy as it looks!) while I'm laid up. Here's my first piece of art. Back home in good ol' Lake Charles, LA there is a large area South of town that was once owned by my grandfather and his brothers. I grew up in the middle of this area. One of the streets (very near my old house) is a road named "Gossett Rd." named for our family (Gossett being my maiden name). Well, my brother, Scott, went by last week when he was in the area and here is what he found:

For whatever reason, the wonderful city of Lake Charles replaced the street sign with a misspelled version! In Scott's words, this is an absolute "travesty"! Most people probably don't care, but to us, this is our family name and it has two "T"s! So, here's what I did to cheer Scott up:

So, if you live in the area, write your police juror, congressman, governor, whomever. This has got to be set straight! Meanwhile, I'll be practicing my PhotoShopping. Just wait 'til you see me with perfect skin and 70 pounds lighter :)

I'm Way TOO Emotional!

2008-08-24T19:22:00.002-05:00

I'm not an emotional person, normally. I don't cry at just anything and I'm pretty good at handling my emotions. Until now... this whole "back" thing has really messed me up. I'm fighting back tears all the time. I really think I need to just sit down (with Brandon) and have a good cry. I need to grieve for this whole process. It's incredibly sad to finally give in, but I know it's the right thing. I'm getting worse daily (I didn't think this was possible.). How I wish things didn't have to be this way! For now, I wait to see when the flood will come. It will probably be when some of my dear friends from church come over Tuesday morning to meet with me about ministering to us. We have a WONDERFUL church family! They will be helping us through all of this and are wanting me to give them a wish list of sorts, of what we need done. I don't like asking for help and this is going to be difficult for me, no matter how much we'll need it. I love these people though. They really are our family away from "home". Hopefully the flood won't come while Brandon's out of town this week, although this is pretty likely too. Oh yeah, that's another thing. Brandon is going to be gone from Wednesday morning to late Saturday night! GREAT timing!

The kids start school tomorrow and I have my pre-admit appointment at the hospital and my appointment with the anesthesiologist. I'll let everyone know how it goes. Oh, and I'm going to beg the nurse to not make me donate blood again! Wish me luck :)

Successful

2008-08-23T09:33:00.002-05:00

Well, I successfully donated my first unit of blood yesterday. My blood pressure was 101/65 so, much better but still kinda low. It was a horrible ordeal. I got really sick and blacked out. They had to lean me back in the chair, put ice on the front and back of my neck, put a fan on me, and give me something to vomit in. I have never felt like that in my whole life and had no idea I would react that way. I do not want to do that again! I'm going to call my doctor on Monday and see if there is any way one unit can suffice. If not, I'll just have to suck it up next Friday.

The kids go back to school Monday! This has been one of the longest summers ever! Probably because I've been laid up for most of it. Their orientation went well and they both seem to have really great teachers. We're all excited.

I have my pre-op appointment at the hospital, with the anesthesioligist, on Monday, my casting for my brace on Thursday, and lots of other odds and ends to get done this week. I'll catch everyone up when I can. Have a great weekend!

Time To Try Again

2008-08-21T20:20:00.001-05:00

My white blood cell count is back to normal and my blood pressure has been better the past few days so, tomorrow morning I am going to try to donate again. Hopefully...

So Much Going Wrong!

2008-08-18T10:21:00.004-05:00

This weekend was absolutely insane! Saturday the boys (Brandon, Scott, and Cole) moved Scott to Waco. Mom, the kids, and I went to get my first blood donation out of the way. Well, when they did the pre-assessment, I had a low grade temp and my blood pressure was 88/56- borderline dead! The nurse even had a supervisor come re-check it and talk to me. Needless to say, I was not able to donate. I feel fine, other than the extreme pain in my back, so I have no idea why my bp would be so low. I go to the doctor on Tuesday to repeat my labs and hopefully my bp will be normal. They told me to stay in bed because they're worried that I will black out, but I really do feel ok. If I'm not able to give my first donation by this Saturday, I won't make the surgery date so, we're really hoping it works!

Well, that was just the beginning. Mom and Cole went to church with us on Sunday morning. We had lunch after and then they headed out, back to Sulphur. About an hour later, I got the call. The call that everyone dreads- "there's been an accident". It's hard to even type this without bursting into tears! They were on Hwy 90 in a real rural area and Mom blacked out (the reason is still unknown). They veered off the road and hit a guardrail and flew about 50 yards into a field. They hit that guardrail with the cruise control set at 70 mph and Mom still unconscious! We headed towards them (as did Scott, who was in Lake Charles. No one could get ahold of my stepdad until much later!) We were told they were being taken by ambulance to the hospital in Liberty (yes, Liberty, TX has a hospital. The smallest hospital EVER). We beat them there. It was so sad to see them each come through those doors on backboards and stretchers. After a long afternoon, they are both going to be okay. Cole has a sprained knee and some cuts. Mom has some pretty bad contusions, cuts, and burns (from the airbag) and a concussion, but overall, they're alright. The bigger concern now, is why Mom passed out. I guess we'll find that out eventually. For now, the whole thing is nothing short of miraculous. God was with them in that car. Everyone: police, witnesses, EMTs, cannot believe they essentially walked away. Somehow, Mom hit the guardrail in the dead center of the car and the engine came up through the center of the console. If she had hit it to either side, one of them would be gone. I am so thankful for God's hand in all of this. I really don't know how I could cope with losing one of them. It's unbearable to think of.

Well, hopefully things calm down this week. I'll keep you posted :)

Add One More

2008-08-14T15:11:00.002-05:00

I got a call from my PCP, and my blood work from Tuesday is back (I wasn't even thinking that I would hear anything. They'd be normal, and passed on to my surgeon.). Well, my white blood cells are elevated so, I have to go in again this Tuesday and have the labs repeated. So, add that to my list from yesterday. Is it possible for me to have to have any more blood drawn?

September 9

2008-08-13T10:14:00.002-05:00

...that's the day. I have so much to do before then, something made even more difficult by the fact that I'm in a ton of pain. So, in now just shy of four weeks, I have to accomplish the following, plus some:

get Aubrey's flowergirl dress altered
get the kids school supplies
back to school orientation
get the kids in school :)
come up with some sort of "schedule" for post op care of me, the kids, and our home
donate blood twice (for myself! this disgusts me!)
pre-admit at the hospital
get fitted for my back brace
have an appointment with the anesthesiologist
join a gym for my post op rehab
cancel anything I had scheduled for the next 6 months (like my class reunion, our family church retreat, Christmas! this makes me sad!)
insert anything I'm forgetting here :)

In the past few days I've already had a physical exam, lots of lab work, an EKG, and a chest x-ray. This is just the beginning...